Making Up With Your Ex - The Key is Believing

I can hear it now. This guy is crazy. It takes a lot more than just believing to make up with your ex. I totally agree. Getting your ex back most times is not an easy feat. It will require patience, creativity, strategy as well as the action needed to carry out your great ideas. I know this just as you do. So where am I going with this?

With the simple act of believing, a great creative strategy is useless not being mixed with action. The key to believing produces action. The action needed to write that email, or send that text, or leave that voice mail. Without believing that your action will produce a positive result you are not likely to take that action.

You need to make a list of everything you've done right in the relationship. If you were kind, encouraging or loving to your ex, they probably miss this in you. If you were always funny and telling jokes, I'm sure not being with you is difficult. If you were good to your ex, as most people usually are, what things made you good? Any ideas that you can recall will help to develop your confidence.

Most people believe they have done irreparable damage to the relationship. In most cases that simply is not true. Many relationships that can be saved are lost forever. I'm telling you today that it is totally possible to win your ex's heart and trust back. All you need is the right tools.

By: Demond Jackson

Throughout this story I've been referring to a step-by-step game plan anyone can follow to win back their ex. Here's where you can find it: watch this quick video (it's under 10 minutes) that explains the entire process.&nbsp. If you're serious about making up with your ex, you must take action right now!!

How to Win Your Man Back for You to Have a Successful Making Up Relationship in a Lifetime?

How to win your man back for you to have a successful making up relationship in a lifetime?   
If you want to know how to win your man back then make sure you are not doing any of these things.   
Don’t be needy. It is death to the possibility of making up if you run to him and smother him. By clinging on and not giving him any space to breath you are pushing him further away. You have to look mature at this time and look to be in control of yourself. If you are falling over yourself to get attention from him then stop now as it will look ugly from his point of view.
Don’t tell him you love him, can’t live without him etc. This will sound really hollow right now. Don’t cheapen the word love by using it over and over. There will come a time when you can say it again, but not right now. You have to stand tall and be strong on your own at this moment.   
Don’t call him. You shouldn’t make any contact at all in the initial stages after a break up. You have to stay completely away from him to starve him of anything to do with you. This will start the process of him missing you. Don’t text or email, this is not how to win you man back. If you do every time his cell phone beeps he will wonder if it is another crazy message from you. And this is not the kind of thing you want him associating with you. You want him to be thinking “I wonder what she’s doing now?”   
Don’t stay at home and cry. You need to focus on building your confidence again, so you need to get out and have some fun. Even if it is little by little in the first place, you have to push yourself to socialize. By giving you more interesting experiences it helps the make up process in the future. Basically it gives you more to talk about when you meet your ex again.   
Don’t rely on fate. Yes, it happens in the movies, chance encounters bring people back together, but in reality it rarely happens. If you are serious about learning how to win your man back have to take action yourself.   
Indeed, life is short. Don't let another day go by without taking a chance on happiness. You will never know until you try, so remember to make a move today. It can change or affect the rest of your life, therefore, at the very least, you can try to come out something for your ex love partner during your weekend plans. With a little practice, perseverance and patience, I believe that your relationship could be enhanced with the tips that I have shared earlier. If you have faced any problems with your loved ones, do not hesitate to visit this piece of article again.   
I really have a strong belief that if you can understand what I have explained and applied what you have learnt from this piece of article, your problems can be eventually solved and your making up relationship can become more stable and stronger. I wish all the best for your making up relationship with your partner. Do always remember to spread word of mouth to your fellow friends for supporting the decision of having making up than breaking up.   
Looking for the magic of making up ? Maybe your situation is not covered in this article? Watch a video that shows you exactly what you must NEVER do, what you should do to get your ex back and why at http://www.squidoo.com/how_can_i_retrieve_my_ex_lover_back   
You will also learn how to reverse the situation if you have already done those things that should NEVER be done.   

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/how-to-win-your-man-back-for-you-to-have-a-successful-making-up-relationship-in-a-lifetime-591604.html

About the Author:
Jim Lim Da Hong, sgtopmarketseller@gmail.com , Freelance SelfEmployed Graduate

Four Crazy Strategies For Getting Back Together With an Ex

Getting back together with an ex is a mind consuming project. All you can think about is getting them back. This article will show a few simple things you can do today to initiate the process.
It really doesn't matter what you've done, getting your ex back is totally possible. The first strategy to getting your ex back is to have confidence. You must believe that you can win back the love of your ex. Stop telling yourself all the reasons your ex will never take you back. Stop reminding yourself what you did wrong. Now is the time to believe that your ex can and will see you in a new light.
The next crazy thing to do is ask those closest to you, preferably your ex, to help you identify any flaws within yourself that you are unable to see. It is easy for others to see that we are selfish, unloving, harsh or unconsciously disrespectful. Many times we don't see our bad qualities. We need the people who love us to be honest about who and how we are. If at the core we are a jerk, we need to know.
The third crazy tip is to reach out to others for support. In times of a breakup it is common to isolate ourselves. This is a time to reach out to others. Being alone will only cause more depressing doubt thoughts to plague you. Getting valuable input from others may offer you ideas you haven't thought of yet.
My final crazy strategy is to buy a book or ebook specifically designed to help you get your ex back. There are hundreds written to help you strengthen your relationship. But not many that focus on making up and getting back together with your ex.
By: Demond Jackson

How to Get Your Lover Back Without Losing Yourself

Getting in and out of relationships is common for many people today. However, many a times you might find yourself stuck in a dilemma. After having lost someone you loved, you suddenly come to realize that he or she plays such a great role in your life that you want him or her back. In other words, you regret ever having broken up the relationship. So, now you need to know how to get your lover back without losing yourself. This is because many people fall into the trap of seeming too desperate or weak, such that it simply turns their ex away, diminishing all the chances of getting anywhere near being a couple again.



There are many things you need to avoid and do before you re-establish contact with your partner.



Firstly, ensure that a reasonable amount of time has passed so that he or she has enough time to think about your relationship. Do not pester her or harass her by calling her or leaving tens of text messages in your lover's inbox. This is because you want to avoid looking desperate and your lover will definitely need some alone time to reflect. Of course, you should not even think about stalking him or her as it will only ruin all your chances of getting back together. You do not want to be labeled as a "freak" or "stalker" now would you? So be careful of what you do or say as anything in excess of that is not recommended.



Next, avoid losing your personality and who you are. Do not get depressed or give up doing the things that you like because of the break up. Now, your lover used to love you because of who you are and what you can do. So by sliding into a state of depression or quitting your job is not going to impress him or her. In this case, you need to plan your strategy well and live your life to the fullest. Get your life back on track, look your best and improve everything about you. By showing your strong and confident side, your lover will come to see what he or she had lost, and will come to want you back again. Show your lover that you are able to move on and leave a good impression of yourself. This is the best way to get him or her to be interested in you once again.



Then, before you ask your lover out on a date, do make sure that it is a well planned one. Prepare what you are going to say and think of how your lover will react. Do not rush into saying sorry and have nothing else in mind to ease the situation. You could probably let him or her know how much you care, and why the two of you should get back together. Avoid sounding too pushy but give your lover the time and space to think about it.



To make a relationship work you have to be yourself. You do not want to sacrifice everything and be in a miserable relationship. So, waste no more time and pick up the techniques that you need to get your lover back immediately!
About the Author:
Colin Strouse is an authority on Relationship Management providing valuable advice at www.getyourexbackyesterday.com where you can learn how to get an ex back. Click Here to gain FREE access to his relationship-saving secrets!

Article Source: ArticlesBase.com - How to Get Your Lover Back Without Losing Yourself

Mixed Signals Make Ending Relationship Difficult pt2

Continuing from my last post, here’s the rest of my message about mixed signals in relationship.

A useful assumption about relationships is that we attract our partners into our lives not just because of love, or shared values, chemistry or mutual interests. A big part of the attraction is that we see in them, subconsciously, the opportunity to complete unfinished patterns in our own lives (unexpressed feelings towards someone else, entrenched counter-productive mindsets about ourselves, emotional irresponsibility, projection, etc.)

When these old patterns are complete, either the dysfunction resolves and the relationship grows, the dysfunction resolves and the relationship is no longer appealing, or the relationship ends and the dysfunction gets carried with us to the next relationship. That’s why people experience the same patterns in new partners. We bring them with us!

If the relationship with an emotionally or physically abusive partner isn’t complete for you, then whatever you are holding on to is YOURS, not his. And if it isn’t complete for him, (and clearly it isn’t, because he’s also doing the push/pull routine) then whatever he’s holding on to is HIS, not yours. Not picking up his stuff is a way of keeping the relationship with you going. Talking about you to people you know is a way to get word back to you that he’s still involved with you. But for you, this is a boundary issue. You must congruently and consistently set the boundary in place so that YOU are not sending ANY mixed messages. The only message from you to him ought to be, “It’s over. Move on. Work on yourself, because working on you isn’t my job.”

In my opinion, the best solution for you is to quit working on his stuff and get to work on your own. Stop concerning yourself with what he says to others and notice what you’re saying to yourself. The most interesting question is what does this say about you, that this was the person you allowed into your life? I suggest you look at the fact that you chose him as your partner, for however long he was your partner , as feedback about issues in yourself that need attention. And I encourage you to get some help in the form of counseling and coaching, and work through these things to get closure on your own instead of trying to get closure with him instead.–”

That’s what I said to her. I’d love to hear your comments and feedback about relationship lessons you’ve learned.

Be well,

Rick

Mixed Signals Make Ending Relationship Difficult pt1

Occasionally, I hear from someone who is in a difficult relationship situation and asks for help. With only the written word to go on, I have to fill in the blanks with intuition and experience. Obviously, giving a one page answer is no substitute for counseling, where I’d have the ability to gather more information and design an intervention or direction based on a real understanding of the dynamic involved. Still, there is value in asking for help, and there is some help to be found if you are able to take initiative on your own.



Today’s post is from a comment that I received on this blog in an earlier post about mixed messages, and my response to it.

Here’s what the commenter wrote:

   I’m at my wits end, can you help or give me advice? Me and my partner have split up recently, we’ve had contact since, but he is confusing me with mixed messages.

   Examples…if i don’t contact him he contacts me, but will very nice to me, but if i should contact him his attitude becomes sharpe and cocky. He will make comments to me about treating me bad and how I don’t deserve it, then say to other people that he ‘can’t live like that’ as though he’s putting blame on me!

   The reason we broke up was because he hit me. I know its wrong but i slapped him back. Now he changes his comments all the time about the situation. One minute he was in the wrong, the next he’s a victim. His comments and behavoiur just aren’t consistant.

   He says he doesn’t like the person he is, but i haven’t seen any change in him at all. He tells people he’s worried about me, and has feelings for me, its not me its him. Then after a few days, he makes comments like” i’ve seen a different side to her lately that i don’t like,” when we haven’t even seen or spoken to each other!

   Another example: There are still some of his things at my house. He says he wants them back, then doesn’t come for them. There have been many times he’s rang but hasn’t even mentioned it. I’ve tried to make arrangements with him but nothing comes of it.

   Can you help? What are your veiws because this is really messing with my head. What does he want, or does he not know himself, or is it game playing? Thank You

Here’s my reply:

Thanks for your questions, I’ll do what I can to give you a useful answer here, but I think what would do you the most good is finding a good counselor to work through this. It seems to me that you are also sending mixed messages. You broke up with him, and yet you call him. I find myself wondering why. Is it about him getting his stuff? If it is, you could box it up and put it somewhere else so he can get it at his leisure without you having to deal with him, and be done with it.

The fact that he hit you tells me he has serious impulse control problems, because there’s just no excuse for that. It also means that there are parts of himself he does not know, maybe unresolved anger towards his own mother or some other female authority figure in his life. Instead of working through them inside himself where the problem really exists, he tried to work them out through you. Hitting him back makes sense, and is a better response than allowing yourself to be beaten by him. But the best response is the one you chose. End it and get away from him for your own safety.

Back in two days with the rest what I told her. Meanwhile, your comments are welcome!

be well,Rick

"10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives" Excerpt

This empowering book provides 10 positive steps gay men can take to identify and overcome self-defeating behaviors and move toward a healthier and more rewarding life. These steps have proved invaluable to the hundreds of gay men Joe Kort has helped in his 16 years of individual, couples, and group therapy. You’ll identify with and be inspired by the stories of the men who’ve followed this path to achieve emotional, sexual, and personal fulfillment.



Who Should Read This Book? Gay Men and Their Families / Counselors / Psychologists / Psychiatrists / Social Workers / Educators School Counselors / Clergy / Physicians / Psychiatric Nurses / Other Human Service Professionals



An Excerpt from the Book . . .



What Works? And What Doesn’t Alan was a 34-year-old consultant for one of the car companies in Detroit. He came to see me after experiencing depression over his gayness and his relationship with his partner of five years. He’d been seeing a heterosexual male therapist in town but felt he wasn’t getting anywhere—either with accepting his homosexuality or resolving the conflicts in his relationship. His therapist referred him to me, telling him that I was gay as well.



Alan was handsome, with boyish looks and tightly cropped hair. His body testified that he was involved with sports—he played soccer and baseball on a regular basis. For his first session, he came to my office dressed in his work attire—tie, white shirt, and wing tip shoes.



“Look at me!” he said. “I don’t look gay. You don’t either. Maybe we’re fooling ourselves. This is just wrong! This isn’t how I envisioned my life. I wanted to be straight, with a wife and kids by now!”



Alan filled me in. Six years before, he had been engaged to a woman—then broke up with her. Secretly, he’d promised himself that if their relationship didn’t work out, he’d act on his gay feelings and come out of the closet. He didn’t want to make any other woman suffer with his inability to commit to her. He knew why he could not commit —he was gay. He could have sex with women, but found it unfulfilling.



On the other hand, Alan didn’t like being gay. He felt he was giving into urges he was supposed to repress. He was horrified at the idea of being out and open with others —particularly his family—knowing he was gay.



Alan came from a rural town in Michigan, where his family still lived in the house he grew up in. Nothing had been painted. The furniture never changed. Appliances from his childhood, aside from ones that absolutely had to be replaced, were still there. It was as if time stood still. His parents had stagnated, plugging away in the same jobs they’d had their whole adult lives and drinking at a local pub they frequented every weekend. On a few occasions when he was a child, Alan recalled, his parents took him along and left him and his siblings in the smoky pinball game room while they went to drink in the bar.



Alan couldn’t conceive of admitting to his parents that he was gay. “That will never happen,” he told me. “They would die! I can’t do this to them.”



Soon after Alan came out at a local gay bar he met his partner, Matthew. Alan had done little or no dating before Matthew. Being with Matthew was fun and exciting at first, but after the second year Alan felt unhappy because their relationship was in a rut. Alan wanted to integrate his life more closely with Matthew’s—he wanted the two of them to live together.



Matthew initially agreed to their living together, but whenever it came time for either of them to move in with the other, or to sell both houses and buy a new home together, Matthew came up with some reason why it wouldn’t work out. This conflict simmered for three years.



In addition, Alan was angry at Matthew for not wanting to spend more time together. They saw each other once during the week and once over the weekend. Matthew claimed that with Alan in his bed, he couldn’t get a good night’s sleep and couldn’t function well at work. When Matthew resisted making any move or changing his behavior, Alan would lash out. They would argue, and Alan would become enraged, shout, and slam doors.



Alan admitted that part of the problem was his worry about what other people might think if they knew he was gay. If he went out to dinner, he didn’t feel people were staring if he went with a male coworker, but he admitted feeling that if he and Matthew went to dinner, everyone would know they were gay—much to his embarrassment.



Though Alan complained about Matthew’s avoidance, he was stuck in a pattern of unhelpful behavior too—with a large amount of internalized homophobia about being gay. He blamed his difficulties on the closet and on living in Michigan, and he resented Matthew for not participating more actively in their relationship.



In our work together, I tried to help Alan focus on his childhood, because he seemed to be replaying exactly what had happened to him then, back when his parents neglected him. Now he found himself with a partner who, he felt, also neglected him. His frustration with Matthew was understandable, but his high level of anger was an overreaction. It belonged to his parents.



He said that my making the connection to his childhood made logical sense, but he wasn’t experiencing any angry or hurt emotions toward his parents. “They did the best they could, and it makes me feel bad to think they did anything negative.”



No matter how much work Alan did, in both individual and group therapy, he couldn’t reach his true feelings about his parents. He came to my workshops for helping gay men heal and rid themselves of self-hatred and homophobia, went to gay events around the community—and still felt bad about being gay. He stayed closeted at work and to other members of his sporting teams. His relationship with Matthew stayed the same, even though many times Alan threatened to end it.



Finally, though, it was Matthew who broke it off. One night at Matthew’s house, Alan became so angry he threw something across the room and broke a window. Matthew told him he’d had enough and ended the relationship.



Now Alan found himself in a bind. Not seeing any progress, he’d dropped out of the gay men’s group the year before, and he had no network to support him. His symptoms of depression grew worse. He couldn’t tell his family what was going on, and he had no one else to talk to but me.



Isolated and alone, Alan was back where he was as a child, but he continued to deny that his childhood was at all related to his current situation or that his overreaction to Matthew’s distancing relationship was really a replay of how he’d felt as a child.



I didn’t think Alan could make much progress until he decided to live more openly, and I told him so. I felt that he’d find, stored away in his closet, many other feelings and memories about his childhood. But he wasn’t ready to deal with it all. I expressed concern that he’d keep feeling isolated, lonely, and abandoned—unless he addressed the issues of his parents’ neglect when he was a child.



Many of us find ourselves in a place like this. I’m a psychotherapist who specializes in Gay and Lesbian Affirmative Psychotherapy and Imago Relationship Therapy, which is a specialized program in helping people with relationship issues, men’s issues, childhood sexual abuse, and sexual addiction/ compulsion. Over the past ?? years, I’ve treated literally thousands of gay men in the Detroit area—in one-on-one individual therapy, ongoing group therapy, in workshops for singles, and for partnered couples.



Again and again, I see clients make the same mistakes. And inevitably, I find myself giving dozens of clients the exact same advice.



Reading this book, I hope you’ll recognize the stumbling blocks, both internal and external, that have held you back from living an effective, totally fulfilled gay life. Each of these 10 smart things is an antidote to a specific problem that clients have brought to my office time and again.



Through my work with clients over the years, I’ve seen what works and what doesn’t work. Now I’d like to make these “prescriptions” available, in book form, for every gay man to use.



These 10 smart things constitute a kind of checklist—answers to the challenges any gay man may face, at one time or another, throughout his life. Yes, every gay man can score 10 out of 10 if he wants to. But none of these chapters is a cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all prescription. Throughout, I’ll give you real-life examples based on my work with clients who put these basic principles to work in their own way—almost always with considerable success and satisfaction.



I ask every one of my clients (and everyone who reads this book) to recognize that he’s a unique individual. Health and happiness are your birthrights. And yes, you happen to be gay. So to live a rewarding life as a gay man, you must tailor anybody’s advice—mine included—to fit your own particular goals and circumstances, always keeping your own values, lifestyle, and personal strengths in mind.



In upcoming chapters, I’ll introduce you to gay men who’ve crippled themselves emotionally (and often sabotaged their romantic relationships as well) by not coming out to anyone except themselves, their partners, and a few close friends. In most cases, their self-protective impulse only serves to keep them isolated. You’ll also meet heterosexually married men who in their 40s and 50s came out of denial and admitted they were gay all along. They experience a profound sense of liberation when they find the courage to come out, being honest with themselves and their families.



You’ll read how coming out to your family can reawaken—even worsen—the dysfunctional problems that have lain dormant in the closet. But you’ll also learn how men from 15 to 57 have forged deeper, warmer bonds with their parents, siblings, former in-laws, and, in some cases, their children.



I’ll explain why gay men are so often criticized for being “childish” or “immature,” and how to avoid succumbing to gay culture’s overemphasis on looks, youth, and glamour. Afraid of growing old? I’ll offer you numerous remedies, including meaningful involvement in your local gay community serving as a mentor and giving other gay men (both younger and older) the benefits of your own hard-won experience.



I will explore with you the specific ways that sexual addiction manifests in the gay male community. Most cases of sexual addiction are rooted in childhood sexual abuse and often respond to a combination of individual and group therapy. You’ll learn why so-called reparative therapies—to “cure” our homosexuality—can’t possibly work. At the same time, you’ll learn about the genuinely helpful “therapy workout” opportunities available to every gay man. Is the best therapist for you male or female, gay or straight? Stay tuned!



Perhaps most important, I’ll show you how to keep your romantic relationship with another man alive and evolving as you both pass beyond the first stages of infatuation, through the inevitable power struggle, and on to deep and abiding love. Believe it or not, your most serious quarrels and disagreements are potentially healthy and can lead to tremendous personal growth for you both, as partners and as individuals.



Even if a wedding or commitment ceremony doesn’t feel appropriate for the two of you, you’ll want to read about other gay couples who have taken that courageous step—with all the frustrations, surprises, and joys that went with it.



You don’t need to be a Mensa member to do smart things and to start reaping the benefits. Hundreds of my clients have already proven to my satisfaction (and, more important, to their own) that these choices work.



Psychology can seem dauntingly complex, and sometimes a bit scary. Might there be some things lurking down in your subconscious you’d rather not hear about? No need for timidity. I will work to keep things as clear, accessible, and practical as I can. My clients —from their early teens to their 70s, from every walk of life—help dramatize the issues and hassles that every gay man must face. Armed with their wisdom, clarity, and understanding, you can continued from previous page make personal breakthroughs while still enjoying the special advantages that gay culture has to offer.



You need not agree with every word I say. While reading about the dozens of gay men who came to me for help, however, you’re sure to recognize many of the challenges you’re facing right now.



Every one of these 10 smart things has the same goal: to help you live happily, confidently, and successfully as a gay man—inside and outside the gay community.



Author's Bio

Psychotherapist Joe Kort has been in practice since 1985. He specializes in Gay Affirmative Psychotherapy as well as IMAGO Relationship Therapy, which is a specific program involving communication exercises designed for couples to enhance their relationship and for singles to learn relationship skills. It is based on the books "Getting The Love You Want" and "Keeping The Love You Find" by Dr. Harville Hendrix.



Joe also specializes in sexual addiction, childhood sexual, physical and emotional abuse, depression and anxiety. He offers workshops for couples and singles. He runs a gay men's group therapy and a men's sexuality group therapy for straight, bi and gay men who are struggling with specific sexual issues. His therapy services are for gays and lesbians as well as heterosexuals.Now an adjunct professor teaching Gay and Lesbian Studies at Wayne State University's School of Social Work, he is doing more writing and workshops on a national level.

Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Kort1.html

Journey to a Better Relationship

The symbol for a journey towards a better relationship is a spiral. Growth itself is also a journey. Look at the center of a spiral, this is where life begins. As we walk on our journey we soon come to a challenge and descend into the shadow side.

This is where we face our fears, learn our lessons and begin to seek the light. We often do not notice the sun high in the sky on a bright summer day. But when we walk outside on a dark night we are drawn to the shiny stars, which are like pinholes in the night sky. Before modern technology we used these stars to find our way through the night.

Follow the line of the spiral through the darkness and you will see that it returns to the light. It does not just return but it goes even higher into the light. The reward for journeying into the dark is to bring the subconscious into the light for illumination. This gives us greater access to our sacred self by integrating the lessons of our shadow. The benefit of going through the dark and facing our fear is not only to heal our wounds and feel better but also to gather strength and tools to face other challenges in life.

Unfortunately, most people spend their lives and relationships hovering just above the centerline before the spiral dips down into the darkness for the second time. They stay stuck in dead end jobs that suck the life out of them. They settle for relationships that are dull, listless and boring. They resign themselves to a life of mediocrity in order to avoid the intensity of going through the growth process that requires facing the dark night of the soul. They focus on small things like getting a bigger house or car, losing ten pounds or buying more stuff that they hope will fill up the hole inside of them. It is not so much that they refuse to face their pain but rather that they don’t have any idea how to travel through their shadow side and create a better relationship.

The first time we go through the process we are like a fool going along on our merry way until the floor drops out from under our feet and lands us on our bottom in a pile of crap. We are completely innocent and totally destroyed. No wonder 95% of people live their lives statistically similar to their parents.

Only 5% of the population will profoundly change their lives from what they experienced as children in ways such as social-economic status, level of education, even living within a 50-mile radius. The number one reason for this stagnation is lack of growth. Why? As human beings we like homeostasis. For most people change is like a bolt of lightning and comes as an external force such as getting laid off from your job.

Positive change happens in the same way like a chance meeting that leads to marriage or finding out you are pregnant. Because change happens as a blast we are not prepared and struggle to get grounded again. So life has taught us that change is scary, and that we have no power or control. The blast of change that “happens” to us forces us to feel emotions that we have buried, after all it is not feelings of happiness that we are avoiding.

Just like sharks need to move in order to breathe or to live, as human beings we need to grow in order to thrive. We have the free will to tread water. Treading water keeps us in that stuck place and prevents us from feeling pain. But treading water comes with an enormous price tag it blocks our ability to grow, which makes our lives mean, small and narrow. The one question I ask my clients that I believe determines how one moves through difficult things in their lives is “Why do we have life and what happens when we die?” Most people who will answer that there is something more after life and that some how what we do here affects what will happen after we die; that we are here to learn something for some reason.

I was talking about this with one client in particular who had an extremely violent and abusive childhood. She stared at me with terror in her eyes and spat out with venom “So you think that there is a reason that my dad did all those horrible things to me”. And I looked back into her eyes with love and compassion and said think about it this way, wouldn’t it be worse if there was no reason. No reason for all the pain and suffering on this earth.

No reason for all the awful things that people go through and do. Because to me be that would be cruel and pointless and depressing. And God would have to have a sick sense of humor. And I challenged her to think about how those experiences have shaped her life, who she is because of what she has been through and what she has learned. And over time she was able to release the pain and forgive in a way that left her whole and at peace.

Yes life is full of crap. But if you allow and if you chose to struggle and feel again and start walking on your journey again. Then you can let all that crap decompose and turn into a rich fertilizer that you can then use to grow strong and tall. Everyone has crap. Every life has pain. That is not something we can avoid, it just happens to us.

But everyone also has the free will to get stuck in the never ending but tolerable dull ache or to dig in and feel that pain briefly and intensely, which will lead to opening your heart up again to love and joy and happiness. To be whole requires us to embrace our light and our shadow side. What doesn’t kill us makes us whole. It is only in the darkness that we can seek the light. Where fear and anger and resentment grips your life there you will find your victories.

As endless beings we are destined to heal everything and become whole. It is our free will that determines how long it will take us to begin the healing process by facing the darkness. It is only by walking through the dark night of the soul that we can come to stand in the full light of day and journey to a better relationship with all those in our lives.

The symbol for a journey towards a better relationship is a spiral. Growth itself is also a journey. Look at the center of a spiral, this is where life begins. As we walk on our journey we soon come to a challenge and descend into the shadow side.

Author's Bio
Jean Kadkhodaian, MA, CH, Rev., is the Clinical Director at The Lighthouse Emotional Wellness Center, located in Arlington Heights, Illinois. Although The Lighthouse is the midwest's premiere center of its kind, offering a wide variety of emotional wellness services to its clientele, Jean and her husband primarily work with couples seeking happiness and satisfaction in life and relationships. You can reach Jean directly by emailing her at jeank@lighthouseofillinois.com
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/journey_to_a_better_relationship.html

Five Good Ways To End A Relationship

People form relationships with the intention of making it last forever. But fortunately or unfortunately, as the case may be, many of these relationships do not last for long. Ending a relationship can be quite painful and the partners involved should take utmost care in parting with dignity. There are some good ways in which you can end a relationship.

1. You might end a relationship with your partner because of some personal differences. But when you part you should always see to it that you are not hurting your partner in anyway. The best thing for you to do would be to explain the reasons openly in an objective manner and convince your partner about your decision so that her/she is not left in the dark about matters and feel sorry for the break up.

2. When you want to end a relationship clearly talk out the entire issue with your partner. Do not avoid your partner by not talking to him/her or not answering his/her phone calls. This will only give the wrong message to your partner. You should bravely and unemotionally approach the entire situation and handle it.

3. When you want to convey about breaking up, it is always better for you to communicate the message by meeting your partner and talking to him face to face. You should not convey such vital information over the telephone or the email because your partner might have so many questions in his/her mind. Your partner might feel that you are deceiving him/her and would want you to furnish justifications. Many times, textual or verbal messages that are unaided by nonverbal cues can convey the wrong message. Usually phone calls lead to misunderstandings and further fights. That might actually lead to a bad break up.

4. Even though you have the intentions of breaking up, choose an appropriate moment. Do not convey the information when your partner is under some kind of stress or trouble or immediately after he/she has expressed his/her liking for you or has spent huge amounts of money in getting an expensive gift for you. You might have no feeling for your partner but you should always respect his/her feelings for you even though you intend to break up.

5. The place where you intend to convey the news also matters. Do not break the bad news at public places because your partner might not want the world to see his/her reactions when he/she is absorbing the news. But it depends upon the personality of your partner. If he/she is an emotionally strong person, you might as well convey it in a public place.

Whatever method you choose, it is always better for you to always put yourself in the place of your partner and see how best you can convey the information without hurting that person much.

By: Jason Callum

Jason Callum frequently provides information and advice on dating, relationships and social events. Current readers of his articles might be interested in sites where you can meet Lesbian Couples and Hot Sexy Women for dating.

Tips for Successful Gay Dating

Finding the perfect date can be a daunting task, whether one is gay, bi-sexual or bi-curious. What to wear? Where to go? What to say? If you are about to embark on a first date, one thing is for sure: remember to be yourself and relax. Here are some dating tips that can help you make the date a real success. Be a little bit early! You’re sure to feel a bit nervous or shy, so arriving earlier than your date can give you a chance to go to the washroom without deserting your date. Compose yourself, fix your hair, wash those sweaty palms and relieve yourself if necessary.

Dress to impress. No, you don’t have to look like a Queer Eye for the Straight Guy make over. Just dress nicely and appropriately for the occasion and location. Not only will you look great but also feel very confident that you’re in the right attire. Where to meet? This is a very important question to ask. A place that is neutral and not too far from your place is better—just be sure to be familiar with the area. You would want to communicate and be heard effectively, so a quiet bar or someplace that’s not too noisy or rowdy is a good choice.

Concentrate! First dates, especially if you are the quiet or shy type, can be extremely tense and nerve-wrecking. Listen carefully to what the other person is saying-- this will enable you to know him better, know his interests and connect more easily. Ask creative and revealing questions in a courteous way, but also feel free to talk about yourself. Sharing the conversation is a good way to make your date feel relaxed, too. Leave the past alone. Avoid talking about past relationships and negative experiences. Every first date is a new beginning, so stick to the present and to the future.

Make him feel that it’s his time now and you have no leftover baggage. Be confident! It’s about knowing who you are, what you want and knowing that you’ll get it. Guys are always attracted to guys who exude confidence. Wear your “power underwear”. It doesn’t matter if you don’t end up in the sack or on the floor later on in the evening. Power underwear makes you feel incredibly powerful and sexy, flirty and confident—all the things you need on a date. Thongs in purple, red or black can give the shy guy that extra little edge, especially on a first date.

Stay safe! Although it has been proven time and time again that one night stands do not last the test of time, if that’s what you want then go for it! Play it safe, or you may want to concentrate further on the conversation and leave sex for a future time. Respect, and you shall be respected. Treat the other person with the same level of respect as you feel you deserve. If you are not interested, be honest! Be decent and let the other person know than taking him on a roller coaster ride of uncertainty. Let it be known, and you shall be free.

Don’t forget: Have confidence in yourself, your abilities, and everything will surely go well.

Author's Bio
The author of this article Ruth Purple is a Relationships Coach who has been successfully coaching and guiding clients for many years. Ruth recently decided to go public and share her knowledge and experience through her website RelaZine.com. You can sign up for her free newsletter and join her coaching program.
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Tips_for_Successful_Gay_Dating.html

Barriers to Relationship Intimacy: Avoid the Dirty Dozen

The following twelve areas are pitfalls in any relationship, that if allowed to flourish will
cause that relationship to degrade and suffer. Therefore to keep your relationship healthy
and alive, avoid the dirty dozen.

#1. Insufficient shared information creates a relationship vacuum and promotes guessing,
projection, and suspicion.

Healthy relationship choices are the outcome of thorough relationship evaluations, which
are based on the receipt of thorough, accurate information. You must fully know the data
that you aim to process.

It is a psychological maxim that data and information “hook” a person’s logic, provides
structure, support healthier ego functioning, adaptation, and planning. Conversely, no data
isolates you and throws you into an intra-personal world full of hunches, suspicion, and
inner mental meandering.

The early experiments of people put in isolation or sensory deprivation chambers caused
them to regress, hallucinate, and grow psychotic. These extreme examples indicate that
true interpersonality and the facts attached to it, support reality testing.

What you share with your partner is a germane consideration as well. You best criterion
for what is asked and what is answered is that information should be relevant and helpful,
but never hurtful and damaging. As an experienced “relationship choice maker” you soon
learn to know what is necessary and essential and what is more than you or your partner
need to know.

#2. Incomplete pre-relationship work creates a flood of unfinished business.

Nothing complicates a new relationship more than the unfinished business of an individual.
As discussed elsewhere in this book, the three major elements that a person needs to
“finish” (in a work-in-progress sense) are:

* a sense of completeness;

* fulfillment of potential;

* ability to take care of oneself.

All of these features are your pre-relationship work. This means that these three areas
should be basically “taken care of” in large measure before entering a relationship.

The personal unhappiness that stems from relative incompletion of these three spheres will cause significant disturbance and will slowly poison an unfolding relationship.

A healthy relationship is not composed of two halves, but rather two wholes.

#3. Fear of closeness creates distance and isolation.

The fear of closeness and intimacy has reached epidemic proportions in relationships. Why would someone be so afraid of becoming close to another person? The answer would reveal that the sufferer must be believe that closeness and intimacy must be dangerous and threatening to their well-being. A possible origin of this fear might be that the person may have suffered a traumatic loss of a loved one or someone’s love. Alternatively, the person may have witnessed their parents fighting and quarreling so often that they have concluded and believe that closeness is dangerous. While it is understandable that such a conclusion is reached, it is also premature and prejudicial: all relationships are not dangerous.

Fear of closeness is a phobia-driven illness, and its “cure” lies in progressive attempts to
safely and methodically get closer to another person who is capable of doing the same. No relationship can survive in a healthy fashion when the fear of closeness exists in any measure.

Pursuing and attaining closeness with a loved one should proceed while facing the inevitable fact that you will ultimately lose them. It is the reality of impermanence that makes the pursuit and attainment of intimacy and closeness even more meaningful, worthwhile, and necessary.

#4. Resentment and begrudgement invites wounding and sniping.

Resentment is an angry feeling towards another who you judge has significantly mistreated you. Resentment can go from a pre-occupation into an obsession that last for a lifetime. Resentment can also grow into begrudgement, which is a focus of ill will that objects to the good fortune of another. At worst, it is a wish for the suffering of someone who has hurt you.

When people in a relationship harbor resentment for each other, their “emotional field” becomes a hot zone with ongoing risks of flare-ups, arguments, and enmity. Minor
problems become enlarged fights because the pre-existing resentments and begrudgements find a foothold and ignite into a firestorm of controversy.

Just like cigarettes, resentment and begrudgement are poisons. They should be prevented or extinguished as soon as possible. The best way of preventing these poisonous feelings is through the use of effective relationship skills. The best ways of extinguishing them is through a effective conflict resolution.

#5. Unwillingness to take behavioral ownership creates scapegoats and destroys a partnership.

In my recent work with a gay couple, one partner claimed to feel free to flirt with the
waiters in the cafe’s of South Beach, right in the presence of his” significant other”. When
that significant other spoke up and voiced his discomfort over the flirting, he was chided
as being narrow-minded, possessive, and insecure. The flirting partner took no
responsibility for his behavior. Where is the basis for a healthy trusting partnership?

#6. Too much historical baggage creates relationship cynicism and distorts the present
moment.

One of the worst caricatures of this barrier is the multiply divorced person who is lost in a
fog of chronic bitterness towards the opposite sex. They appear unable to “see” truly new
experiences. All they can offer are generalizations that prove to meager, clumsy, and
incorrect in navigating the world of relationships. If they can “see” their baggage and
“dump it”, they can lead freer lives.

#7. Mockery and devaluation of your partner kills love.

Couples want to be esteemed by each other. There is no excuse whatsoever for
diminishing your partner. Mockery and devaluation are inevitably symptoms of anger,
resentment, personal insecurity, fear, personal unhappiness, or pathological narcissism. If
you feel the urge to put your partner down, refrain from it, and try to find the source of
this impulse. This will generally involve some unfinished personal ore relationship
business. Giving in to the impulse to mock and devalue your partner will eventually cause
their love for you to wither away and die.

#8. Addictive behavior creates damage, mistrust, and pain in a relationship.

This topic has been discussed elsewhere [special conditions in relationships] yet it will help to repeat some basic facts.

* no relationship can ever attain health in the presence of active addiction;

* anyone who knowingly pairs up with an active addict is as sick and “crazy” as the
addict;

* addiction is incurable, but manageable when the addict is involved in some form of 12 -
Step program. At a minimum, this requires going to meetings, getting a sponsor, “working
the Steps”, and doing service. You should also be aware that psychotherapy alone as a
treatment for addiction is woefully inadequate.

#9. Hypersensitivity and emotional bingeing create a lack of control in a relationship.

Hypersensitivity can be defined a a “disorder” of feeling too quickly hurt, affected, and/or resentful in response to the events and discomforts of everyday life. Hypersensitive people are emotionally affected more easily and quickly than the vast majority of their peers. Hypersensitivity can arise from inherited constitution, depression, active drug and alcohol intoxication, and many other sources. Hypersensitive people have something “wrong” with them that they need to face, fix, and manage.

Emotional bingeing, in contrast, refers to manipulative behavior under conscious control which overplays emotions regarding a given situation. Emotional bingeing reveals that the overdramatizing or exaggeration of feelings about a situation or an event - such as an affront - is an attempt to “purchase” a secondary gain such as feeling like a wounded victim or martyr. People who emotionally binge need to control themselves and be more responsible, because the flooding and prolongation of excessive emotion in the couple eats away at the logic, intellect, and “science” that lays at the foundation of healthy
relationships.

#10. Poor needs negotiation creates conflict.

You recognize that all people are different and that even the most compatible couple will have individual needs that differ at times. Effective management of differing needs takes a problem-solving approach that uses compromise and negotiation as its tools. Partners in a relationship who compromise often feel a sense of pride in modifying a need “downward” when they know it will satisfy and stabilize their partner and the relationship itself. Mutual
giving flourishes in an atmosphere of cooperation.

When any of the above elements are absent, by conscious choice or by lack of awareness, the satisfaction of individual needs in a relationship becomes more conflicted: a relationship loses its health when it becomes a battleground.

#11. Reactivity creates run-away fighting and arguing.

A famous directive from Alcoholics Anonymous instructs you to “exercise restraint of tongue and pen”. In contrast, reactivity is a mindless, thoughtless reflex and involves the least evolved, most primitive parts of yourself and your animal origins. Restraint is equated with thoughtful, conscious self-control and indicates better ego functioning. Soccer match riots epitomize the reactivity that leads to run-away fighting and even murder. A group becomes a mob. Restraint of reactivity minimizes the likelihood of rioting in a relationship.

#12. Litigious behavior changes the relationship into a courtroom.

Litigious behavior stands alongside psychoanalyzing one’s partner as the newest form of “verbal violence” in a relationship. Specifically, litigious behavior is a deeply neurotic relationship dynamic in which one partner sets out to prove they are right and the other partner is wrong. The goal and method is inevitably one of competitive domination. Litigating in a relationship is different from mindless immature bickering. Litigating can
hook a couple into an addictive, competitive battle in which victories sought through the intellectual and strategic conquest lawyers often use in court.

Litigating is to be avoided at all costs. Not only does it damage the goodwill in a relationship; it also creates the illusion that there is only one right way. Do you want to
create a courtroom out of your relationship? Certainly not.



Jan S. Maizler, MSW, LCSW, ACSW, is a long-time contributor of articles on
self-improvement. He can be reached at WWW.RELATIONSHIPHANDBOOK.COM or
305-940-1564

Author's Bio
Mr. Maizler has been in the private pracice of individual, marital, and group psychotherapy since 1980. He has published over 100 articles and 7 books. He can be reached through www.relationshiphandbook.com. or 305-940-1564
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Maizler4.html

Early Signs a New Relationship Won't Last

Choosing to invest in a new relationship directly affects your own level of personal happiness especially in the near-term ... and so it is extremely important to keep your eyes and ears open, and be aware of any potential incompatibilities as early as possible. There is absolutely no shame nor harm in cutting one's losses - because you are doing everyone a favor by ending it early if you know in your heart that things will ultimately not work out.

So what types of incompatibilities or behaviors should you as a single person be on the lookout for? The answer will be different for everyone - as each person has different tolerances and preferences. One good golden rule-of-thumb is - anything you notice right away that bugs you a little right now is guaranteed to bug the daylights out of you in the future ... so always keep that in the back of your head.

Here is a quick list of early relationship-stoppers that pop into my mind ...

1) Drama
I've found that overly dramatic women are usually really good in bed - especially early in the relationship. Later on, however, you may find that your life has no peace - due to her drama. [Same applies to men, if you are a woman reading this.] Early signs of drama might include yelling, or other extreme behavior.

2) Lack of consideration of others
No matter how hot your date is - if he or she treats other people poorly, then it is only a matter of time before you can expect the same treatment.

3) Destructive criticism
Someone who always hands out criticism of others will eventually get on your nerves - especially when YOU eventually become the object of their criticism.

4) Bad Hygiene
People typically put their best efforts into their appearance when a relationship is new - so if you notice any evidence of poor hygiene early on, then it's a safe bet that you haven't seen anything yet.

5) Appearance
Just as with hygiene - whatever bugs you right away will increasingly haunt you later. Could be the way they dress, their hair, tattoos, piercings, etc. Go with your gut feel on this kind of stuff.

6) Jealousy
A lot of people out in the world today are extremely jealous - and I personally find that quality terribly unattractive. If you notice any jealous behavior on your first date or two, then RUN (don't walk) in the opposite direction.

7) Obsessive Compulsive behavior
Unless you also have the exact same OCD, then anyone with obsessive compulsive tendencies will probably drive you crazy in record time.

8) Poor family interactions or relationships
The way your date treats their other family members will show you how they treat the people who they are closest to. If you don't meet the family right away, you can always ask about your date's family - and pay close attention to the response!

9) Bad table manners
Maybe I'm obsessive compulsive about table manners - but someone who talks and eats, or chews with their mouth open, or has food on their face, or anything even remotely out of place just drives me nuts in a hurry. Makes me wonder if the person was raised by wolves or something.

10) Lack of intelligence
I should probably call this "intellectual incompatibility" but what I'm referring to is when you notice that your date just says dumb stuff. The flip side to this is - if you think your date uses words that are too big. ha ha If it bugs you now, then just wait!

11) Drinks too heavily
I've dated really just one woman who turned out to be a fairly consistent alcoholic - and although she was great in bed, her drinking got worse over time, and it eventually made her very unattractive to me. It also led to a lot of unnecessary drama. If you think they over-indulge early in the relationship, chances are good that you haven't seen anything yet.

12) Smoking
No disrespect meant for the smokers out there, but I really cannot stand the smell of cigarette smoke - there is nothing more unattractive.

13) Major political or ideological differences
They say you should avoid discussing religion and politics - but either of those can be a source of extreme incompatibility in a relationship. I usually like to ask questions to figure out where a person stands (not make bold statements). And if I hear an answer that sounds like we have major differences in our way of thinking – then that's certainly a sign.

14) Religion
I’ve never had relationship problems based on religion – but I know of others who have ... and it usually was the result of one party being so absorbed in their particular faith that it caused them to insist on certain things. I'm talking about telling someone they would have to convert to their faith to marry them, etc. Or telling them they have to go to church with them. You get the idea – if one party has to insist upon it, there is a problem.

You might find yourself able to successfully tolerate ONE of the above incompatibilities - but if you notice two or more, then you might just be delaying the inevitable by not ending the relationship. You can always be friends ;o) Or you can simply drink more, and see where that takes you. ha ha

Author's Bio
You can read the original article, as published on midlifebachelor.com at the following URL:

http://www.midlifebachelor.com/articles/earlysignsarelationshipwontlast.html
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/early_signs_a_new_relationship_wont_last.html

From a Bird's Perspective

Who’s not scared of love? I mean whether you are scared that it will or will not find you, that it will or will not last, that it can or cannot exist – in some theory we are each scared of love. Scared of getting our hearts broken – scared of taking a risk – scared of putting ourselves out there. Scared of not taking a chance, or taking too many. Scared of making a leap of faith, or not enough. Scared of losing ourselves, or of truly finding who we are.

Whether you check mark the box labeled single, married, separated, or divorced – each of us has our own desires in a relationship, or what we anticipate from one. Each has our own hesitations and expectations … each are scared as to what happens when our expectations fall short, and our hesitations come to surface … and more likely, scared of what happens when expectations can be met, and we can stop being afraid.

When do we stop being afraid?

I watch my grandparents, who have been married for 52 years; still expressing their love for one another and I admire what they have. I once asked my grandpa the secret to their marriage, and his answer gave me such hope in relationships. He told me that him and grandma never fought over anything, besides the children – no matter what they always respected each other, listened to each other, and supported each other. I see them interact with one another and value that foundation of respect, and love. As Grandpa will tell me, “Kiddo, you’re not getting any younger…” On the eve of another birthday, I find myself not so much afraid anymore of finding love, but more afraid it will not find me. So how do we become unafraid? What first surfaces in my thoughts are to face our fears and shed our layers to our walls we have built in the form of self-protection. If I have learned anything from myself it’s that walls serve a purpose, but eventually you must learn to let in the good and not just keep out the bad.

“If you’re a bird, I’m a bird.”

If you are a woman and have a pulse you know what movie that line is from; for some of you of the male persuasion you may need to know that is from “the Notebook” – ah, you have heard of it …. .

Ladies, how many times have each of us seen “the Notebook” – eleven, twelve? Yet it happens to be on as you walk through the living room and you cannot help but sit down, grab a Kleenex and have a good cry. Doesn’t matter what you were doing at the time - dinner is burning, the toilet has a “diving” GI Joe in it, the door bell is ringing - we are mesmerized by this fictitious movie – it captures our mind, our hearts, and our thoughts. And it stays on our mind, the depth of their love … long after the ending credits stop rolling.
Why do we allow invented moments such as those shown on the silver screen – dominate our thoughts? Suckers for movie moments I suppose – but when was the last time someone gazed into your eyes and said something that made music begin to play in the background, while the stars did a twinkle dance (not to be confused with “tinkle” dance), and all at once your heart skipped a beat and you lost your breath ….

Yet still I am a hopeless romantic, waiting for a movie moment. And I would not change that quality about me in exchange for any other more “riskless” traits. The Dalai Lami said, “Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk…” I hear stories of what seems to be plaguing my friends at the moment; relationships just started off, relationships ending – some on hold, some hoping to take shape. I ask them why I am the go to Dear Abbey and I am told, “Because your heart is that of a true optimist. Rational, non-judgmental, understanding, and you always encourage a start and a finish, and cherish the in-between.”

So here is my advice to them, and my advice to you: Take a chance

Remember when we were in middle school and our biggest relationship moment was when a note was passed (or we did the passing) with the key question – “do you like me?” Followed by drawn squares of Yes and No … I would draw in my own little tiny box labeled, “maybe”, check it, and pass it back. Looking back, that maybe was my vague way of playing hard to get. I have no doubt that whether you were the passing party or the receiver, you were scared.

But the difference between then and now, besides our ages, maturity levels, and actual “events” of true love, heart break, and everything in between … is that back then we actually took chances. Sure, sometimes the note came back with a check mark by “No” with a “Way” written in behind it, but it did not stop us for trying … again, and again we would send and receive. We may have not known the meaning of love, but we could have taught our adult selves an invaluable lesson: pain is temporary – failure will last forever – not taking a risk can lead to worry of the unknown, and taking a risk could lead to a playground romance that just might turn into a walk home, and a nervous kiss on the cheek goodnight … but you will never know how that walk will turn out if you don’t initially take the first step ….

As fate would have it, as I began writing this piece, my daily affirmation arrived, from Tut.com and seemed to fit flawlessly:
Yesterday I watched a small bird, flying very fast, disappear into the canopy of an oak tree. So dense were its leaves that it was impossible to see what happened next, though I can tell you it remained inside.

I wondered how the little bird found its opening through the leaves at such a speed, and then managed to gently align its fragile body on the branch it chose to land upon, all within a fraction of a second. Not to mention the impossible to imagine flying maneuvers required: the banking, the curling, the vertical and horizontal stabilizations, the deceleration and landing.

Memory? Calculation? Not in that tiny brain. Instinct? Maybe, but how does instinct know which way the branches of a tree have grown when no two are the same?

Chrissy, that little bird just knew. It had faith, in spite of not being able to see how things would work out, that if (and only if) it stayed the course the details would be taken care of; that an opening would appear and a twig would be found.

In fact, had she slowed down enough to carefully and logically inspect the tree first, the prudent thing to do, she would have lost her lift and fallen to the ground.

Kind of like reaching for your dreams. Neither memory, nor calculating, nor instincts are the deciding factors, but faith coupled with action.

Stop doubting, stop questioning, stop analyzing – your break ups, your marriage, your new relationship, older one, or lack of one. You have a choice to let that someone in, or push them away. To build upon, or tear it down. To embrace change, or shy away. Having the understanding to your fears, and the appreciation to face them gives you an opportunity to cleanse your soul, improve yourself, and in turn improve the relationships around you. Being afraid … in whatever relationship capacity … can bring nothing refreshing to your life…

... but taking a "walk" … asking to be bird … and soaring without fear can give new perspective, new depth, and a new view to life ….

Author's Bio
Chrissy L. Kohler is the author and creator of Plan B, Life's Discussion, an independent website designed to encourage personal growth, and fulfillment in life.
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/from_a_birds_perspective.html

Space In Togetherness

As relationships evolve, lives gradually become entwined. We tend to have a great deal in common with the people who attract us, and our regard for them compels us to trust their judgment. While our lives may seem to run together so smoothly that the line dividing them cannot be seen, we remain separate beings. To disregard these barriers is to sacrifice independence. It is our respect for the fact that our lives exist independently of the lives of others that allows us to set emotional and physical boundaries, to explore our interests and capabilities even when people close to us do not understand our partialities, and to agree to disagree. Maintaining healthy barriers is a matter of recognizing the point at which our principles and those of our loved ones and peers no longer overlap.

Human beings must relentlessly fight the temptation to follow the crowd. Naturally, we want to be liked, accepted, and admired, and it often seems that the easiest way to win approval is to ally ourselves with others. When we assume that our standards are the same as those of the people close to us without first examining our own intentions, we do ourselves a disservice. The barriers that exist between us are a reminder that our paths in life will be unique, and we must each accept that "I" and "we" can coexist peacefully. Our reactions, our likes and dislikes, our loves, our goals, and our dreams may or may not align with those of others, but we should neither ask others to embrace what we hold dear nor feel compelled to embrace what they hold dear.

As you learn to define yourself as an emotionally and intellectually distinct individual, you will grow to appreciate your autonomy. However much you enjoy the associations that bind you to others and provide you with a sense of identity, your concept of self will ultimately originate in your own soul. The healthy barriers that tell you where you end and the people around you begin will give you the freedom to pursue your development apart from those whose approval you might otherwise be tempted to seek out. Others will continue to play a role in your existence, but their values will not direct its course, and the relationships you share will remain marvelously balanced and harmonious as a result.

Cleansing Your Power Center

Gut feelings earn their name from the place in the body where they make themselves known. A pang in your gut when you may be doing the wrong thing, or a vibrant zing when your body approves, can guide you reliably at times when logic fails. Sometimes, when logic prevails, we ignore our gut and live to regret it, understanding later that a rational approach is only one way of determining what is going on in a situation and how we should react.

Our gut resides in the neighborhood of our solar plexus and the third chakra just above your belly button. When it is functioning well, we can trust its guidance and adjust our actions accordingly. Many of us have a tendency to hold in this area of our bodies. We may take shallow breaths that never reach this vital nexus that is the source of our empowerment. It is in this place that we find the courage to act, to reach out into the world and create change. When our power center is out of balance, we are timid and out of sync, wishing we had said something we were only able to phrase later when we were alone; wishing we had acted on an opportunity we didn’t see until it was past.

In order to utilize your power center, you may want to focus your attention on it more regularly and make time to care for it. You can begin right now by taking a deep breath into your belly. On the exhale, pull your navel in toward your spine so as to empty out completely before taking another deep breath into your belly. When you empty completely, you release stagnant energy and create more space to be filled with fresh, nourishing breath. The more you practice this simple, cleansing exercise, the more clear and communicative your gut feelings will be and the more comfortable you will feel acting on them.
Source:

http://www.dailyom.com/articles/2009/19501.html