The Gay Vade Mecum

What was his name? Now keep track of all your tricks with Bedpost

2009-10-27T23:28:00.000-07:00

Bedpost, is a quirky web app that allows you to track your sexual activity online. It acts like an online calendar which you mark on whenever you have sex. The idea behind this is after a few months you can look back at your history and reflect.

sexual activity

One might ask why you can’t use Outlook for such a thing. Well I think that the two just wouldn’t feel right together. Bedpost is intended to be fun and quirky where as Outlook or other calendar programs are for your public life. Plus you boss might wonder what you’re doing having sex a half hour before a conference call with Tokyo.

Furthermore, it’s not just posting when you had sex. Bedpost also lets you track who it was with, how good it was and how long it (or rather you) lasted via a system of stars and sliders. So after a couple months one can look back at you calendar spread and see how often you’ve been getting busy and with whom. See what days are your most common, and how long you last on average.

For the moment, BedPost is still in private Beta testing but you can request invite on the site and they give it out quickly.

Features:

* Track your sexual life online.
* Also track who it was with, how good it was and how long it lasted.
* Get detailed stats.
* Similar tool: nOOkist.

Check out BedPost @ www.bedposted.com (by Dean Sherwin)

5 Relationship Myths (and How To Break Them) – life beyond therapy

2009-10-12T15:38:00.000-07:00

In the interest of furthering happy and healthy LGBT relationships, I’d like to share with you five long-held relationship myths and why it’s psychologically healthy to break them. Despite the hundreds of self-help books out on the shelves, there’s a lot of impractical and impossible advice given by the “experts”. After years in this business (of psychology), I’d like to share my favorite relationship myths with you, in the hopes that – by busting them – your relationships will be more fulfilling and loving for you and your honey:

Myth #1: Don’t worry about your (lack of a) sex life

After months (or years) of a relationship, many experts tell you that it’s okay if your sex life starts to suck. I say: no way! Sex is a crucial part of a healthy relationship. When we find ourselves too busy, stressed out and/or not emotionally connected with our partner, sex is one of the quickest and most pleasurable ways to reconnect. It helps you both to re-experience being those madly-in-love people you used to be. It’s all too easy to put off sex…but don’t do it! There’s nothing like a shared orgasm and a happy, post-coital glow to improve your outlook on life and remember why you love that man/woman you’ve been with all this while. A good sex life is part of your mental health: cherish it, hold it as a priority and make it happen.

Myth #2: Having/adopting children will bring you closer

In recent years, LGBT families are popping up all over the place…and it’s great! But, if you and your partner are considering becoming parents, please consider your motivation. While having a baby/adopting a child can be a fabulous bonding experience, it’s a million times more stressful on your relationship than your worst remodeling project could ever be. Imagine the unbelievable commitments of time and energy a child will require…how will this affect your private time with yourself and with your partner? While creating a family together can be amazingly fulfilling, it’s also incredibly difficult. Look at this one realistically before you make your two-some into a three-some.

Myth #3: Never go to bed angry

This is my favorite myth to bust. Has anyone ever really pulled this one off? I doubt it. Going to sleep angry isn’t great, but – for most of us – it’s occasionally part of coupledom. Even if you go to bed mad and sleep in separate rooms once in a while, it’s okay. Yes, okay. Don’t make it into a big deal…it’s part of life that many of us coupled LGBTers don’t talk about because we’re embarrassed. You can also try agreeing to disagree until morning. Sounds corny, but it often works. After all, how many of us are thinking clearly late at night? It’s a bad time for problem resolution. You both often see things more clearly in the morning anyway…and conflicts are usually more easily resolved after a little time has passed. You may lose a good night’s sleep, but in the long run, it’s worth it because your disagreements get resolved more completely and efficiently.

Myth #4: Never take your partner for granted

Doesn’t every episode of “Oprah” mention this in some form? It’s almost a cardinal sin. I say, it’s time to rethink this one. Doesn’t taking your partner for granted mean that you can count on, depend on and trust him/her…that you are both absolutely there for each other? You need to feel secure enough to lean on your partner without worrying that he/she will flake on you. This doesn’t mean treating someone badly; it does mean that you can count on each other and watch out for each other. This is also known as “security” and “dependability”, comprendez?

Myth # 5: Partners/lovers should be best friends as well as romantic partners

Doesn’t this sound logical? You and your partner know each other better than anyone else, so why wouldn’t you be best friends too? This myth brings a lot of pain and disappointment to a lot of my clients. One person cannot be everything to you. If they are, it’s a setup for unhappiness. The best relationships are a balancing act: time alone, time with friends, time with partner. Don’t give up your friendships when you fall in love…you need more than one person in your life to be close to, laugh with, cry with, hang out with, do stuff with. It’s normal to sometimes feel closer to your best friend than your partner. Just keep reconnecting to your honey while sharing your life with other people who love you…and everyone benefits.

May busting these myths bring you and your current (or potential) partner closer than ever. I encourage you to question every piece of “expert” advice you read, including this column. If the advice works for you, great. If it doesn’t: ignore it, trust your intuition and follow your heart. After all, YOU are the real expert in your life. Trust yourself.

The advice contained in this article is for informational purposes only. Always seek the advice of your physician, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of Content found on a Website.

life beyond therapy |Born in Northern Ohio (the oldest of four children), Michael Kimmel grew up in a small town of two thousand sassy farmers. He maintains a private psychotherapy practice and offer workshops for the Southern Californian LGBT community. Michael can be reached at www.lifebeyondtherapy.com

How to Make up with Your Lover

2009-10-02T21:05:00.000-07:00

Tips for Making up with Every Sign
Making up is hard to do, unless you pay special attention to your lover’s Sun Sign. The next time you find yourself in the dog house, consider the following tips. Pretty soon, you’ll be back in your beloved’s arms, rather than scratching at the back door for scraps!

Aries
Don’t beat around the bush with forthright Aries. Ask for their forgiveness, admit your wrongdoing, and promise to never commit the same mistake again. Stick to your word, because Aries has no tolerance for broken promises. Don’t wait for a “good time” to apologize, because the Ram will jump right back into the dating pool. A public apology may be in order if you’ve wounded this lover’s ego.

Taurus
Taurus is the most stubborn sign in the zodiac. If the two of you have had a fight, you need to admit that your lover was right in the first place. Until you do, your conversations will remain stalled. It’s also good to craft a plan that will help you deal with future conflicts in a constructive, healthy way. That way, you will ease the fears of your security-conscious lover.

Gemini
Send a funny note of apology. Nothing breaks down Gemini’s reserve like humor. If you’ve made a serious error, write a heartfelt letter asking for your lover’s forgiveness and send it overnight express. This sign admires swift, decisive action, and won’t wait by the phone for your call. If you really want to smooth things over with this lover, you’ve got to communicate. Otherwise, Gemini will sense you are holding something back.

Cancer
Making up with Cancer requires patience, delicacy, and tact. The Crab’s feelings are easily bruised. Don’t make light of your mistakes, and never tease them about theirs. Telling this sign that you can’t live without their love will usually do the trick. If Cancer still pouts after your apology, fix a home-cooked meal and fuss over their welfare. Make more time for this lover, and listen attentively to their concerns.

Leo
Flattery will get you everywhere with Leo. Apologize profusely for your misdeeds, and declare that you don’t deserve their love. Showering this sign with gourmet chocolates and hothouse flowers can also do this trick. Lions love lavish tributes. Make a greater effort to be worthy of their love by dressing well. When Leo sees that you’re trying hard to earn their affection, they’ll let you back into their life.

Virgo
Clean up your language. Virgo can’t stand swears and curses. Bone up on your etiquette. Knowing the proper thing to do will melt the Virgin’s reserve. Be on time, and tidy up your home. This sign will be far more likely to accept your apology if you clean up your act. If you want to make a peace offering, choose a good book. Virgo doesn’t like emotional appeals; they prefer dealing with problems on a logical front.

Libra
Express more interest in Libra’s activities. Brush up on your conversational skills. Make a point of complimenting this sign more often. Anybody who is born under the sign of the Scales needs constant verbal and physical assurance. Offer a formal written and spoken apology. Libra needs to know that you are serious about changing your ways. Make more of an effort to keep the romance alive in your relationship.

Scorpio
Make a dramatic gesture to demonstrate your devotion. As far as Scorpions are concerned, talk is cheap. Only positive action will get you back into their good graces. Whether this means breaking a bad habit, getting help for a serious problem, or ending ties that have undermined your relationship is immaterial. The important thing is that you act to satisfy Scorpio’s concerns. Always take this sign’s complaints seriously.

Sagittarius
Make a warm, affectionate peace offering. Sagittarians love pets, and may not be able to resist the lure of a cute puppy or kitten. Adopt a more open mind. Archers don’t obey any social conventions, and won’t enjoy being held to arbitrary rules. Become friends with their pals. This sign places greater emphasis on their social relationships than their romantic ones. The sooner you become one of the gang, the quicker you’ll make up.

Capricorn
Be honest and forthcoming. Capricorn can spot a lie from a mile away. If you screwed up, admit it and formulate a plan to do better. Empty promises will get you nowhere with this sign. Goats place great stock in material security. Opening a savings account will demonstrate your willingness to forge a stable future together. Never tease a Capricorn, especially when you’re trying to make up. This sign doesn’t play around!

Aquarius
Invite Aquarius to discuss your problems over coffee. The Water-bearer can’t resist a free exchange of ideas. Resist getting emotional with this sign, or you’ll remain single. Don’t keep any secrets from Aquarius, or your relationship will continue to stagnate. If you want this sign to stick around, you’ve got to keep everything out in the open. Be more open to adventure, and take the Water-bearer’s suggestions from time to time.

Pisces
Throw yourself at the mercy of this compassionate sign. Pisces can’t stand to see anybody suffer. Be less possessive and demanding. The Fish can’t stand a romance that resembles a prison. Accept the fact that this lover is extremely sensitive, and needs to be handled with kid gloves. Vow to be more tender and loving. Get into the habit of expressing your love on a daily basis, not just special occasions.

10 Feng Shui Tips for Increasing Love and Romance

2009-09-30T19:06:00.000-07:00

Feng Shui practitioners believe that the best way to attract love is to adjust your environment accordingly. Dingy surroundings, piles of clutter, and self-absorbed artwork can actually drive Cupid from your door. Here, then, are 10 simple tips for finding your perfect mate... or for increasing the passion in your long-term relationship or marriage.

Create Cozy Seating Arrangements
Single chairs send a loud and clear message to prospective suitors and spouses: Back off! If you're looking for love, create cozy seating arrangements from love seats, sofas, and chairs. Putting chairs at comfortable angles to each other will signal that you're ready to welcome a relationship.

Replace Images of Lone Figures with Pictures of Happy Couples
Artwork has a tremendous impact on the subconscious. When you surround yourself with photos, paintings, sculptures, and knickknacks of solitary figures, you'll carry yourself accordingly. Replacing such images with representations of happy couples will make you more receptive to love.

Keep the Television Out of the Bedroom
Nothing kills romance like the drone of late night television. If you have trouble falling asleep, try unwinding by reading love poetry or romantic novels. Your subconscious will shift accordingly, making you a virtual love magnet.

Treat Yourself to Sensual Bedding
That old ratty pillow from college and those serviceable sheets aren't doing your sex life any favors. Go ahead and splurge on pillows, blankets, and sheets that invite you to linger in bed.

Downsize from a King to a Queen
Sleeping on a huge mattress won't encourage intimacy. Invest in a comfortable queen-sized bed if you’d like to cultivate more love in your life. If you simply can't make the switch, make sure to sleep on patterned sheets to add some zest to your sex life.

Make Space for Each Other
Avoid making your partner feel crowded out by your possessions by reducing your personal clutter in shared areas of your home, closets, drawers, etc. When you demonstrate you are willing to share your physical space generously with your partner, the space in your hearts can open up, too.

Pull Your Bed away from the Wall
Pushing your bed against the wall effectively crowds out any chance for love to expand in your life. Arrange your bed so that it has enough space to walk on either side. Before you know it, you’ll be cuddling close with your special someone, instead of hugging your pillow for comfort as if you were alone.

Make Your "Gua" a Shrine to Love
Using the front door of your home as a reference point, the far right corner of your home represents relationships and is known as the "Relationship Gua" in Feng Shui. Therefore, you need to keep this area intimate and inviting. A love seat illuminated with adjustable lighting is ideal for this special spot.

Keep the Family at Bay
Your bedroom represents your romantic life. Therefore, the last images you want to see here are photos of dear old Mom and Dad. Children's artwork and toys will also undermine your sex life. Celebrate these relationships in other areas of your household, but keep your boudoir a private retreat.

Think Pink!
Warm colors like pink and red can enliven your love life considerably. Soft shades like rose, salmon, and coral can attract a gentle partner who is attentive to your needs, while bold colors like scarlet, crimson, and burgundy will draw a passionate adventurer to your side.

5 Stages of a Breakup-00-77

2009-09-22T09:42:00.000-07:00

If you're in a relationship that is about over - meaning the relationship seems to have fizzled out how are you going to end it? One of you has to. Some times relationships will keep going long after the "spark" is gone because ending a relationship can be very hard. Does breaking up have to be difficult? If you've been thinking "how do I end a relationship" so that neither of us gets hurt here is some helpful tips.
1. First you need to be very clear as to why you want the relationship to stop. The "easiest" reason that pops into your head may not be the real reason at all. Dig down deep and be sure you have a clear understanding of why you want the relationship to end.
2. Be honest with yourself and your partner. Now isn't the time to beat around the bush or fabricate lies. In most cases people deserve honesty. In the end each of you will be better off if you are truthful regarding the break up.
3. Whenever possible, end the relationship face to face. Avoid breaking up over the phone. If you and your soon to be ex live far from each other then it is better to break up over the phone vs. waiting for a time when you can be together. Do it sooner than later.
4. Be compassionate. The break up should not be nasty or mean especially if you want to stay friends later. Be sympathetic to their feelings as well as your own.
5. When considering "how do I end a relationship" remember not to put your partner on the defensive. Don't throw out accusation after accusation. Talk about the wonderful times and the memories that you will embrace. Try to respond to their needs during the break up if possible.
Ending a relationship is very hard most of the times. If you are wondering "how do I end a relationship" without harming someone of course there are no guarantees. We can not predict how another person will react or how emotional they will get. But if you follow this advice breaking up can be made a little easier for both parties involved.
--AllanR writes articles on relationships. The Magic of Making Up. This is a great book on relationships that every one in a relationship should have.

The 6 Stages by Michele OMara

2009-09-10T23:26:00.000-07:00

It was 1979 and I was 13 when the beautiful new girl in school, with long brown hair and green eyes, approached the locker next to mine. Obviously struggling to satisfy the lock she was trying to open, she turned to me and said, "Hi." She told me her name and said, "I'm new here." Out of the blue, my entire body flooded with what felt like a million butterflies all trying to get out at once.
It was at that moment that I knew there was something very, very different about me.
Ironically, that same year psychologist Vivienne Cass unveiled a 6-stage model of sexual identity development for gays and lesbians which would prove to be very handy information for a budding young lesbian like myself. Sadly, however, her research was not on my 8th grade reading list and I was left to figure all of this out by myself.
This six stage model by Cass describes a progression of phases that gay men and women go through as they "come out." It has been my observation that many people never get past stage four - how about you?
Here are the stages, see what you think.
STAGE 1: IDENTITY CONFUSION
"Am I gay?" This is where it all begins... with the wondering. Confusion and a general lack of clarity are the most common experiences during this stage. This is a pre-coming out stage and it's unlikely that you share your feelings with anyone. You are faced with four options: deny, reject, accept, or do more research. If you choose to "accept," please advance to stage 3. If you choose to "deny" this, skip your turn and stay here until you change your mind. If you choose to "reject," head on back to heterosexuality. Those choosing "more research," progress to stage 2!
Stage 2: IDENTITY COMPARISON
"Yes, it's possible, I could be gay." This is the "one of these is not like the others" stage (from Seaseme Street). This can be a very lonely, scary place - to not relate to your heterosexual peers, and to not have a network of gays and lesbians in place to normalize what you are feeling. During this stage you'll find yourself noticing what fits for you, and what doesn't as it relates to your sexual orientation. There is a lot of fear, denial, and hope that this is just a passing phase. Once you begin to connect with, or learn about, other gays and lesbians you slowly move into stage three.
Stage 3: IDENTITY TOLERANCE
"I'm pretty sure I'm gay." The isolation of feeling different from your heterosexual peers tends to motivate you to get out (or get online) and meet other gays and lesbians. During this stage you are gaining clarity about your gay sexual orientation, but you are not too happy about it. You continue to censor and hide your feelings from most people, while seeking connections with "safe" (other gays and lesbians) people with whom you can relate.
Stage 4: IDENTITY ACCEPTANCE
"Yep, I'm gay alright!" As you begin to find your place among other gays and lesbians, you develop greater comfort in your skin and you find more comfort spending time around others like yourself. As a result, you start to distance yourself from a heterosexual identity, while often trying to maintain the appearance to those around you that everything is the same. This is a complicated place to be, and is often riddled with fear, sadness, and even depression because of the feeling of living in between two worlds. There is a lot of anxiety about what it would mean to step out fully into an openly gay identity. The stress of managing dual identities (passing as heterosexual in some environments, and not others) becomes stressful and overwhelming.
Stage 5: IDENTITY PRIDE
"I am gay and I'm proud of it." Responses in this stage can range from feelings of anger toward your perceived oppressor (heterosexuals), to greater comfort with being out in all areas of your life, without apology. This stage brings greater confidence about who you are, and while you continue to prefer the company of your gay and lesbian peers, you put less energy into censoring your life from others.
Stage 6: IDENTITY SYNTHESIS.
"Being gay is just one important aspect of who I am." This final stage, for those who continue to take the necessary risks to be true to themselves, brings the gay or lesbian person full-circle. You can now function as if sexual orientation is not a central variable in life. Here you have integrated your sexual orientation with the rest of your life, you are able to make decisions, interract socially, and function in life without doing so through a filter of your sexual orientation. Your life is no longer about dealing with, concealing, censoring, or advocating for the right to be gay - it is about living, loving, and being with ALL of who you are.
So where do you fall in these stages?

Warmly,
Michele OMara

Making Up With Your Ex - The Key is Believing

2009-08-20T09:42:00.000-07:00

I can hear it now. This guy is crazy. It takes a lot more than just believing to make up with your ex. I totally agree. Getting your ex back most times is not an easy feat. It will require patience, creativity, strategy as well as the action needed to carry out your great ideas. I know this just as you do. So where am I going with this?

With the simple act of believing, a great creative strategy is useless not being mixed with action. The key to believing produces action. The action needed to write that email, or send that text, or leave that voice mail. Without believing that your action will produce a positive result you are not likely to take that action.

You need to make a list of everything you've done right in the relationship. If you were kind, encouraging or loving to your ex, they probably miss this in you. If you were always funny and telling jokes, I'm sure not being with you is difficult. If you were good to your ex, as most people usually are, what things made you good? Any ideas that you can recall will help to develop your confidence.

Most people believe they have done irreparable damage to the relationship. In most cases that simply is not true. Many relationships that can be saved are lost forever. I'm telling you today that it is totally possible to win your ex's heart and trust back. All you need is the right tools.

By: Demond Jackson

Throughout this story I've been referring to a step-by-step game plan anyone can follow to win back their ex. Here's where you can find it: watch this quick video (it's under 10 minutes) that explains the entire process.&nbsp. If you're serious about making up with your ex, you must take action right now!!

How to Win Your Man Back for You to Have a Successful Making Up Relationship in a Lifetime?

2009-08-19T09:16:00.000-07:00

How to win your man back for you to have a successful making up relationship in a lifetime?
If you want to know how to win your man back then make sure you are not doing any of these things.
Don’t be needy. It is death to the possibility of making up if you run to him and smother him. By clinging on and not giving him any space to breath you are pushing him further away. You have to look mature at this time and look to be in control of yourself. If you are falling over yourself to get attention from him then stop now as it will look ugly from his point of view.
Don’t tell him you love him, can’t live without him etc. This will sound really hollow right now. Don’t cheapen the word love by using it over and over. There will come a time when you can say it again, but not right now. You have to stand tall and be strong on your own at this moment.
Don’t call him. You shouldn’t make any contact at all in the initial stages after a break up. You have to stay completely away from him to starve him of anything to do with you. This will start the process of him missing you. Don’t text or email, this is not how to win you man back. If you do every time his cell phone beeps he will wonder if it is another crazy message from you. And this is not the kind of thing you want him associating with you. You want him to be thinking “I wonder what she’s doing now?”
Don’t stay at home and cry. You need to focus on building your confidence again, so you need to get out and have some fun. Even if it is little by little in the first place, you have to push yourself to socialize. By giving you more interesting experiences it helps the make up process in the future. Basically it gives you more to talk about when you meet your ex again.
Don’t rely on fate. Yes, it happens in the movies, chance encounters bring people back together, but in reality it rarely happens. If you are serious about learning how to win your man back have to take action yourself.
Indeed, life is short. Don't let another day go by without taking a chance on happiness. You will never know until you try, so remember to make a move today. It can change or affect the rest of your life, therefore, at the very least, you can try to come out something for your ex love partner during your weekend plans. With a little practice, perseverance and patience, I believe that your relationship could be enhanced with the tips that I have shared earlier. If you have faced any problems with your loved ones, do not hesitate to visit this piece of article again.
I really have a strong belief that if you can understand what I have explained and applied what you have learnt from this piece of article, your problems can be eventually solved and your making up relationship can become more stable and stronger. I wish all the best for your making up relationship with your partner. Do always remember to spread word of mouth to your fellow friends for supporting the decision of having making up than breaking up.
Looking for the magic of making up ? Maybe your situation is not covered in this article? Watch a video that shows you exactly what you must NEVER do, what you should do to get your ex back and why at http://www.squidoo.com/how_can_i_retrieve_my_ex_lover_back
You will also learn how to reverse the situation if you have already done those things that should NEVER be done.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/how-to-win-your-man-back-for-you-to-have-a-successful-making-up-relationship-in-a-lifetime-591604.html

About the Author:
Jim Lim Da Hong, sgtopmarketseller@gmail.com , Freelance SelfEmployed Graduate

Four Crazy Strategies For Getting Back Together With an Ex

2009-08-18T14:06:00.000-07:00

Getting back together with an ex is a mind consuming project. All you can think about is getting them back. This article will show a few simple things you can do today to initiate the process.
It really doesn't matter what you've done, getting your ex back is totally possible. The first strategy to getting your ex back is to have confidence. You must believe that you can win back the love of your ex. Stop telling yourself all the reasons your ex will never take you back. Stop reminding yourself what you did wrong. Now is the time to believe that your ex can and will see you in a new light.
The next crazy thing to do is ask those closest to you, preferably your ex, to help you identify any flaws within yourself that you are unable to see. It is easy for others to see that we are selfish, unloving, harsh or unconsciously disrespectful. Many times we don't see our bad qualities. We need the people who love us to be honest about who and how we are. If at the core we are a jerk, we need to know.
The third crazy tip is to reach out to others for support. In times of a breakup it is common to isolate ourselves. This is a time to reach out to others. Being alone will only cause more depressing doubt thoughts to plague you. Getting valuable input from others may offer you ideas you haven't thought of yet.
My final crazy strategy is to buy a book or ebook specifically designed to help you get your ex back. There are hundreds written to help you strengthen your relationship. But not many that focus on making up and getting back together with your ex.
By: Demond Jackson

How to Get Your Lover Back Without Losing Yourself

2009-08-17T01:21:00.000-07:00

Getting in and out of relationships is common for many people today. However, many a times you might find yourself stuck in a dilemma. After having lost someone you loved, you suddenly come to realize that he or she plays such a great role in your life that you want him or her back. In other words, you regret ever having broken up the relationship. So, now you need to know how to get your lover back without losing yourself. This is because many people fall into the trap of seeming too desperate or weak, such that it simply turns their ex away, diminishing all the chances of getting anywhere near being a couple again.

There are many things you need to avoid and do before you re-establish contact with your partner.

Firstly, ensure that a reasonable amount of time has passed so that he or she has enough time to think about your relationship. Do not pester her or harass her by calling her or leaving tens of text messages in your lover's inbox. This is because you want to avoid looking desperate and your lover will definitely need some alone time to reflect. Of course, you should not even think about stalking him or her as it will only ruin all your chances of getting back together. You do not want to be labeled as a "freak" or "stalker" now would you? So be careful of what you do or say as anything in excess of that is not recommended.

Next, avoid losing your personality and who you are. Do not get depressed or give up doing the things that you like because of the break up. Now, your lover used to love you because of who you are and what you can do. So by sliding into a state of depression or quitting your job is not going to impress him or her. In this case, you need to plan your strategy well and live your life to the fullest. Get your life back on track, look your best and improve everything about you. By showing your strong and confident side, your lover will come to see what he or she had lost, and will come to want you back again. Show your lover that you are able to move on and leave a good impression of yourself. This is the best way to get him or her to be interested in you once again.

Then, before you ask your lover out on a date, do make sure that it is a well planned one. Prepare what you are going to say and think of how your lover will react. Do not rush into saying sorry and have nothing else in mind to ease the situation. You could probably let him or her know how much you care, and why the two of you should get back together. Avoid sounding too pushy but give your lover the time and space to think about it.

To make a relationship work you have to be yourself. You do not want to sacrifice everything and be in a miserable relationship. So, waste no more time and pick up the techniques that you need to get your lover back immediately!
About the Author:
Colin Strouse is an authority on Relationship Management providing valuable advice at www.getyourexbackyesterday.com where you can learn how to get an ex back. Click Here to gain FREE access to his relationship-saving secrets!

Article Source: ArticlesBase.com - How to Get Your Lover Back Without Losing Yourself

Mixed Signals Make Ending Relationship Difficult pt2

2009-08-17T00:26:00.000-07:00

Continuing from my last post, here’s the rest of my message about mixed signals in relationship.

A useful assumption about relationships is that we attract our partners into our lives not just because of love, or shared values, chemistry or mutual interests. A big part of the attraction is that we see in them, subconsciously, the opportunity to complete unfinished patterns in our own lives (unexpressed feelings towards someone else, entrenched counter-productive mindsets about ourselves, emotional irresponsibility, projection, etc.)

When these old patterns are complete, either the dysfunction resolves and the relationship grows, the dysfunction resolves and the relationship is no longer appealing, or the relationship ends and the dysfunction gets carried with us to the next relationship. That’s why people experience the same patterns in new partners. We bring them with us!

If the relationship with an emotionally or physically abusive partner isn’t complete for you, then whatever you are holding on to is YOURS, not his. And if it isn’t complete for him, (and clearly it isn’t, because he’s also doing the push/pull routine) then whatever he’s holding on to is HIS, not yours. Not picking up his stuff is a way of keeping the relationship with you going. Talking about you to people you know is a way to get word back to you that he’s still involved with you. But for you, this is a boundary issue. You must congruently and consistently set the boundary in place so that YOU are not sending ANY mixed messages. The only message from you to him ought to be, “It’s over. Move on. Work on yourself, because working on you isn’t my job.”

In my opinion, the best solution for you is to quit working on his stuff and get to work on your own. Stop concerning yourself with what he says to others and notice what you’re saying to yourself. The most interesting question is what does this say about you, that this was the person you allowed into your life? I suggest you look at the fact that you chose him as your partner, for however long he was your partner , as feedback about issues in yourself that need attention. And I encourage you to get some help in the form of counseling and coaching, and work through these things to get closure on your own instead of trying to get closure with him instead.–”

That’s what I said to her. I’d love to hear your comments and feedback about relationship lessons you’ve learned.

Be well,

Rick

Mixed Signals Make Ending Relationship Difficult pt1

2009-08-17T00:21:00.000-07:00

Occasionally, I hear from someone who is in a difficult relationship situation and asks for help. With only the written word to go on, I have to fill in the blanks with intuition and experience. Obviously, giving a one page answer is no substitute for counseling, where I’d have the ability to gather more information and design an intervention or direction based on a real understanding of the dynamic involved. Still, there is value in asking for help, and there is some help to be found if you are able to take initiative on your own.

Today’s post is from a comment that I received on this blog in an earlier post about mixed messages, and my response to it.

Here’s what the commenter wrote:

   I’m at my wits end, can you help or give me advice? Me and my partner have split up recently, we’ve had contact since, but he is confusing me with mixed messages.

   Examples…if i don’t contact him he contacts me, but will very nice to me, but if i should contact him his attitude becomes sharpe and cocky. He will make comments to me about treating me bad and how I don’t deserve it, then say to other people that he ‘can’t live like that’ as though he’s putting blame on me!

   The reason we broke up was because he hit me. I know its wrong but i slapped him back. Now he changes his comments all the time about the situation. One minute he was in the wrong, the next he’s a victim. His comments and behavoiur just aren’t consistant.

   He says he doesn’t like the person he is, but i haven’t seen any change in him at all. He tells people he’s worried about me, and has feelings for me, its not me its him. Then after a few days, he makes comments like” i’ve seen a different side to her lately that i don’t like,” when we haven’t even seen or spoken to each other!

   Another example: There are still some of his things at my house. He says he wants them back, then doesn’t come for them. There have been many times he’s rang but hasn’t even mentioned it. I’ve tried to make arrangements with him but nothing comes of it.

   Can you help? What are your veiws because this is really messing with my head. What does he want, or does he not know himself, or is it game playing? Thank You

Here’s my reply:

Thanks for your questions, I’ll do what I can to give you a useful answer here, but I think what would do you the most good is finding a good counselor to work through this. It seems to me that you are also sending mixed messages. You broke up with him, and yet you call him. I find myself wondering why. Is it about him getting his stuff? If it is, you could box it up and put it somewhere else so he can get it at his leisure without you having to deal with him, and be done with it.

The fact that he hit you tells me he has serious impulse control problems, because there’s just no excuse for that. It also means that there are parts of himself he does not know, maybe unresolved anger towards his own mother or some other female authority figure in his life. Instead of working through them inside himself where the problem really exists, he tried to work them out through you. Hitting him back makes sense, and is a better response than allowing yourself to be beaten by him. But the best response is the one you chose. End it and get away from him for your own safety.

Back in two days with the rest what I told her. Meanwhile, your comments are welcome!

be well,Rick

"10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives" Excerpt

2009-08-16T23:32:00.000-07:00

This empowering book provides 10 positive steps gay men can take to identify and overcome self-defeating behaviors and move toward a healthier and more rewarding life. These steps have proved invaluable to the hundreds of gay men Joe Kort has helped in his 16 years of individual, couples, and group therapy. You’ll identify with and be inspired by the stories of the men who’ve followed this path to achieve emotional, sexual, and personal fulfillment.

Who Should Read This Book? Gay Men and Their Families / Counselors / Psychologists / Psychiatrists / Social Workers / Educators School Counselors / Clergy / Physicians / Psychiatric Nurses / Other Human Service Professionals

An Excerpt from the Book . . .

What Works? And What Doesn’t Alan was a 34-year-old consultant for one of the car companies in Detroit. He came to see me after experiencing depression over his gayness and his relationship with his partner of five years. He’d been seeing a heterosexual male therapist in town but felt he wasn’t getting anywhere—either with accepting his homosexuality or resolving the conflicts in his relationship. His therapist referred him to me, telling him that I was gay as well.

Alan was handsome, with boyish looks and tightly cropped hair. His body testified that he was involved with sports—he played soccer and baseball on a regular basis. For his first session, he came to my office dressed in his work attire—tie, white shirt, and wing tip shoes.

“Look at me!” he said. “I don’t look gay. You don’t either. Maybe we’re fooling ourselves. This is just wrong! This isn’t how I envisioned my life. I wanted to be straight, with a wife and kids by now!”

Alan filled me in. Six years before, he had been engaged to a woman—then broke up with her. Secretly, he’d promised himself that if their relationship didn’t work out, he’d act on his gay feelings and come out of the closet. He didn’t want to make any other woman suffer with his inability to commit to her. He knew why he could not commit —he was gay. He could have sex with women, but found it unfulfilling.

On the other hand, Alan didn’t like being gay. He felt he was giving into urges he was supposed to repress. He was horrified at the idea of being out and open with others —particularly his family—knowing he was gay.

Alan came from a rural town in Michigan, where his family still lived in the house he grew up in. Nothing had been painted. The furniture never changed. Appliances from his childhood, aside from ones that absolutely had to be replaced, were still there. It was as if time stood still. His parents had stagnated, plugging away in the same jobs they’d had their whole adult lives and drinking at a local pub they frequented every weekend. On a few occasions when he was a child, Alan recalled, his parents took him along and left him and his siblings in the smoky pinball game room while they went to drink in the bar.

Alan couldn’t conceive of admitting to his parents that he was gay. “That will never happen,” he told me. “They would die! I can’t do this to them.”

Soon after Alan came out at a local gay bar he met his partner, Matthew. Alan had done little or no dating before Matthew. Being with Matthew was fun and exciting at first, but after the second year Alan felt unhappy because their relationship was in a rut. Alan wanted to integrate his life more closely with Matthew’s—he wanted the two of them to live together.

Matthew initially agreed to their living together, but whenever it came time for either of them to move in with the other, or to sell both houses and buy a new home together, Matthew came up with some reason why it wouldn’t work out. This conflict simmered for three years.

In addition, Alan was angry at Matthew for not wanting to spend more time together. They saw each other once during the week and once over the weekend. Matthew claimed that with Alan in his bed, he couldn’t get a good night’s sleep and couldn’t function well at work. When Matthew resisted making any move or changing his behavior, Alan would lash out. They would argue, and Alan would become enraged, shout, and slam doors.

Alan admitted that part of the problem was his worry about what other people might think if they knew he was gay. If he went out to dinner, he didn’t feel people were staring if he went with a male coworker, but he admitted feeling that if he and Matthew went to dinner, everyone would know they were gay—much to his embarrassment.

Though Alan complained about Matthew’s avoidance, he was stuck in a pattern of unhelpful behavior too—with a large amount of internalized homophobia about being gay. He blamed his difficulties on the closet and on living in Michigan, and he resented Matthew for not participating more actively in their relationship.

In our work together, I tried to help Alan focus on his childhood, because he seemed to be replaying exactly what had happened to him then, back when his parents neglected him. Now he found himself with a partner who, he felt, also neglected him. His frustration with Matthew was understandable, but his high level of anger was an overreaction. It belonged to his parents.

He said that my making the connection to his childhood made logical sense, but he wasn’t experiencing any angry or hurt emotions toward his parents. “They did the best they could, and it makes me feel bad to think they did anything negative.”

No matter how much work Alan did, in both individual and group therapy, he couldn’t reach his true feelings about his parents. He came to my workshops for helping gay men heal and rid themselves of self-hatred and homophobia, went to gay events around the community—and still felt bad about being gay. He stayed closeted at work and to other members of his sporting teams. His relationship with Matthew stayed the same, even though many times Alan threatened to end it.

Finally, though, it was Matthew who broke it off. One night at Matthew’s house, Alan became so angry he threw something across the room and broke a window. Matthew told him he’d had enough and ended the relationship.

Now Alan found himself in a bind. Not seeing any progress, he’d dropped out of the gay men’s group the year before, and he had no network to support him. His symptoms of depression grew worse. He couldn’t tell his family what was going on, and he had no one else to talk to but me.

Isolated and alone, Alan was back where he was as a child, but he continued to deny that his childhood was at all related to his current situation or that his overreaction to Matthew’s distancing relationship was really a replay of how he’d felt as a child.

I didn’t think Alan could make much progress until he decided to live more openly, and I told him so. I felt that he’d find, stored away in his closet, many other feelings and memories about his childhood. But he wasn’t ready to deal with it all. I expressed concern that he’d keep feeling isolated, lonely, and abandoned—unless he addressed the issues of his parents’ neglect when he was a child.

Many of us find ourselves in a place like this. I’m a psychotherapist who specializes in Gay and Lesbian Affirmative Psychotherapy and Imago Relationship Therapy, which is a specialized program in helping people with relationship issues, men’s issues, childhood sexual abuse, and sexual addiction/ compulsion. Over the past ?? years, I’ve treated literally thousands of gay men in the Detroit area—in one-on-one individual therapy, ongoing group therapy, in workshops for singles, and for partnered couples.

Again and again, I see clients make the same mistakes. And inevitably, I find myself giving dozens of clients the exact same advice.

Reading this book, I hope you’ll recognize the stumbling blocks, both internal and external, that have held you back from living an effective, totally fulfilled gay life. Each of these 10 smart things is an antidote to a specific problem that clients have brought to my office time and again.

Through my work with clients over the years, I’ve seen what works and what doesn’t work. Now I’d like to make these “prescriptions” available, in book form, for every gay man to use.

These 10 smart things constitute a kind of checklist—answers to the challenges any gay man may face, at one time or another, throughout his life. Yes, every gay man can score 10 out of 10 if he wants to. But none of these chapters is a cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all prescription. Throughout, I’ll give you real-life examples based on my work with clients who put these basic principles to work in their own way—almost always with considerable success and satisfaction.

I ask every one of my clients (and everyone who reads this book) to recognize that he’s a unique individual. Health and happiness are your birthrights. And yes, you happen to be gay. So to live a rewarding life as a gay man, you must tailor anybody’s advice—mine included—to fit your own particular goals and circumstances, always keeping your own values, lifestyle, and personal strengths in mind.

In upcoming chapters, I’ll introduce you to gay men who’ve crippled themselves emotionally (and often sabotaged their romantic relationships as well) by not coming out to anyone except themselves, their partners, and a few close friends. In most cases, their self-protective impulse only serves to keep them isolated. You’ll also meet heterosexually married men who in their 40s and 50s came out of denial and admitted they were gay all along. They experience a profound sense of liberation when they find the courage to come out, being honest with themselves and their families.

You’ll read how coming out to your family can reawaken—even worsen—the dysfunctional problems that have lain dormant in the closet. But you’ll also learn how men from 15 to 57 have forged deeper, warmer bonds with their parents, siblings, former in-laws, and, in some cases, their children.

I’ll explain why gay men are so often criticized for being “childish” or “immature,” and how to avoid succumbing to gay culture’s overemphasis on looks, youth, and glamour. Afraid of growing old? I’ll offer you numerous remedies, including meaningful involvement in your local gay community serving as a mentor and giving other gay men (both younger and older) the benefits of your own hard-won experience.

I will explore with you the specific ways that sexual addiction manifests in the gay male community. Most cases of sexual addiction are rooted in childhood sexual abuse and often respond to a combination of individual and group therapy. You’ll learn why so-called reparative therapies—to “cure” our homosexuality—can’t possibly work. At the same time, you’ll learn about the genuinely helpful “therapy workout” opportunities available to every gay man. Is the best therapist for you male or female, gay or straight? Stay tuned!

Perhaps most important, I’ll show you how to keep your romantic relationship with another man alive and evolving as you both pass beyond the first stages of infatuation, through the inevitable power struggle, and on to deep and abiding love. Believe it or not, your most serious quarrels and disagreements are potentially healthy and can lead to tremendous personal growth for you both, as partners and as individuals.

Even if a wedding or commitment ceremony doesn’t feel appropriate for the two of you, you’ll want to read about other gay couples who have taken that courageous step—with all the frustrations, surprises, and joys that went with it.

You don’t need to be a Mensa member to do smart things and to start reaping the benefits. Hundreds of my clients have already proven to my satisfaction (and, more important, to their own) that these choices work.

Psychology can seem dauntingly complex, and sometimes a bit scary. Might there be some things lurking down in your subconscious you’d rather not hear about? No need for timidity. I will work to keep things as clear, accessible, and practical as I can. My clients —from their early teens to their 70s, from every walk of life—help dramatize the issues and hassles that every gay man must face. Armed with their wisdom, clarity, and understanding, you can continued from previous page make personal breakthroughs while still enjoying the special advantages that gay culture has to offer.

You need not agree with every word I say. While reading about the dozens of gay men who came to me for help, however, you’re sure to recognize many of the challenges you’re facing right now.

Every one of these 10 smart things has the same goal: to help you live happily, confidently, and successfully as a gay man—inside and outside the gay community.

Author's Bio

Psychotherapist Joe Kort has been in practice since 1985. He specializes in Gay Affirmative Psychotherapy as well as IMAGO Relationship Therapy, which is a specific program involving communication exercises designed for couples to enhance their relationship and for singles to learn relationship skills. It is based on the books "Getting The Love You Want" and "Keeping The Love You Find" by Dr. Harville Hendrix.

Joe also specializes in sexual addiction, childhood sexual, physical and emotional abuse, depression and anxiety. He offers workshops for couples and singles. He runs a gay men's group therapy and a men's sexuality group therapy for straight, bi and gay men who are struggling with specific sexual issues. His therapy services are for gays and lesbians as well as heterosexuals.Now an adjunct professor teaching Gay and Lesbian Studies at Wayne State University's School of Social Work, he is doing more writing and workshops on a national level.

Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Kort1.html

Journey to a Better Relationship

2009-08-16T20:12:00.000-07:00

The symbol for a journey towards a better relationship is a spiral. Growth itself is also a journey. Look at the center of a spiral, this is where life begins. As we walk on our journey we soon come to a challenge and descend into the shadow side.

This is where we face our fears, learn our lessons and begin to seek the light. We often do not notice the sun high in the sky on a bright summer day. But when we walk outside on a dark night we are drawn to the shiny stars, which are like pinholes in the night sky. Before modern technology we used these stars to find our way through the night.

Follow the line of the spiral through the darkness and you will see that it returns to the light. It does not just return but it goes even higher into the light. The reward for journeying into the dark is to bring the subconscious into the light for illumination. This gives us greater access to our sacred self by integrating the lessons of our shadow. The benefit of going through the dark and facing our fear is not only to heal our wounds and feel better but also to gather strength and tools to face other challenges in life.

Unfortunately, most people spend their lives and relationships hovering just above the centerline before the spiral dips down into the darkness for the second time. They stay stuck in dead end jobs that suck the life out of them. They settle for relationships that are dull, listless and boring. They resign themselves to a life of mediocrity in order to avoid the intensity of going through the growth process that requires facing the dark night of the soul. They focus on small things like getting a bigger house or car, losing ten pounds or buying more stuff that they hope will fill up the hole inside of them. It is not so much that they refuse to face their pain but rather that they don’t have any idea how to travel through their shadow side and create a better relationship.

The first time we go through the process we are like a fool going along on our merry way until the floor drops out from under our feet and lands us on our bottom in a pile of crap. We are completely innocent and totally destroyed. No wonder 95% of people live their lives statistically similar to their parents.

Only 5% of the population will profoundly change their lives from what they experienced as children in ways such as social-economic status, level of education, even living within a 50-mile radius. The number one reason for this stagnation is lack of growth. Why? As human beings we like homeostasis. For most people change is like a bolt of lightning and comes as an external force such as getting laid off from your job.

Positive change happens in the same way like a chance meeting that leads to marriage or finding out you are pregnant. Because change happens as a blast we are not prepared and struggle to get grounded again. So life has taught us that change is scary, and that we have no power or control. The blast of change that “happens” to us forces us to feel emotions that we have buried, after all it is not feelings of happiness that we are avoiding.

Just like sharks need to move in order to breathe or to live, as human beings we need to grow in order to thrive. We have the free will to tread water. Treading water keeps us in that stuck place and prevents us from feeling pain. But treading water comes with an enormous price tag it blocks our ability to grow, which makes our lives mean, small and narrow. The one question I ask my clients that I believe determines how one moves through difficult things in their lives is “Why do we have life and what happens when we die?” Most people who will answer that there is something more after life and that some how what we do here affects what will happen after we die; that we are here to learn something for some reason.

I was talking about this with one client in particular who had an extremely violent and abusive childhood. She stared at me with terror in her eyes and spat out with venom “So you think that there is a reason that my dad did all those horrible things to me”. And I looked back into her eyes with love and compassion and said think about it this way, wouldn’t it be worse if there was no reason. No reason for all the pain and suffering on this earth.

No reason for all the awful things that people go through and do. Because to me be that would be cruel and pointless and depressing. And God would have to have a sick sense of humor. And I challenged her to think about how those experiences have shaped her life, who she is because of what she has been through and what she has learned. And over time she was able to release the pain and forgive in a way that left her whole and at peace.

Yes life is full of crap. But if you allow and if you chose to struggle and feel again and start walking on your journey again. Then you can let all that crap decompose and turn into a rich fertilizer that you can then use to grow strong and tall. Everyone has crap. Every life has pain. That is not something we can avoid, it just happens to us.

But everyone also has the free will to get stuck in the never ending but tolerable dull ache or to dig in and feel that pain briefly and intensely, which will lead to opening your heart up again to love and joy and happiness. To be whole requires us to embrace our light and our shadow side. What doesn’t kill us makes us whole. It is only in the darkness that we can seek the light. Where fear and anger and resentment grips your life there you will find your victories.

As endless beings we are destined to heal everything and become whole. It is our free will that determines how long it will take us to begin the healing process by facing the darkness. It is only by walking through the dark night of the soul that we can come to stand in the full light of day and journey to a better relationship with all those in our lives.

The symbol for a journey towards a better relationship is a spiral. Growth itself is also a journey. Look at the center of a spiral, this is where life begins. As we walk on our journey we soon come to a challenge and descend into the shadow side.

Author's Bio
Jean Kadkhodaian, MA, CH, Rev., is the Clinical Director at The Lighthouse Emotional Wellness Center, located in Arlington Heights, Illinois. Although The Lighthouse is the midwest's premiere center of its kind, offering a wide variety of emotional wellness services to its clientele, Jean and her husband primarily work with couples seeking happiness and satisfaction in life and relationships. You can reach Jean directly by emailing her at jeank@lighthouseofillinois.com
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/journey_to_a_better_relationship.html

Five Good Ways To End A Relationship

2009-08-16T18:17:00.000-07:00

People form relationships with the intention of making it last forever. But fortunately or unfortunately, as the case may be, many of these relationships do not last for long. Ending a relationship can be quite painful and the partners involved should take utmost care in parting with dignity. There are some good ways in which you can end a relationship.

1. You might end a relationship with your partner because of some personal differences. But when you part you should always see to it that you are not hurting your partner in anyway. The best thing for you to do would be to explain the reasons openly in an objective manner and convince your partner about your decision so that her/she is not left in the dark about matters and feel sorry for the break up.

2. When you want to end a relationship clearly talk out the entire issue with your partner. Do not avoid your partner by not talking to him/her or not answering his/her phone calls. This will only give the wrong message to your partner. You should bravely and unemotionally approach the entire situation and handle it.

3. When you want to convey about breaking up, it is always better for you to communicate the message by meeting your partner and talking to him face to face. You should not convey such vital information over the telephone or the email because your partner might have so many questions in his/her mind. Your partner might feel that you are deceiving him/her and would want you to furnish justifications. Many times, textual or verbal messages that are unaided by nonverbal cues can convey the wrong message. Usually phone calls lead to misunderstandings and further fights. That might actually lead to a bad break up.

4. Even though you have the intentions of breaking up, choose an appropriate moment. Do not convey the information when your partner is under some kind of stress or trouble or immediately after he/she has expressed his/her liking for you or has spent huge amounts of money in getting an expensive gift for you. You might have no feeling for your partner but you should always respect his/her feelings for you even though you intend to break up.

5. The place where you intend to convey the news also matters. Do not break the bad news at public places because your partner might not want the world to see his/her reactions when he/she is absorbing the news. But it depends upon the personality of your partner. If he/she is an emotionally strong person, you might as well convey it in a public place.

Whatever method you choose, it is always better for you to always put yourself in the place of your partner and see how best you can convey the information without hurting that person much.

By: Jason Callum

Jason Callum frequently provides information and advice on dating, relationships and social events. Current readers of his articles might be interested in sites where you can meet Lesbian Couples and Hot Sexy Women for dating.

Tips for Successful Gay Dating

2009-08-15T23:18:00.000-07:00

Finding the perfect date can be a daunting task, whether one is gay, bi-sexual or bi-curious. What to wear? Where to go? What to say? If you are about to embark on a first date, one thing is for sure: remember to be yourself and relax. Here are some dating tips that can help you make the date a real success. Be a little bit early! You’re sure to feel a bit nervous or shy, so arriving earlier than your date can give you a chance to go to the washroom without deserting your date. Compose yourself, fix your hair, wash those sweaty palms and relieve yourself if necessary.

Dress to impress. No, you don’t have to look like a Queer Eye for the Straight Guy make over. Just dress nicely and appropriately for the occasion and location. Not only will you look great but also feel very confident that you’re in the right attire. Where to meet? This is a very important question to ask. A place that is neutral and not too far from your place is better—just be sure to be familiar with the area. You would want to communicate and be heard effectively, so a quiet bar or someplace that’s not too noisy or rowdy is a good choice.

Concentrate! First dates, especially if you are the quiet or shy type, can be extremely tense and nerve-wrecking. Listen carefully to what the other person is saying-- this will enable you to know him better, know his interests and connect more easily. Ask creative and revealing questions in a courteous way, but also feel free to talk about yourself. Sharing the conversation is a good way to make your date feel relaxed, too. Leave the past alone. Avoid talking about past relationships and negative experiences. Every first date is a new beginning, so stick to the present and to the future.

Make him feel that it’s his time now and you have no leftover baggage. Be confident! It’s about knowing who you are, what you want and knowing that you’ll get it. Guys are always attracted to guys who exude confidence. Wear your “power underwear”. It doesn’t matter if you don’t end up in the sack or on the floor later on in the evening. Power underwear makes you feel incredibly powerful and sexy, flirty and confident—all the things you need on a date. Thongs in purple, red or black can give the shy guy that extra little edge, especially on a first date.

Stay safe! Although it has been proven time and time again that one night stands do not last the test of time, if that’s what you want then go for it! Play it safe, or you may want to concentrate further on the conversation and leave sex for a future time. Respect, and you shall be respected. Treat the other person with the same level of respect as you feel you deserve. If you are not interested, be honest! Be decent and let the other person know than taking him on a roller coaster ride of uncertainty. Let it be known, and you shall be free.

Don’t forget: Have confidence in yourself, your abilities, and everything will surely go well.

Author's Bio
The author of this article Ruth Purple is a Relationships Coach who has been successfully coaching and guiding clients for many years. Ruth recently decided to go public and share her knowledge and experience through her website RelaZine.com. You can sign up for her free newsletter and join her coaching program.
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Tips_for_Successful_Gay_Dating.html

Barriers to Relationship Intimacy: Avoid the Dirty Dozen

2009-08-14T23:36:00.000-07:00

The following twelve areas are pitfalls in any relationship, that if allowed to flourish will
cause that relationship to degrade and suffer. Therefore to keep your relationship healthy
and alive, avoid the dirty dozen.

#1. Insufficient shared information creates a relationship vacuum and promotes guessing,
projection, and suspicion.

Healthy relationship choices are the outcome of thorough relationship evaluations, which
are based on the receipt of thorough, accurate information. You must fully know the data
that you aim to process.

It is a psychological maxim that data and information “hook” a person’s logic, provides
structure, support healthier ego functioning, adaptation, and planning. Conversely, no data
isolates you and throws you into an intra-personal world full of hunches, suspicion, and
inner mental meandering.

The early experiments of people put in isolation or sensory deprivation chambers caused
them to regress, hallucinate, and grow psychotic. These extreme examples indicate that
true interpersonality and the facts attached to it, support reality testing.

What you share with your partner is a germane consideration as well. You best criterion
for what is asked and what is answered is that information should be relevant and helpful,
but never hurtful and damaging. As an experienced “relationship choice maker” you soon
learn to know what is necessary and essential and what is more than you or your partner
need to know.

#2. Incomplete pre-relationship work creates a flood of unfinished business.

Nothing complicates a new relationship more than the unfinished business of an individual.
As discussed elsewhere in this book, the three major elements that a person needs to
“finish” (in a work-in-progress sense) are:

* a sense of completeness;

* fulfillment of potential;

* ability to take care of oneself.

All of these features are your pre-relationship work. This means that these three areas
should be basically “taken care of” in large measure before entering a relationship.

The personal unhappiness that stems from relative incompletion of these three spheres will cause significant disturbance and will slowly poison an unfolding relationship.

A healthy relationship is not composed of two halves, but rather two wholes.

#3. Fear of closeness creates distance and isolation.

The fear of closeness and intimacy has reached epidemic proportions in relationships. Why would someone be so afraid of becoming close to another person? The answer would reveal that the sufferer must be believe that closeness and intimacy must be dangerous and threatening to their well-being. A possible origin of this fear might be that the person may have suffered a traumatic loss of a loved one or someone’s love. Alternatively, the person may have witnessed their parents fighting and quarreling so often that they have concluded and believe that closeness is dangerous. While it is understandable that such a conclusion is reached, it is also premature and prejudicial: all relationships are not dangerous.

Fear of closeness is a phobia-driven illness, and its “cure” lies in progressive attempts to
safely and methodically get closer to another person who is capable of doing the same. No relationship can survive in a healthy fashion when the fear of closeness exists in any measure.

Pursuing and attaining closeness with a loved one should proceed while facing the inevitable fact that you will ultimately lose them. It is the reality of impermanence that makes the pursuit and attainment of intimacy and closeness even more meaningful, worthwhile, and necessary.

#4. Resentment and begrudgement invites wounding and sniping.

Resentment is an angry feeling towards another who you judge has significantly mistreated you. Resentment can go from a pre-occupation into an obsession that last for a lifetime. Resentment can also grow into begrudgement, which is a focus of ill will that objects to the good fortune of another. At worst, it is a wish for the suffering of someone who has hurt you.

When people in a relationship harbor resentment for each other, their “emotional field” becomes a hot zone with ongoing risks of flare-ups, arguments, and enmity. Minor
problems become enlarged fights because the pre-existing resentments and begrudgements find a foothold and ignite into a firestorm of controversy.

Just like cigarettes, resentment and begrudgement are poisons. They should be prevented or extinguished as soon as possible. The best way of preventing these poisonous feelings is through the use of effective relationship skills. The best ways of extinguishing them is through a effective conflict resolution.

#5. Unwillingness to take behavioral ownership creates scapegoats and destroys a partnership.

In my recent work with a gay couple, one partner claimed to feel free to flirt with the
waiters in the cafe’s of South Beach, right in the presence of his” significant other”. When
that significant other spoke up and voiced his discomfort over the flirting, he was chided
as being narrow-minded, possessive, and insecure. The flirting partner took no
responsibility for his behavior. Where is the basis for a healthy trusting partnership?

#6. Too much historical baggage creates relationship cynicism and distorts the present
moment.

One of the worst caricatures of this barrier is the multiply divorced person who is lost in a
fog of chronic bitterness towards the opposite sex. They appear unable to “see” truly new
experiences. All they can offer are generalizations that prove to meager, clumsy, and
incorrect in navigating the world of relationships. If they can “see” their baggage and
“dump it”, they can lead freer lives.

#7. Mockery and devaluation of your partner kills love.

Couples want to be esteemed by each other. There is no excuse whatsoever for
diminishing your partner. Mockery and devaluation are inevitably symptoms of anger,
resentment, personal insecurity, fear, personal unhappiness, or pathological narcissism. If
you feel the urge to put your partner down, refrain from it, and try to find the source of
this impulse. This will generally involve some unfinished personal ore relationship
business. Giving in to the impulse to mock and devalue your partner will eventually cause
their love for you to wither away and die.

#8. Addictive behavior creates damage, mistrust, and pain in a relationship.

This topic has been discussed elsewhere [special conditions in relationships] yet it will help to repeat some basic facts.

* no relationship can ever attain health in the presence of active addiction;

* anyone who knowingly pairs up with an active addict is as sick and “crazy” as the
addict;

* addiction is incurable, but manageable when the addict is involved in some form of 12 -
Step program. At a minimum, this requires going to meetings, getting a sponsor, “working
the Steps”, and doing service. You should also be aware that psychotherapy alone as a
treatment for addiction is woefully inadequate.

#9. Hypersensitivity and emotional bingeing create a lack of control in a relationship.

Hypersensitivity can be defined a a “disorder” of feeling too quickly hurt, affected, and/or resentful in response to the events and discomforts of everyday life. Hypersensitive people are emotionally affected more easily and quickly than the vast majority of their peers. Hypersensitivity can arise from inherited constitution, depression, active drug and alcohol intoxication, and many other sources. Hypersensitive people have something “wrong” with them that they need to face, fix, and manage.

Emotional bingeing, in contrast, refers to manipulative behavior under conscious control which overplays emotions regarding a given situation. Emotional bingeing reveals that the overdramatizing or exaggeration of feelings about a situation or an event - such as an affront - is an attempt to “purchase” a secondary gain such as feeling like a wounded victim or martyr. People who emotionally binge need to control themselves and be more responsible, because the flooding and prolongation of excessive emotion in the couple eats away at the logic, intellect, and “science” that lays at the foundation of healthy
relationships.

#10. Poor needs negotiation creates conflict.

You recognize that all people are different and that even the most compatible couple will have individual needs that differ at times. Effective management of differing needs takes a problem-solving approach that uses compromise and negotiation as its tools. Partners in a relationship who compromise often feel a sense of pride in modifying a need “downward” when they know it will satisfy and stabilize their partner and the relationship itself. Mutual
giving flourishes in an atmosphere of cooperation.

When any of the above elements are absent, by conscious choice or by lack of awareness, the satisfaction of individual needs in a relationship becomes more conflicted: a relationship loses its health when it becomes a battleground.

#11. Reactivity creates run-away fighting and arguing.

A famous directive from Alcoholics Anonymous instructs you to “exercise restraint of tongue and pen”. In contrast, reactivity is a mindless, thoughtless reflex and involves the least evolved, most primitive parts of yourself and your animal origins. Restraint is equated with thoughtful, conscious self-control and indicates better ego functioning. Soccer match riots epitomize the reactivity that leads to run-away fighting and even murder. A group becomes a mob. Restraint of reactivity minimizes the likelihood of rioting in a relationship.

#12. Litigious behavior changes the relationship into a courtroom.

Litigious behavior stands alongside psychoanalyzing one’s partner as the newest form of “verbal violence” in a relationship. Specifically, litigious behavior is a deeply neurotic relationship dynamic in which one partner sets out to prove they are right and the other partner is wrong. The goal and method is inevitably one of competitive domination. Litigating in a relationship is different from mindless immature bickering. Litigating can
hook a couple into an addictive, competitive battle in which victories sought through the intellectual and strategic conquest lawyers often use in court.

Litigating is to be avoided at all costs. Not only does it damage the goodwill in a relationship; it also creates the illusion that there is only one right way. Do you want to
create a courtroom out of your relationship? Certainly not.

Jan S. Maizler, MSW, LCSW, ACSW, is a long-time contributor of articles on
self-improvement. He can be reached at WWW.RELATIONSHIPHANDBOOK.COM or
305-940-1564

Author's Bio
Mr. Maizler has been in the private pracice of individual, marital, and group psychotherapy since 1980. He has published over 100 articles and 7 books. He can be reached through www.relationshiphandbook.com. or 305-940-1564
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Maizler4.html

Early Signs a New Relationship Won't Last

2009-08-14T21:56:00.000-07:00

Choosing to invest in a new relationship directly affects your own level of personal happiness especially in the near-term ... and so it is extremely important to keep your eyes and ears open, and be aware of any potential incompatibilities as early as possible. There is absolutely no shame nor harm in cutting one's losses - because you are doing everyone a favor by ending it early if you know in your heart that things will ultimately not work out.

So what types of incompatibilities or behaviors should you as a single person be on the lookout for? The answer will be different for everyone - as each person has different tolerances and preferences. One good golden rule-of-thumb is - anything you notice right away that bugs you a little right now is guaranteed to bug the daylights out of you in the future ... so always keep that in the back of your head.

Here is a quick list of early relationship-stoppers that pop into my mind ...

1) Drama
I've found that overly dramatic women are usually really good in bed - especially early in the relationship. Later on, however, you may find that your life has no peace - due to her drama. [Same applies to men, if you are a woman reading this.] Early signs of drama might include yelling, or other extreme behavior.

2) Lack of consideration of others
No matter how hot your date is - if he or she treats other people poorly, then it is only a matter of time before you can expect the same treatment.

3) Destructive criticism
Someone who always hands out criticism of others will eventually get on your nerves - especially when YOU eventually become the object of their criticism.

4) Bad Hygiene
People typically put their best efforts into their appearance when a relationship is new - so if you notice any evidence of poor hygiene early on, then it's a safe bet that you haven't seen anything yet.

5) Appearance
Just as with hygiene - whatever bugs you right away will increasingly haunt you later. Could be the way they dress, their hair, tattoos, piercings, etc. Go with your gut feel on this kind of stuff.

6) Jealousy
A lot of people out in the world today are extremely jealous - and I personally find that quality terribly unattractive. If you notice any jealous behavior on your first date or two, then RUN (don't walk) in the opposite direction.

7) Obsessive Compulsive behavior
Unless you also have the exact same OCD, then anyone with obsessive compulsive tendencies will probably drive you crazy in record time.

8) Poor family interactions or relationships
The way your date treats their other family members will show you how they treat the people who they are closest to. If you don't meet the family right away, you can always ask about your date's family - and pay close attention to the response!

9) Bad table manners
Maybe I'm obsessive compulsive about table manners - but someone who talks and eats, or chews with their mouth open, or has food on their face, or anything even remotely out of place just drives me nuts in a hurry. Makes me wonder if the person was raised by wolves or something.

10) Lack of intelligence
I should probably call this "intellectual incompatibility" but what I'm referring to is when you notice that your date just says dumb stuff. The flip side to this is - if you think your date uses words that are too big. ha ha If it bugs you now, then just wait!

11) Drinks too heavily
I've dated really just one woman who turned out to be a fairly consistent alcoholic - and although she was great in bed, her drinking got worse over time, and it eventually made her very unattractive to me. It also led to a lot of unnecessary drama. If you think they over-indulge early in the relationship, chances are good that you haven't seen anything yet.

12) Smoking
No disrespect meant for the smokers out there, but I really cannot stand the smell of cigarette smoke - there is nothing more unattractive.

13) Major political or ideological differences
They say you should avoid discussing religion and politics - but either of those can be a source of extreme incompatibility in a relationship. I usually like to ask questions to figure out where a person stands (not make bold statements). And if I hear an answer that sounds like we have major differences in our way of thinking – then that's certainly a sign.

14) Religion
I’ve never had relationship problems based on religion – but I know of others who have ... and it usually was the result of one party being so absorbed in their particular faith that it caused them to insist on certain things. I'm talking about telling someone they would have to convert to their faith to marry them, etc. Or telling them they have to go to church with them. You get the idea – if one party has to insist upon it, there is a problem.

You might find yourself able to successfully tolerate ONE of the above incompatibilities - but if you notice two or more, then you might just be delaying the inevitable by not ending the relationship. You can always be friends ;o) Or you can simply drink more, and see where that takes you. ha ha

Author's Bio
You can read the original article, as published on midlifebachelor.com at the following URL:

http://www.midlifebachelor.com/articles/earlysignsarelationshipwontlast.html
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/early_signs_a_new_relationship_wont_last.html

From a Bird's Perspective

2009-08-13T18:21:00.000-07:00

Who’s not scared of love? I mean whether you are scared that it will or will not find you, that it will or will not last, that it can or cannot exist – in some theory we are each scared of love. Scared of getting our hearts broken – scared of taking a risk – scared of putting ourselves out there. Scared of not taking a chance, or taking too many. Scared of making a leap of faith, or not enough. Scared of losing ourselves, or of truly finding who we are.

Whether you check mark the box labeled single, married, separated, or divorced – each of us has our own desires in a relationship, or what we anticipate from one. Each has our own hesitations and expectations … each are scared as to what happens when our expectations fall short, and our hesitations come to surface … and more likely, scared of what happens when expectations can be met, and we can stop being afraid.

When do we stop being afraid?

I watch my grandparents, who have been married for 52 years; still expressing their love for one another and I admire what they have. I once asked my grandpa the secret to their marriage, and his answer gave me such hope in relationships. He told me that him and grandma never fought over anything, besides the children – no matter what they always respected each other, listened to each other, and supported each other. I see them interact with one another and value that foundation of respect, and love. As Grandpa will tell me, “Kiddo, you’re not getting any younger…” On the eve of another birthday, I find myself not so much afraid anymore of finding love, but more afraid it will not find me. So how do we become unafraid? What first surfaces in my thoughts are to face our fears and shed our layers to our walls we have built in the form of self-protection. If I have learned anything from myself it’s that walls serve a purpose, but eventually you must learn to let in the good and not just keep out the bad.

“If you’re a bird, I’m a bird.”

If you are a woman and have a pulse you know what movie that line is from; for some of you of the male persuasion you may need to know that is from “the Notebook” – ah, you have heard of it …. .

Ladies, how many times have each of us seen “the Notebook” – eleven, twelve? Yet it happens to be on as you walk through the living room and you cannot help but sit down, grab a Kleenex and have a good cry. Doesn’t matter what you were doing at the time - dinner is burning, the toilet has a “diving” GI Joe in it, the door bell is ringing - we are mesmerized by this fictitious movie – it captures our mind, our hearts, and our thoughts. And it stays on our mind, the depth of their love … long after the ending credits stop rolling.
Why do we allow invented moments such as those shown on the silver screen – dominate our thoughts? Suckers for movie moments I suppose – but when was the last time someone gazed into your eyes and said something that made music begin to play in the background, while the stars did a twinkle dance (not to be confused with “tinkle” dance), and all at once your heart skipped a beat and you lost your breath ….

Yet still I am a hopeless romantic, waiting for a movie moment. And I would not change that quality about me in exchange for any other more “riskless” traits. The Dalai Lami said, “Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk…” I hear stories of what seems to be plaguing my friends at the moment; relationships just started off, relationships ending – some on hold, some hoping to take shape. I ask them why I am the go to Dear Abbey and I am told, “Because your heart is that of a true optimist. Rational, non-judgmental, understanding, and you always encourage a start and a finish, and cherish the in-between.”

So here is my advice to them, and my advice to you: Take a chance

Remember when we were in middle school and our biggest relationship moment was when a note was passed (or we did the passing) with the key question – “do you like me?” Followed by drawn squares of Yes and No … I would draw in my own little tiny box labeled, “maybe”, check it, and pass it back. Looking back, that maybe was my vague way of playing hard to get. I have no doubt that whether you were the passing party or the receiver, you were scared.

But the difference between then and now, besides our ages, maturity levels, and actual “events” of true love, heart break, and everything in between … is that back then we actually took chances. Sure, sometimes the note came back with a check mark by “No” with a “Way” written in behind it, but it did not stop us for trying … again, and again we would send and receive. We may have not known the meaning of love, but we could have taught our adult selves an invaluable lesson: pain is temporary – failure will last forever – not taking a risk can lead to worry of the unknown, and taking a risk could lead to a playground romance that just might turn into a walk home, and a nervous kiss on the cheek goodnight … but you will never know how that walk will turn out if you don’t initially take the first step ….

As fate would have it, as I began writing this piece, my daily affirmation arrived, from Tut.com and seemed to fit flawlessly:
Yesterday I watched a small bird, flying very fast, disappear into the canopy of an oak tree. So dense were its leaves that it was impossible to see what happened next, though I can tell you it remained inside.

I wondered how the little bird found its opening through the leaves at such a speed, and then managed to gently align its fragile body on the branch it chose to land upon, all within a fraction of a second. Not to mention the impossible to imagine flying maneuvers required: the banking, the curling, the vertical and horizontal stabilizations, the deceleration and landing.

Memory? Calculation? Not in that tiny brain. Instinct? Maybe, but how does instinct know which way the branches of a tree have grown when no two are the same?

Chrissy, that little bird just knew. It had faith, in spite of not being able to see how things would work out, that if (and only if) it stayed the course the details would be taken care of; that an opening would appear and a twig would be found.

In fact, had she slowed down enough to carefully and logically inspect the tree first, the prudent thing to do, she would have lost her lift and fallen to the ground.

Kind of like reaching for your dreams. Neither memory, nor calculating, nor instincts are the deciding factors, but faith coupled with action.

Stop doubting, stop questioning, stop analyzing – your break ups, your marriage, your new relationship, older one, or lack of one. You have a choice to let that someone in, or push them away. To build upon, or tear it down. To embrace change, or shy away. Having the understanding to your fears, and the appreciation to face them gives you an opportunity to cleanse your soul, improve yourself, and in turn improve the relationships around you. Being afraid … in whatever relationship capacity … can bring nothing refreshing to your life…

... but taking a "walk" … asking to be bird … and soaring without fear can give new perspective, new depth, and a new view to life ….

Author's Bio
Chrissy L. Kohler is the author and creator of Plan B, Life's Discussion, an independent website designed to encourage personal growth, and fulfillment in life.
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/from_a_birds_perspective.html

Space In Togetherness

2009-08-12T11:24:00.000-07:00

As relationships evolve, lives gradually become entwined. We tend to have a great deal in common with the people who attract us, and our regard for them compels us to trust their judgment. While our lives may seem to run together so smoothly that the line dividing them cannot be seen, we remain separate beings. To disregard these barriers is to sacrifice independence. It is our respect for the fact that our lives exist independently of the lives of others that allows us to set emotional and physical boundaries, to explore our interests and capabilities even when people close to us do not understand our partialities, and to agree to disagree. Maintaining healthy barriers is a matter of recognizing the point at which our principles and those of our loved ones and peers no longer overlap.

Human beings must relentlessly fight the temptation to follow the crowd. Naturally, we want to be liked, accepted, and admired, and it often seems that the easiest way to win approval is to ally ourselves with others. When we assume that our standards are the same as those of the people close to us without first examining our own intentions, we do ourselves a disservice. The barriers that exist between us are a reminder that our paths in life will be unique, and we must each accept that "I" and "we" can coexist peacefully. Our reactions, our likes and dislikes, our loves, our goals, and our dreams may or may not align with those of others, but we should neither ask others to embrace what we hold dear nor feel compelled to embrace what they hold dear.

As you learn to define yourself as an emotionally and intellectually distinct individual, you will grow to appreciate your autonomy. However much you enjoy the associations that bind you to others and provide you with a sense of identity, your concept of self will ultimately originate in your own soul. The healthy barriers that tell you where you end and the people around you begin will give you the freedom to pursue your development apart from those whose approval you might otherwise be tempted to seek out. Others will continue to play a role in your existence, but their values will not direct its course, and the relationships you share will remain marvelously balanced and harmonious as a result.

Cleansing Your Power Center

2009-08-12T08:27:00.000-07:00

Gut feelings earn their name from the place in the body where they make themselves known. A pang in your gut when you may be doing the wrong thing, or a vibrant zing when your body approves, can guide you reliably at times when logic fails. Sometimes, when logic prevails, we ignore our gut and live to regret it, understanding later that a rational approach is only one way of determining what is going on in a situation and how we should react.

Our gut resides in the neighborhood of our solar plexus and the third chakra just above your belly button. When it is functioning well, we can trust its guidance and adjust our actions accordingly. Many of us have a tendency to hold in this area of our bodies. We may take shallow breaths that never reach this vital nexus that is the source of our empowerment. It is in this place that we find the courage to act, to reach out into the world and create change. When our power center is out of balance, we are timid and out of sync, wishing we had said something we were only able to phrase later when we were alone; wishing we had acted on an opportunity we didn’t see until it was past.

In order to utilize your power center, you may want to focus your attention on it more regularly and make time to care for it. You can begin right now by taking a deep breath into your belly. On the exhale, pull your navel in toward your spine so as to empty out completely before taking another deep breath into your belly. When you empty completely, you release stagnant energy and create more space to be filled with fresh, nourishing breath. The more you practice this simple, cleansing exercise, the more clear and communicative your gut feelings will be and the more comfortable you will feel acting on them.
Source:

http://www.dailyom.com/articles/2009/19501.html

Sexual Deviancy and the Skewed Soul

2009-08-11T18:46:00.000-07:00

In the homes of the abused children of the past we have an underground present today of the S&M and Domination and Submission scenes. A parent is a role model for a child at an early age as loving authority. If this relationship is tainted with over discipline at an early age then the bonding is broken at the soul level and an immaturity in the relationship arena of openness and balance of power may be missing.

An average office worker who is quiet and polite by day and brings out the individuals fetish bondage gear by night to play out power role playing in sexuality replace nurturing intimacy with that decision during the sex act. If they rear children then that energy is the hidden sexual model that the young ones grow up with their DNA replicating to. Often the pierced and alternatively dressed and dyed or gothic styled individuals are more conservative in the bedroom because the subtle rebellion against traditional society is present in the personal styling of the individual instead of hiding it in the closet. Another paper I have written; Sexual Orientation and Soul Motivation has some clues as to how the fetish scene may have been created. It is prevalent in the hetero and gay community and a female soul incarnated in a body of a male for example or a male incarnate in a female body are hidden from most of society as a blatant truth unless accentuated by revealing feminine traits or masculine traits in attitude or dress. Take this a little further and it is not difficult to see the exaggerated version of this in the fetish scene. For the hetero participants the power dynamics are there with some humor and dress up for all orientation grown ups. Many ways to create sexuality as a fashion show that allow intimate bonding to a soul displaying outwardly instead of the garment behind the eyes inviting inward reflection and contact.

What occurs is that in extreme cases where an individual equates the fear chemical with sexual gratification (some present in the D and S activities as laced with the orgasmic experience creating a genetic equation desiring to feed off anxiety in order to allow the achievement) with either a denial of orgasm replaced with pain from consensual assault as the hidden, prideful being that is valued for being able to participate in extreme submission in order to sexually gratify another party engaging the individual thus agreeing to a slave bond relationship of consented abuse that the other cannot be charged for. Quite the trophy partner of consented abuse that is untouchable by the law unless they get caught.

What is obvious in these scenarios is two things: somewhere in the individuals lives there was likely a time where bonding with an authority figure of influence did not take place in a healthy manner. In that first scenario there is now a clever deal made with a person exercising power over the other who controls who will abuse the individual with consent. Another is likely in all D&S and S&M themes individuals who have not had a healthy bonding experience with a loving parent, friend relative or partner of a deep nature have not had the opportunity to then learn how to bond deeply with the entity’s own higher consciousness or God self on an un conflicted soul level.

Some have come from broken homes that have chosen spiritual, non religious study or moved from one to the other without getting involved in the above, underground movements.

For the traditional, societal model it may be difficult for the baby boom generation especially to understand the generation after them (with the exception of those older participants keeping alive the memory of the Marqis de Sade) to understand the mind of the present generation and or be in denial about where the mind spawned from. Answers area never given to the demanding individual from others who requires examining the soul for why the playground of learning became treacherous or skewed. Reflection away from the behavior is necessary in order to sit upon a different chair without the bondage gear tying the individual to a repetitive past.

Author's Bio
I am Aryana B. Hudson founder of Blue Matrix Energetics™; a powerful, system of Quantum Mind Tech™ and energetic healing I spent many years practicing healing and teaching advanced energetic techniques to practitioners. For three years, I held the positions of Director and President of the Canadian Reiki Association was profiled in the Globe and Mail as leader in complementary, energetic therapies industry, and later developed Blue Matrix Energetics.™ I am also a published author of Drums of the Winged Carrier 2020, screenwriter Artist, and have over ten years of experience in the corporate, business world in sales, marketing and management.

Over the past fourteen years I have continued to upgrade my science-based knowledge and experience of the brain, our biological healing potentials, genetics, the human energy field and the variety of frequency realms that we inhabit as multi-dimensional beings from my observations as a healing professional. This diverse background allows me to provide you with comprehensive, powerful, healing sessions and training that are free of new age dogma but allow everyone to connect to the ultimate healer; you as a Divine Creator. When I teach and do healing work it is not my personality but I as Creator that facilitates the work I do in Blue Matrix. It is my dream to see all people awaken to their highest creative potential and together achieve a sublime future.
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Sexual_Deviancy_and_the_Skewed_Soul.html

Do You Make or Break Your Romantic Relationships?

2009-08-10T23:31:00.000-07:00

"Man's greatest motivating force is his desire to please woman" so writes Napoleon Hill in his iconic book, THINK & GROW RICH.

According to Hill, men who accumulate large fortunes, gain power and fame do so to satisfy their desire to please women. If this is so, you have to consider: If a guy's great desire is to please you, you have the power to make or break him.

Are you making or breaking him in your romantic relationship?

It may (or may not) surprise you that men, despite all their toughness on the outside, are very sensitive inside. Men don't want to loose. They don't want to fail. Men want to be heroes. (Especially in your eyes.)
So you can make or break a man just by being who you are.

1. Do You Take the Credit?

Yes, it was your original idea...but somehow he's made it his own.

Do you insist on taking the credit? Every time? If you do, that's fine. But realize when you take the credit, he doesn't feel like he's pleasing you.

He doesn't feel like you need him.
And if a man doesn't feel like he's your hero, you BREAK him and your love story. You MAKE a man if you let him take the credit sometimes...even when you know you thought of it. (This is the way of an incredible ingenue!)

2. Are You Responsive?

Do you follow his lead? Listen to his plans? Entertain his ideas?

He can surprise you with good ideas. (Patience required.) A heroic man likes to do it his way...and please you at the same time.

If he wants your advice, he will ask for it. If he doesn't, he won't.

If what he offers won't kill you or doesn't go against your morals or ethics, will you go along? Even when you think your plan is better...can you do it his way?

When you are responsive to a man, you MAKE him. When you're not, you BREAK him.

3. Can You Influence Him?

Men don't often admit they are easily influenced by women because they want to be seen as the strong "Hero".

An intelligent "Ingenue" knows this. An incredible ingenue knows exactly how to be a better woman while working easier as her man becomes a better man.

If you can influence your man (without directing him to do it your way) you MAKE him.

If you can't influence him to the point where he feels great about his ideas and what he can produce in the world, you BREAK him.

If you want to learn what you can do to Make your Romantic Relationship be the best it can be, order "The Role of a Lifetime" Home Study Course today!

Define your role, set the stage and speak your part so you can STAR in your own Love Story!
http://www.hollywoodsdatingdirector.com/How-to-Star-in-Your-Own-Love-Sto...

Author's Bio
Cherry Norris is a renowned celebrity dating coach, workshop director and popular speaker. Based in Los Angeles, California, Cherry's passion is helping people build healthy, intimate romantic relationships. Under her direction, you will learn the skills and techniques for dating that will have you starring in the role of a lifetime! For FREE Dating Directions newsletter and event calendar, GO HERE: Dating Directions Newsletter and scroll down.
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/do_you_make_or_break_your_romantic_relationships.html

Safe,natural and proven ways to increase your testosterone

2009-08-09T20:44:00.000-07:00

Testosterone is the most important and well-known androgen.This anabolic steroid hormone which promotes protein synthesis and has various androgenic and anabolic effects on men should remain in a steady,efficient supply as we mature.

This is more critical for those who are involved in weight training/muscle building/bodybuilding.

Let's see how we can increase testosterone production with all natural methods:

1.Heavy weight training

*Choose compound exercises involving large muscle groups and more than one joints:squats(the best for increased testosterone secretion),deadlifts,standing military presses,chest presses blah,blah,blah....
*regulate the weights so as to have taxing sets of 5-6 repetitions
*try to minimize the breaks between sets
*avoid overtraining because catabolic cortisol is out there lurking in the dark.
Three 30' intense sessions per week will do the job perfectly.

2. Consumption of healthy fats

The best choices are:

*monaunsaturated fats from:extra virgin olive oil(luckily we have a lot in Greece),raw seeds and nuts,avocados etc

*omega-3 fatty acids preferably of animal origin: wild salmon,sardines,omega-3 eggs,walnut varieties,ground flax seeds etc.

3. Body composition improvement(reduction of body fat percentage)

Adipose tissue contains the enzyme aromatase which has the very bad habit of converting our valuable androgens to estrogens and thus making us a little more feminine.

Try to lose fat with a combination of sound nutrition,HIIT and weight training.

Avoid to take aromatase inhibitors and this for a thousand reasons.

4. Zinc

This valuable micromineral is-among other good things- a natural inhibitor of aromatase.You can find manly zinc in oysters,beef liver and meat ,sesame and pumpkin seeds,spinach,mushrooms etc.

5. Cruciferous vegetables:brocolli,cauliflowers,brussel sprouts,cabbages etc.

Cruciferous vegetables are mostly appreciated for their renowned phytochemical- with anticancer- properties sulforapfane.Sulforaphane is aided by indole-3- carbinol,another powerful phytochemical.
Indole-3- carbinol can help men get rid of their excess estrogens.Additionally it prevents the conversion of androgens to estrogens.

Some more factors that encourage the increase of testosterone:

*adequate sleep
*adequate dietary fiber intake
*a rich sexual life

And some factors that can inhibit testosterone production:

*smoking due to nicotine
* alcohol (inhibits estrogens breakdown in the liver)
*stress(cortisol will suppress testosterone production)
*soya products(estrogens inducing)
*xenoestrogens intake (foods with pesticides,plastic bottles and containers etc.)

Chris Strogilis

About the Author:

Civil engineer with postgraduate studies in MBA and Marketing.
christos@macon.gr
http://maconwaterproofing.blogspot.com/
http://totalfitness-christos.blogspot.com

Article Source: ArticlesBase.com - Safe,natural and proven ways to increase your testosterone

Sexual Desire in Long-term Relationships: A Mind-Expanding 3-Question Quiz about Sex

2009-08-09T15:36:00.000-07:00

We hear it all the time, how sex in marriage or long-term relationships fades or dies out altogether. One or both partners lose their sexual desire. Passion is a forgotten memory. Making love becomes an obligation or an afterthought.

But does it have to be that way? Take this quiz and see if you still agree that good sex is best left to the young honeymooners!

1. Is it true that your sex life is basically over once you have kids? (Or are in your forties, or fifties, or some other age?)

Answer: Wrong! In fact, once the initial hot flush of passion is gone, that’s the time to get busy really getting to know one another as erotic partners. Making love is always easy at the beginning of the relationship; you have all kinds of “love chemicals” percolating around that get you excited just thinking about each other. Once the chemical bonding has tied you together, you should be able to build the trust that is required for deeper sexual exploration. As long as you keep an open mind and communicate your sexual wants and needs to each other, you should be able to enjoy a great sexual relationship over the years.

2. Once the early infatuation has worn off, isn’t sex just an obligation?

Answer: Wrong! In fact, once the initial hot flush of passion is gone, that’s the time to get busy really getting to know one another as erotic partners. Making love is always easy at the beginning of the relationship; you have all kinds of “love chemicals” percolating around that get you excited just thinking about each other. Once the chemical bonding has tied you together, you should be able to build the trust that is required for deeper sexual exploration. As long as you keep an open mind and communicate your sexual wants and needs to each other, you should be able to enjoy a great sexual relationship over the years.

3. Don’t you need to be young and in great shape to keep your partner interested?

Answer: False! If you have a loving relationship, then unless your partner is morbidly obese, you will continue to enjoy sex with him or her. (And of course, there are those who are attracted to very overweight partners.) The key words are “loving relationship.” By respecting and listening to your partner, instead of criticizing or stonewalling, you will keep creating strong feelings of love and even passion. Those feelings become expressed in the bedroom when you make love. If your partner reciprocates and acts in an equally loving way, you aren’t going to care much about crow’s feet and a bit of a potbelly. Remember, though, that part of being a loving partner is loving yourself, so of course you want to do what you can to stay vital and attractive over your lifetime.

It is possible to keep passion and desire alive in long-term relationships. Be sure to nurture loving feelings, communicate about your sexual wants and needs as they change, and put time and energy into your sex life if you want to stay together and be lovers as long as possible.

Author's Bio
Psychologist and sex therapist Dr. Stephanie Buehler is internationally known for her expertise in relationships, sexuality, and intimacy. Dr. Buehler is Director of The Buehler Institute in Southern California. Download a free copy of her e-book and receive the “Passion Pages” as a biweekly bonus at http://www.yourpassionexpert.com.
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Sexual_Desire_in_Long_Term_Relationships.html

Smokers Are More Prone to Sexual Dysfunction

2009-08-08T17:57:00.000-07:00

Beware Smokers, if you chose smoking then you have to sacrifice your sex life. According to the latest conducted research, smokers are more prone to sexual dysfunction. Sexual dysfunction was previously linked to many diseases like diabetes, blood pressure, heart disorders, but now the latest news is that maximum number of smokers suffers with the sexual dysfunction. In other words you can say sexual dysfunction is related to smoking or smoking leads to the sexual dysfunction. It has been noted that sexual life of the smokers is usually deserted. Even women don’t like to have sex with the smokers as they lose the erection in between the sexual activity. Women also don’t like the smell coming through the mouth of smokers and usually avoid to be intimate with such men.

Sexual dysfunction is the inability in the men to attain the erection or sustain the erection for the sufficient amount of time during the love making sessions. Sexual dysfunction is the condition that makes you lose the erection in between the sexual activity, when you require the erection most. According to the latest research 65% smoking men in the world are suffering with sexual dysfunction. No other disease or abnormal condition is so closely linked to the diabetes. The research scientists have even claimed that smoking in 90% of the cases leads abnormal sexual conditions in man. Smoking is also found to reduce the sperm count in the men and thus making them impotent. Smoking leads to the unsatisfactory sexual life between the couples and finally leads to the divorce. Smoking is considered to be one of the major factors that lead to the sexual dysfunction.

The main cause of the sexual dysfunction is the lack of blood supply to the male reproductive organ during the sexual activity. Smoking is one of the major causes of asthma that reduces your stamina in general and as well as during the sexual encounter. You may notice that you are tired in between the sexual activity or even at the starting of the sexual activity because of the asthma. Because of asthma less amount of blood is supplied to the male reproductive organ during the sexual activity and you lose the erection before you start the penetrative sex. Asthma damages the veins that supply the blood to the male reproductive organ. This in turn results into less amount of blood supply to the male reproductive organ during the sexual encounter and finally causes the sexual dysfunction in the men. Asthma reduces the air flow in your body and makes you uncomfortable during the sexual encounter.

Another important side effect of smoking is atherosclerosis, in which the plaque is deposited in the arteries that supply blood to the heart and to the different parts of the body. Due to the atherosclerosis less amount of blood is supplied to the male reproductive organ and thus the man who smokes a lot suffers from the sexual dysfunction. Smoking in some individuals even leads to weight gain which can further lead to the obesity. Sexual dysfunction is observed in majority of obese men. Smoking leads to the blood circulation problems in some men and thus reduces the blood supply to the male reproductive organ during sexual activity. Thus, these men suffer from the sexual dysfunction. A study was conducted in which 500 men who were smoking 5 or more cigarettes in a day were put for the questionnaire regarding their sexual life. The study reveled that 65% men were having a disturbed sex life due to the sexual dysfunction.

The men who were smoking a lot were asked to reduce the number of cigarettes in a day. Then again they were asked the questions regarding there sex life and the results were quite surprising as these men were able to enjoy the good erection during the love making sessions. Thus, this study cleared the fact that smoking was the reason of sexual dysfunction in these men. Hence, avoid smoking if you want to remain away from sexual dysfunction. But, I am sure that once you give up the habit of smoking completely then you will be able to enjoy your sex life more.

About the Author:

Hi I am Steve Marshal Caldwell. I work as an associate editor. I am committed to provide visitors with complete information on Men's Health Drugs and Sexual Health Medicines, and issues related to sex.

Article Source: ArticlesBase.com - Smokers Are More Prone to Sexual Dysfunction

Dissolve Emotional Pain - Make it a Gift

2009-08-08T12:54:00.000-07:00

How many of you have trouble forgetting emotional pain? Perhaps you were upset with another or even, with yourself, for events that occurred in your life that were tragic. It is often hard to release the destructive emotions caused by others. There is a way to achieve freedom and change your reality, making your life much happier. You can do so by dissolving the pain. Nevertheless, how is this possible, you may ask?

Dissolve the perceived war. Over time, anger and distress you may feel towards others, regarding their involvement or lack of care can grow to such a degree that you may unconsciously feel as if you are at war. Realize that until you learn to release your hold on the war, it can affect you dramatically. You will continue to feel pain, which may result in any number of destructive outcomes. These may include depression, weight issues, illness, money or power problems, sexual performance, or relationship troubles.

Recognize that you have a choice. Either you can stay focused on your pain or you can choose to release it. Once you decide you want to feel better, it is not always easy to release the hurtful emotions that someone else may have caused. However, some steps may make it easier.

Hardships can bring beneficial results. Before you can feel relief and alter future events, it is necessary to understand that certain hardships in your life may have been beneficial. Could it be possible that even though someone may have wronged you, the situation may have resulted in your spiritual growth? Even if you cannot appreciate this concept, there is still a way to help dissolve any emotional pain.

Make your hardship a gift. Instead of remaining angry, see the adverse situation as a gift. A gift, you might ask? A true gift is one where a person does not expect anything in return. Therefore, by having a perceived war with another, are you not expecting that person to make up for your pain? However, if you perceive the trauma as a gift, you will not expect anything in return. You will simply release it.

Furthermore, you will be validating that your hardship did indeed bring beneficial results. After all, the loving act of giving is a constructive trait that not only lifts another's spirit, but also will end up lifting yours as well, since you will be releasing destructive emotions.

Copyright Statement:
This article was written by Cindy L. Herb and may be reproduced on any related website provided the text is not changed in any form and this copyright statement is displayed unedited in its entirety at the foot of the article and you use the exact same HTML code to ensure a clickable link back to the author's site. Further articles are also available. Contact the author for more information. Copyright 2009 Cindy L. Herb, http://www.cherbchronicles.com. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

Author's Bio
Cindy L. Herb, author of Awakening the Spirit: The Open Wide Like a Floozy Chronicles, specializes in Mind, Body, and Spirit healing, and Physical/Sexual Abuse Recovery. As an inspirational speaker, Cindy L. Herb offers others an alternative approach to healing from any trauma, allowing people to view life's tribulations as an opportunity for spiritual growth. http://www.cherbchronicles.com. To download your FREE report, Some Helpful Steps to Healing, please visit the author's website.
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/dissolve_emotional_pain_make_it_a_gift.html

Yoga Pose of the Month: Upavistha Konasana

2009-08-05T12:19:00.000-07:00

Enjoy My Yoga Online’s feature yoga pose of the month,

Upavista Konasana

(Wide Angled Seated Forward Bend) presented by Dr. Robin Armstong.

This classic wide forward bend offers great benefits:
*Stretches Adductor muscles of the groin
*Stretches Hamstring muscles
*Strengthens the supportive musculature of the spine
*Encourages activation of the core
*Traditionally thought to increase blood flow to the pelvis, keeping it healthy
Contraindications/ Cautions
*Low Back Pain: Sit up on a block or blanket, high enough that you can maintain the natural curve of your low back. When you are folding forward, use your hands for support on the floor. If you cannot safely enter and exit the pose without pain, it is not appropriate for you.
*Sacroiliac Joint Pain: If you have been diagnosed with Sacroiliac Joint pain, avoid wide legged poses until the pain subsides. Return with caution, using your core to support you.
*Pregnancy: The hormone Relaxin causes the bones of the pelvis to be more mobile that usual. Take your legs slightly less than 90 degrees, and gently lift and support the pelvic floor muscles (a Kiegel) to prevent unnecessary shearing in the pubic symphis. Do not allow your stomach to be compressed against the floor.
Learn how to effectively and safely perform

Upavistha Konasana

.
Source:

http://www.myyogaonline.com/blog/2009/07/22/yoga-pose-of-the-month-upavistha-konasana/

Old Sexual Health Problem Making A Forceful Comeback

2009-08-05T11:09:00.000-07:00

For many years, most people have considered syphilis to be a rare, limited problem. First coming into notice during the heyday of the bohemians of the 19th century, it was known to manifest only in the rarest of circumstances. In fact, to the average person, syphilis was hardly enough of a concern to be considered a major sexual health problem. Even the disease's most famous victim, Al Capone, was better known for his criminal empire than for having the disease. Artists from the heyday of the bohemian movement, like Charles Baudelaire and Paul Gauguin, were suspected of having died from the illness, but there was never any confirmation of such. However, if reports from Europe are any sort of indication, then this might not be the case for very long.

The latest sexual health statistics show that the number of cases of people having syphilis are on the rise across Europe. What was once among the rarest diseases, sexually-transmitted or otherwise, may become a more common public health concern, according to some members of the European Center for Disease Prevention and Control. In yet another break from the traditionally-held tendencies of syphilis cases, the disease is starting to appear in more women and heterosexual men, as opposed to previous instances where the cases were largely confined to homosexual men, with only the occasional straight man found in the mix. The disease, with was once seen as the sexual health equivalent of the Black Plague, was largely removed from the public eye by the widespread use of penicillin.

There has been an unexpected return of cases of the illness in Europe, however, and not in the cities that one would expect. British cities seemed to experience a resurgence of the problem, with an almost tenfold increase in cases for both men and women in London alone. Other cities, such as Amsterdam, Berlin, and Paris also experienced similar events, though most had them on a smaller scale. There are also some experts that believe the trend is starting to make an appearance in the US, with the Center for Disease Control effectively scrapping the plan to eliminate the disease entirely due to the 9,800 reported cases in 2006 alone. European doctors were even reported to have been so off-guard about the problem that most didn't even realize they were looking at cases of syphilis.

Some believe that HIV and AIDS, as well as the treatments for the above, are partially to blame. The introduction of effective treatments that delay the inevitable effects of HIV may have resulted in the public becoming more lenient with regards to protection from sexually transmitted disease. For the time being, most of the cases seem concentrated on gay men who sought other gay men, with statistics showing that most of them were HIV positive. Whether or not this was related to the emergence of websites where HIV-positive men could seek other HIV-positive men for sex is still uncertain, though preliminary analysis of the pertinent data seems to suggest just that.

Harvey Ong is a part-time writer and part-time creative, currently employed by an online media and advertising company. He is interested in philosophy, history,psychology,criminology, toxicology, pharmacy, and sociology. He is also an avid collector of porcelain figurines.

The Truth About Lying

2009-08-05T00:18:00.000-07:00

For those of you who have become familiar with my written or spoken words, you’ll often notice me signing off with the phrase “From My Heart To Yours”. This is something I adopted a few years ago, when I came to realization that what comes from the heart, goes to the heart – and that is how I intend my communications to be; from heart to heart. On the surface this may all sound easy and good, or even a little “wishy-washy”, but recently I became acutely aware of just how important this heart connection truly is.

I have a very dear friend who is always getting himself into hot water with “little white lies”. Most of the untruths are just that, small lies, misleadings and omissions of truth. But it’s the constant succession of these, which has over time eroded his credibility, cost him his closest relationships and most pointedly, made it impossible for him to believe anyone else.

My friend, who I’ll call “Marvin” is on the surface, an honest sort of guy. He doesn’t cheat on his income tax, lie to customs officers about out of country purchases, or engage in any shady business practices. So what’s up with the lying?

After the recent dissolution of his latest relationship; with a woman whom he deeply cared for, I sat down with Marvin to see if we could figure out what was going on. He fidgeted and whined and justified every single one of his "stories” claiming to be wronged and misunderstood. When we examined one incident in particular, a relatively small deception, I found myself saying, “…. but if you had only spoken from the heart!”. And there it was, in the bold clear light of day; the root of all the dishonesty and the simple path to change.

When someone speaks to you from the heart, you can feel it in their every word. Their thoughts are clear and focused, their voice is grounded, and there are none of those odd little ticks or tells that we all get when we are lying. A voice from the heart moves us and inspires us, no matter what is being said. It drops deep into our soul, and leaves us with a sense of peace and ease.

Speaking from the heart may sound easy, but most of us have had our hearts broken once or twice. This makes the proposition of opening them up to send and receive, a dark and scary one. Somewhere in the back of our brains, we are all still wired for “fight or flight” and “survival of the fittest”. With very few real physical dangers in our society, survival has become of a social nature as opposed to an animal one. Being unloved, unwanted or unaccepted is tantamount to death. It’s the death of our spirit, a threat to our soul – or at least it feels like it is. So when that safety is threatened, we will do whatever is needed to protect it, and for most of us a little white lie seems a small price to pay for the terrific reward of the approval or a friend, or the affections of the one we love.

But if what comes from the heart, goes to the heart, then what comes from a place of fear and insecurity, goes straight to the same place in our friends, our families, our co-workers and our partners. We’ve all experienced that sensation when the words were all right, but the feeling was just wrong. Someone has said something to you that should have left you feeling comforted and soothed, and instead you were left feeling doubtful and worried.

When we speak from our hearts, we never have to “remember what we said”; our words will ring as true for us tomorrow as they did today. So what stops us? For most of us it’s the vulnerability, and subsequent courage, required in doing so. Speaking our truth may be reciprocated or even unpopular. We run the risk of that all feared rejection. If it’s only a “story” that is rejected or laughed at, our egos may be bruised, but our hearts remain safe – undamaged and protected….. or at least so we think. Huddled alone in the dark, never truly known, loved or accepted for who you really are, somehow never ends up feeling safe. And so next time we tell a bigger lie to make sure that they’ll love us even more, and so the cycle perpetuates.

Our deepest most profound connections in life are with those we can just be ourselves with. Every once in a while, there is a rare crazy person who loves us for who we are - someone who has seen the good and the bad, knows our deep, dark secrets, and loves us anyway. Oddly, that person is seldom ourselves.

My challenge to you this week, and to my dear friend Marvin, is to find some more love for yourself. Catch yourself when you go to utter a little white lie – even in your own head. Tell the truth to yourself about who you are, what you like, where you’ve been and what you’ve done – and love yourself anyway, then watch your world change.

Our thoughts and our words are food for our souls, and we need to stop feeding them junk! A connection of hearts fulfills us, sustains us and lights up our world. It nourishes that deep place inside that’s longing for love and acceptance. This week, this month or this year, see if you can let go of the need to be right, and embrace the desire to be loved. As I challenge my own white lies, I’ll be thinking of each one of you, who has bravely let me into your heart, if only for a moment. So with an open heart I say thank you, and offer you these words to you…..

From My Heart To Yours, Hunter

Author's Bio
Hunter Phoenix is a Life Coach and Personal Image Consultant specializing in Spirit Centered Coaching, Career Development and Personal Life Balance.
For more information about individual sessions please go to www.OnCallCoaching.com
On Call Coaching - Coaching You To A Better Life!
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/The_Truth_About_Lying.html

Coming Out? It's About Time!

2009-08-04T10:49:00.000-07:00

Coming out to family and friends is one of the most major struggles that gays, lesbians and transgendered individuals have to deal with. A lot of factors actually motivate their decision to come out or simply “hide in the closet”. Some come out the moment they realize and accept who and what they really are; these individuals usually come from a socially accepting family who will surely support and respect their sexual orientation.But, there are others who are not as lucky-- they come from a family that is not as accepting, causing them to hide their true sexuality even when they don’t have to.

One never knows for sure what the reactions of other people will be, which makes coming out very difficult—be it to friends, colleagues and loved ones. Others may find it easier to accept such news; some will surely feel betrayed because they thought all along that you were straight. At any rate, coming out to people that one cares about is always hard; there is always the fear that friends and loved ones will suddenly turn their backs or disown you. When one makes the decision to finally come out, it is but normal to have nerve-wracking emotions. However, this can be avoided somewhat with a little preparation, which can make the coming out a success.

It is very important to plan ahead before blurting out that you’re gay (or lesbian/transgender). Yes, you’re very sure that your family loves you—it’s just that you’re not a 100% sure of what their reactions will be after you made the big announcement. Being prepared in advance of what you are going to say can give you more confidence, and will show family and friends through your words that this is what you need to be happy. By showing them that this is not just a whim, they will be inclined to be careful before saying something they might regret in the future.

What you are going to tell them is important—HOW you tell them is more important. Gathering the whole family to sit everyone down is not necessary. In fact, there is no need to tell everyone all at the same time. It would be wise to tell first the person you think can take the news best, and then go from there. Of course, if you want to get it over and be done with, you can always do so. After all, it’s your decision and your life. It may be hard to tell someone face to face because of the instant reactions that can sometimes be harsh.

There is always a chance that a loved one can say things that could seriously harm your relationship; if you want to avoid this, consider other methods of coming out to them. Written words are always effective, so writing down your thoughts will give you time to choose the words that best express your feelings. The receiver will also have time for the news to sink in, rather than immediately reacting when they give you a call or try to speak to you. Again, whether you do this in person or through writing is your decision, although it is a sensible alternative that you can make use of if it makes you comfortable.

Unless you have been flaunting your sexuality for some time now, your friends and family will surely be shocked with the news of your coming out. This is normal, so allow them to process what you have just told them. Although homosexuality is widely accepted these days, there are still people and social circles who think of it as taboo. The acceptance of loved ones is vital, but the support from local groups is definitely invaluable. These groups aim to give an individual answers to perplexing questions. Look around your area or in the internet to gain access to these support groups.

Author's Bio
The author of this article Ruth Purple is a Relationships Coach who has been successfully coaching and guiding clients for many years. Ruth recently decided to go public and share her knowledge and experience through her website relazine.com. You can sign up for her free newsletter and join her coaching program.
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Coming_Out_It_s_About_Time.html

The importance of body language

2009-08-03T23:10:00.000-07:00

The importance of body language

People can not live without each other, we are social beings. As soon as we are in contact with others we are communicating. For this we can make use of spoken and written language. In these ways we make the content of a message clear to each other. However we can also communicate without words. This kind of communication tells us something about the relationship between people. Often this is more important than getting the content of the message across. The communication about this non spoken communication, which tells us something about the relationship between people, is called Meta-Communication. Communicating about communication!

Words are inadequate

When we connect with a person, we also have to make it clear to each other how the content of a spoken message needs to be interpreted. How we do this says something about the relationship we have with the other person, or think we have anyway. Often words are inadequate for this purpose. For instance we do not tell each other that easily how we feel about each other, or how the words of a message need to be interpreted. To make the meaning of our words clear we use body language. Body language is a language without spoken words and is therefore called non verbal communication. We use body language all the time, for instance looking someone in the eyes means something different than not looking someone in the eyes. In contact with others it is just not possible to be not communicating something.

Subconsciously

Usually body language occurs unconsciously. Yet the body language we use decides to a large extent the quality of our communication. It follows that therefore it would be good to become conscious of our own and others' body language. We can learn to use our body language for a purpose. As well as learn to understand and interpret body language of others. It is important to note that body language has different meanings in different cultures. How we can interpret body language depends on the situation, the culture, the relationship we have with the person as well as the gender of the other. This means that there is not one signal that has the same meaning all over the world. If you do not take this into account you may get yourself in some serious trouble! Body language is also interlinked with spoken language and a whole pattern of behaviour from a person. As well as that, various body language signs can complement each other to make a particular meaning crystal clear or strengthen the meaning of what we communicate. Some groups have developed a whole specific body language which can be very explicit in its meaning and is used to communicate where the use of words may otherwise be difficult or dangerous. Examples of this are mostly groups, such as gay people, people in slavery, prisoners, etc. who have a history of prejudice against them from the dominant culture. on.

Used to express feelings

Body language is used especially to express feelings. For instance if we do not like someone, it is often difficult to say that directly to the person. However we can make it clear either intentionally or unintentionally through body language. The opposite is also true. We may say that we ARE angry through words yet our body language may be saying loud and clear that we are NOT. This can be very confusing for the receiver. This is usually described as giving out double messages - one message in words and an opposite message in body language. It is also difficult to lie or cover up our feelings through body language. People may give their true feelings away by not being aware of their body language. Research has shown that most people pay more attention to, and believe more readily, their impression of how a person acts through body language than what is said through words. As a consequence we tend to doubt, or put a question mark behind, the spoken words if they do not correspond with the language of the body .

The importance of knowing how we communicate

How we come across to someone is decided only for a small part by the words we speak. To leave a good impression behind, say at a job interview, it is important that we know, and to a certain extent can control, our body language. The person on the receiving end of our body language will have a feeling or impression that is often difficult to describe - difficult to put into words or difficult to prove what actually was communicated. Haven't we all said at times: 'I have a feeling he/she likes me', or something like: 'I doubt if what he/she is saying is really the truth'. This type of feeling is called intuition. Body language plays a big role in intuition as it gives us messages about the other person that we can interpret at an intuitive level. It is therefore necessary to get to know our own body language first. We should learn about it so that we can recognise it in others as well as in ourselves. For this purpose, all the different aspects of body language that we can learn something from will be described next.

More on this topic you can find at: http://www.lichaamstaal.com/english

Frank van Marwijk
Bodycom Lichaamscommunicatie (Body Communication)
The Netherlands

Author's Bio
http://www.lichaamstaal.com/english
info@lichaamstaal.nl
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Van_Marwijk.html

Energize Your 5 Senses

2009-08-03T17:46:00.000-07:00

Our weekly theme of keeping up your energy is almost over! If you're going to energnize yourself, you might as well utilize all five of your senses. Here are my tips and tricks for making your entire body energnized, one sense at a time.

See

* When I close my eyes, I imagine the blank space beneath my eyelids as a vast expanse of carmine red. Carmine red is my super-happy color. What's yours?

* I like watching YouTube videos of REALLY talented people. They psych me up. Particularly of people who know how to dance, because I have admiration for people who can do well what I can't do. Now how cool is this video of TWO CUTE DJ KIDS SPINNING THE TURNTABLES

* Reading with my own two eyes five seconds ago that Iowa is the first state in the midwest to void a gay-marriage ban. Yippeeeee!!!!!

Hear

* I get energized when I listen to the voice of an energetic, inspiring person, whether that is through a phone call from a good friend or listening to author Elizabeth Gilbert on TED. Energizing people have a magical quality in their voices that can make people do crazy, courageous things--for the power of good.

* Have you ever listened to the eerie hum of a Tibetan singing bowl? Pure energy.

Smell

* The smell of coffee. Sometimes the smell is just good enough. Sometimes.

* Peppermint-scented things. Tropical fruit-scented things. I love walking through stores like The Body Shop.

* Men's cologne. It makes me feel like I'm on a fun date or I'm getting ready for a high school dance. Now that's just me!

* Sunscreen--because that means summer time!

Taste

* Really, really minty Altoids.

* Putting too much wasabi in my sushi

Touch

* A big bearhug from my boyfriend.

* A big bearhug from any decent human being with a good heart.

* A quick shower in the evening.

* A great back massage

Bottom line: if mental mind tricks don't work, sometimes you just gotta trick your body into feeling energnized. Also, please support gay marriage in any way you can.

Author's Bio
Intent.com
Intent.com is a premier wellness site and supportive social network where like-minded individuals can connect and support each others' intentions. Founded by Deepak Chopra's daughter Mallika Chopra, Intent.com aims to be the most trusted and comprehensive wellness destination featuring a supportive community of members, blogs from top wellness experts and curated online content relating to Personal, Social, Global and Spiritual wellness.
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Energize_Your_Five_Senses.html

How to Make a Difference Today

2009-08-02T23:44:00.000-07:00

We may not solve every problem we encounter or always find the right words to say in a challenging situation, but we do have the ability to make a difference today. When our focus is how we can make a positive impact, just one helpful action today, then we really can change the world - one day at a time.

Making a difference has no scale. It could be saying the encouraging words someone in our life needs to hear or it could be agreeing to do a chore no else wants to do. Making a difference means to provide whatever resources we have to improve every life we touch.

These improvements can be measured in buckets or they can be measured in teaspoons. The point isn’t really to measure them at all, only to provide them. When we do, we can make a difference today.

* Say “Thank you.” Say “Thank you,” to anyone who has helped you or has made your day easier. This will show respect and acknowledge the efforts of others. Appreciation will be returned to you in abundance.

* Perform one act of random kindness. Hold the elevator door open for someone who is a few steps behind you or lift the bag and place it in the overhead bin on the airplane for someone who is struggling with this task. Kindness creates more kindness for everybody to receive.

* Listen, really listen to someone. Listen without judgments or criticism. Try to avoid any self-referencing and be fully present for whoever needs it and for as long as they need it.

* Focus on one thing at a time. We can’t be all things to all people, and when we try, we sometimes find our effort becomes diluted and less effective.

* Say “No” more often.This was sound counterproductive, but it’s all about setting realistic boundaries for yourself. Show honor for your personal beliefs and convictions by not compromising who you are. Save your energy for the people and tasks that are the most important to you.

* Say, “I love you.” Say “I love you” to the people who you truly love and cherish. Do so with heart-felt sincerity. Love them as if this were their, and your, last day on earth. Don’t wait. Tell them today because tomorrow may be too late.

* Find your cause. You may have passion for animal rights, Gay rights, or human rights. Recycling, education or helping others with addictions may be examples of other causes for which you have energy. Here’s a list of other causesthat will help you make a difference today.

* Be an encourager. One gesture of encouragement with a nod of your head or the motion of your hand can be the difference maker between someone having doubt or actually accomplishing the goal. Your encouraging actions can make a life-long impression.

* Think before you act. Choose your words carefully before speaking. Consider your actions before taking a certain path. Although unintentional, our words can sting and our actions can cause pain if we are unaware of their potential impact on others. Sometimes the best way we can make a difference is to say nothing or do nothing until we have enough information to act in a responsible and positive way.

* Show patience. We learn by doing and often we learn best from our mistakes. Show patience for others and allow them to make a few mistakes – even if you know a mistake is inevitable. Also, show patience for the slow-moving check-out clerk the grocery store or the person in the meeting who is just not engaged or is not grasping the concept being discussed. The art of patience is really the gift of grace and compassion. We are not able to receive grace when we refuse to extend it to others.

* Take care of the things you have. We never know which of our resources we will be called upon to share. Keep a budget, maintain your car with regular oil changes and the like, and care for your clothes and other personal belongings. There may come a day when these items can make a difference in the life of another.

* Set an example. Gandhi taught us to Be the change we want to see in the world. This means our actions do set an example for others. I attempt to set an example of being a nurturing and responsible parent for my children; I try to let Mary Beth know I want her to have a life that is uniquely her own; and I try to share my experiences and thoughts in a way that will touch the hearts of others. The opportunities to set an example occur all the time. They happen in how we react, in what we say and in how we live. If we do nothing else to make a difference today, at least we can say our actions created the opportunity for someone to see something good inside of themselves, too.

If you enjoy this article, please visit Alex Blackwell on The BridgeMaker.

Author's Bio
Intent.com
Intent.com is a premier wellness site and supportive social network where like-minded individuals can connect and support each others' intentions. Founded by Deepak Chopra's daughter Mallika Chopra, Intent.com aims to be the most trusted and comprehensive wellness destination featuring a supportive community of members, blogs from top wellness experts and curated online content relating to Personal, Social, Global and Spiritual wellness.
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/How_To_Make_A_Difference_Today.html

A Response to Reparative Therapy for Gays

2009-08-02T23:11:00.000-07:00

He came to see me as a middle-aged man. He was suffering from social anxiety. As we worked through his fear of connecting with others, a significant, unidentified issue emerged - he was conflicted about his sexual identity.

My patient had never dated, nor established a meaningful, intimate relationship. His social anxiety was broader than the issue of meeting new friends. Rather, he cautiously disclosed that he never had shown an interest in associating with women. He was not sexually attracted to them and chose to avoid intimate encounters with females.

As the words of aversion to female relationships flowed out of his mouth, he became aware, for the first time, that his true identity was characterized by an affinity to men. Although he felt troubled and guilt-ridden by viewing it, male pornography excited him. This had been the case since early adolescence.

Social anxiety was a cover for a more deep-seeded dilemma. The anguish born out of my patient’s transparency was evident in his expressions and demeanor. His energy was permeated with a host of feelings including shame, confusion, a desire to retreat into denial and sadness. He wondered how he could get through four decades of his life without acknowledging the truth that he was gay. However, as I expressed to him, denial is a powerful tool that had served to keep his real self in check. For most people, denial serves to immunize one against the reality of their true identity until they are tired of self-deception.

Now was my patient’s time to come to terms with his true self. This meant that he would have to rethink old ways of viewing the world as he knew it. His brother would constantly make derogatory comments about gays, and my patient began to wonder about the irony and immaturity of such behavior. His sister was an alcoholic, and his parents were too detached to be concerned about his image or lifestyle.

This gentleman remembered telling a priest during confession about his erotic feelings toward men. He was granted forgiveness for his sinful thoughts and was told to find himself a nice young lady. The burden of other people’s feelings came crashing down. What would his parent’s think if they knew about his sexual orientation? What about his Catholic church that looked down on same-sex relationships?

It is one thing to know who you are and another thing to validate it. When I explored various scenarios that would engage my patient into the gay community, he appeared frozen. I knew what he was thinking. "If I attend gay-related activities and develop friendships among gays and lesbians, it affirms what I already know to be true. I'm not sure I'm ready to do that." His real anxiety was not about developing social relationships, but about pursuing those contacts that cemented his sexual identity. It was the doing of it that would forever derail his denial. He could no longer hide behind his confusion, but would be left to accept an identity that seemed strangely unfamiliar to him.

For the first time, this patient had admitted that he was not comfortable in his own skin. Can you imagine what that must be like? To feel the total weight of betrayal by negative religious sanctions? To feel thwarted from experiencing the truth about the nature of one's being?

As a therapist, it was my role to guide him toward being authentic, wherever that might lead. It was my responsibility to help him learn to make meaningful choices based upon his true self. It was a lonely, long journey as my patient strived to re-create his life based upon integrity and authenticity. Over time, in my counseling practice, I've personally witnessed the anguish and suffering experienced by patients as they explored the nature of their sexual orientation. I have also observed the courage that many patients have demonstrated in the process emerging from their silence about the narrative of sexual conflict and identity.

Although there is insufficient evidence to support its usefulness, many counselors and clergy continue to espouse reparative therapy for gay clients. These misguided providers continue to falsely believe that gays have a choice regarding the very nature of who they are. This is wishful thinking. Counselors, who many times attempt to disguise their intentions, subscribe to the archaic notion that sexual orientation is a learned process rather than a life-long identity. Reparative therapists view the gay individual as deviant and disordered and in need of transformation. Often, counselors who conduct reparative therapy for gays look for deep-seeded traumas as the causative factor in the "identity conflict" of those they serve. Counselors and clergy who insist on touting reparative therapy for gays have constructed an elaborate system of bias regarding homosexuality. They carry these distorted notions into treatment with gays and negatively impact the self-worth and integrity of those they counsel. Their insistence in curing gays by stripping them of their fragile self-identity creates a climate of self-doubt and defectiveness among those who seek help.

Personal bias and religious beliefs are at the core of those who betray the gay community. Many in the religious community are unable to reconcile their beliefs with experience and are reluctant to accept those who are gay. Unfortunately, this fact plays a role in why many gays reject their faith or live in a constant state of religious conflict. Ironically, it was Jesus who admonished the religious establishment that the law of love took precedence over the letter of the law. Jesus denounced the injustice, corruption, hypocrisy and exclusiveness demonstrated by many of the religious elite.

It is the role of the clergy and professional counselors to lead people to their authentic self. We must not fix that which is not broken, but help gays explore that which is in need of healing. This calls for encouragement, affirmation and guidance. Those in the gay community have the right to define themselves in a way that fits their true self. We counselors have an obligation to help all people who seek our assistance to explore and discover their authentic nature. Anything less is betrayal.

Author's Bio
James P. Krehbiel, Ed.S., LPC is an author, freelance writer and nationally certified cognitive-behavioral therapist practicing in Scottsdale, Arizona. He can be reached at krehbielcounseling.com
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/A_Response_to_Reparative_Therapy_for_Gays.html

Coming Out of the Migraine Closet

2009-08-01T23:50:00.000-07:00

When someone comes out of the closet, they take a stand, and they take a risk. For centuries, gay and lesbian people hid their identities in order to survive. Then a few people said “no more.” Decided to risk public censure, job loss, jail, so that things could change. And things have changed. Dramatically. There is still risk involved in coming out as a gay, lesbian, bisexual or transsexual person, significant risk, but there has also been a significant change in our society around this issue.

Are we willing to “come out” as migraineurs? Are we willing to tell people we have Migraine disease? To stop complaining about lack of understanding and take a stand, educate people? Are we willing to stand up and be counted – “I’m one too!” – and change the face and the perception of this disease? I thank the GLBT movement for an extremely useful analogy.

Sometimes we need to vent about how people see our condition as “Just a Headache” or “All in Your Head.” I have done my share of ranting on this point. We don’t want to have to educate people. It’s really not fair to have all this pain and have to explain it as well! (Do you hear your Mom’s/Dad’s voice in your head, like I do, saying “but life’s not fair!”) I also know it’s hard to show up as someone with a disease. A diseased person. A disabled person. A limited person. We don’t want the world perceiving us this way. Perhaps more significantly, we don’t want to think of ourselves this way.

Diseased, disabled, limited – these are common, automatic perceptions of those with visible illnesses. Being “in the closet” is not an option with a visible illness. Here again, the amazing and courageous movement for the rights of disabled people has changed public perception. The acceptance and accommodation of those who are differently-abled has come a long way, though there is still much further to go.

The blessing and curse of invisible illness is that it is invisible. No one can look at me and see that I have Migraine disease. If they are very perceptive, they might see that something is wrong if I’m in the midst of a migraine. No one can look at me and see that I have chronic fatigue. Sometimes they can see that I look very tired. No one can look at me and see that I have chronic sinus infections. Sometimes they can hear my hoarseness or congestion.

I think we all know what the curse of invisibility is. People do not understand our pain. They sometimes belittle it. Our employers may not accommodate us. Public events are not set up to make it easy for us to be there. Our dearly loved friends and family may think we are avoiding them, shirking responsibility, failing them. In a larger sense, invisibility means our diseases are under-funded, under-researched, medications are inadequate and specialists too few.

So what’s the blessing? When our disease is invisible, we can keep trying to show up as “normal.” We can avoid having potentially unpleasant conversations. We can avoid pity and put-downs. Of course, it’s a mixed blessing because people do see that something is wrong. I suspect some of the put-downs come from people seeing something is wrong but not knowing what it is. I think I’d rather be seen as someone with a chronic illness that interrupts my life, than as a messy flake who can’t be counted on to show up!

We need to remember that we migraineurs are 12% of the population. 12 out of every 100 people. 3 out of every 25! Whoever you are talking to, chances are they know many, many migraineurs besides you! Even more significantly, according to some estimates, 40% of Americans have some kind of chronic, invisible illness. Whoever you are talking to, they have people very close to them with invisible illness!

Lately I have been way out of the closet as a migraineur. I am in this public forum, all over the web with my real name, as a migraineur. I have gone to my business contacts and talked to them about the work I am doing as a Migraine management coach – and telling them that has involved sharing something of my personal story. I am someone with chronic illness who has built a business around my illness. I help others build workable lives around their illnesses. I can’t do that while hiding who I am.

These days when I show up at my business networking meetings, people ask me, with great concern, “how ARE you?” I told an associate recently, “feeling great today!” He breathed a little sigh of relief and asked “So your migraines are all gone?” (Hey, wouldn’t that be nice?) He wanted me to be better! It’s the kind of reaction I’ve been avoiding for years. “No,” I said, “it’s a chronic disease. It’s the way my nervous system is made. I wish they were all gone. But today I’m feeling great!” He nodded, I shrugged, and we went on to talk about something else.

A few months ago I couldn’t have had that conversation. For now, I keep showing up, assuming that people are not malicious, they are just uninformed. And I inform them. Gently, and as appropriate. They ask me what I’m doing these days and I tell them I’m focusing on helping people with Migraine, people like me.

So hey, migraineurs, are you willing to come out and play, out here with me, out of the closet? I’d love to have your company. We can change public perception. We can create a world more responsive to our needs, more accepting of who we are.

- Megan Oltman

Don’t forget your sunglasses, it’s bright out here!

Author's Bio
Megan Oltman is a migraineur, an entrepreneur, and a Migraine Management Coach, helping migraineurs and people with chronic illness manage their lives, keep working, start and maintain businesses, and live purposeful lives. She also practices as a professional divorce mediator. Over the years, she's been a practicing attorney, a free-lance writer, and a business coach and advisor. Megan has a free Migraine management course, The Six Keys to Manage your Migraines and Take Back your Life, available at takebackyourlifefrommigraine.com Her writings on Migraine and more tools for managing life with Migraine can be found at freemybrain.com
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Coming_Out_of_the_Migraine_Closet.html

Love in Same Sex Couples by Deepak Chopra

2009-08-01T23:12:00.000-07:00

Question:

Your book on Love makes many references to the love relationships of male/female couples. I am half way through the book and I have yet to see the principles of the book applied to same gender couples. Is there a difference? Or perhaps it is your belief that same gender couples cannot be in a state of loving relationships.

Answer:

I assume the book you mean is The Path to Love. Yes, the principles of love in a heterosexual relationship that bring you to a deeper spiritual connection to your source, apply to same sex couples just as deeply. Whatever differences there might be between same sex and opposite sex relationships, the spiritual dynamics of love are still the same for everyone. Not only do I believe same gender couples can be in loving relationships, I know gay couples who embody the ideals of a union built on love.

Love,
Deepak

Author's Bio
Intent.com
Intent.com is a premier wellness site and supportive social network where like-minded individuals can connect and support each others' intentions. Founded by Deepak Chopra's daughter Mallika Chopra, Intent.com aims to be the most trusted and comprehensive wellness destination featuring a supportive community of members, blogs from top wellness experts and curated online content relating to Personal, Social, Global and Spiritual wellness.
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/love_same_sex_couples.html

"Does Size Matter to your Sexual Partner?"

2009-08-01T18:17:00.000-07:00

Many people have asked us whether or not you really need to add size to your penis. Does your partner think that average isn't good enough? How big do you have to be?

When asked directly by men, some women might say "size doesn't matter". Amongst themselves though, they tell a different story. Most women agree that bigger is definitely better- especially in terms of girth.

Look around... in women's magazines, on television (like Sex in the City), even in popular film... The more liberated attitudes of recent years have gradually begun to expose the truth... that "Size Does Matter"!

Here's what some female celebrities have to say about penis size:

Janet Jackson: "I'm a size queen. Honestly. If I'm on a date and I

see the guy is not packing, that's when I fake a backache. Suddenly, your back goes out. I learned that from my friends."

Shirley Manson: "Oh. (pauses). Yes I am, and any girl who tells you otherwise is a goddamn liar! 'Size queen' - I like that. I should

call a song 'Size Queen.'"

Rebecca Scott- Playboy Playmate (Miss August 1999): "Girth is more important, and I'd probably like an eight-inch penis. That's a good length. It's the right size to get you going."

Elke Jensen- Playboy Playmate (Miss May 1993): "Penis size is the

most important matter in a man. I could not be with a guy if his

penis couldn't make me come."

What's the size most preferred by women? Well, everyone has different preferences, but it seems that most women prefer a penis 7 to 8 inches in length and about 6 inches in girth.

Let's not leave gay men out of this. It's no secret that gay men also prefer their partners to be well- endowed.

I bring this up not to try and belittle men that may have less than

average endowments, but to tell it like it is.

I also bring a message of hope.

In this day and age, there's no shame in trying to better yourself.

We lift weights, do cardio, and diet in the pursuit of perfection (or

as close to it as we can get). That philosophy should also apply to

your penis as well. There are penis enlargement programs (such as the one at SPE - speedpenisenlargement.com) that you can use to maximize your size. These programs and supplements are backed by cutting edge research and have money back guarantee. You have nothing to lose!

In conclusion, there are (or should be) more important attributes

that your partner should admire about you- intelligence, sensitivity, faithfulness, etc.- but face it- SIZE MATTERS! Don't be ashamed of wanting a bigger penis when nowadays it's so easy to do- and you can do it in total discretion. At least now you have the option of being a great partner due to your mental and emotional attributes AND being well-hung!

__________________

AJ Alfaro at SPE - www.speedpenisenlargement.com - www.speedpenisenlargement.com>

How to Open Yourself to Your Life’s Purpose

2009-08-01T09:02:00.000-07:00

“Why am I here? What is my purpose in life?”

Asking these questions marks the beginning of your search to finding your life’s purpose. Following the path toward a life of meaning and purpose is different for everyone. Here are some steps that have been taken by many who live a fulfilling life.

Become self-aware so you can recognize the point of transition. One of the keys to transitioning to a life full of meaning and purpose is acknowledging the nagging feeling that there was more to life than what you are doing now. Perhaps you don’t feel satisfied, and nothing on the horizon looks like it will do the trick. Do you sense there is a greater reason for being but don’t know what it is? Have you had enough? Does your job feel like a grind? Do you feel unfulfilled?

Ask yourself these important questions: Begin your day with meditation or prayer, and ask yourself these questions: What is my purpose in this life? Why am I really here? What is my heart’s desire? Then listen. The answers might not come to you right away, but be patient, and look for clues. Don’t try to come up with the answers intellectually, or figure it out; these are questions that you want to be answered in a more expanded way.

Listen to your inner voice. Listen to your inner voice above all. Meditation is a key to unlock your intuition. By spending time in silence every day through meditation or prayer you can expand your awareness and quiet the noise and distractions from the outside. Listening to your inner wisdom takes practice, and anyone can do it. Intuition is a very wise, yet quiet voice. It is very real, and doesn’t steer you wrong. When you act on your intuition and respond authentically to the cues around you, you’ll begin to trust your own wisdom and unlock the keys to your happiness.

Notice what you are attracted to, pay attention to your internal yes and no, or your yums and yucks, and act on them. Your body is wise, just think, it exchanges oxygen molecules for carbon dioxide molecules, constantly replaces the cells in your body, controls your temperature and your heartbeat, and so much more. Your body is wise; it is your best friend. You can tune into and become more aware of your sensations of comfort and discomfort, listen to the quiet voice inside, and really pay attention to what you are attracted to. Becoming aware and honoring how you feel in each moment is vital to a successful journey toward a more fulfilling life.

Tune out the “should’s” from those around you. Take a leap of faith and trust in your dreams. A bad habit is when we are dependent on others people’s opinions of us, and defer to their idea of what we should do rather than following our dreams. Finding your purpose sometimes means going against the advice of close friends and family.

Gandhi once said, “There are times when you have to obey a call which is the highest of all, i.e. the voice of conscience, even though such obedience may cost many a bitter tear, and even more, separation from friends, from family, from the state to which you may belong, from all that you have held as dear as life itself. For this obedience is the law of our being.”

Look for clues and be open to possibilities: Clues to your life’s purpose might be found in the answers to these questions: How do you spend your free time? What were your hobbies were when you were a kid left to express your own creativity?

Perhaps you’ll find clues in books or cds that catch your attention. Spend time with people who are living their dreams and are talking about things you are attracted to or are thinking about. When you are onto something, synchronicities may become more frequent, that is a big clue. An opportunity to find and express your passion might be revealed or serendipitous event that reminds you of what’s important and what makes you happy.

Richard Bach, author of Jonathan Livingston Seagull writes: “Nothing happens by chance, my friend… No such thing as luck. A meaning behind every little thing, and such a meaning behind this. Part for you, part for me, may not see it all real clear right now, but we will, before long.”

Notice who you admire, and put your attention on what kind of person you want to be. You might admire your mom, or grandfather, or a mythological or biblical figure, or a world leader or boss.

Make a list of who they are and what qualities they have. Those who you admire are showing you the qualities that you can bring out in your own life. What you put your attention on grows. So check your list and aim to embody the qualities of those you admire.

Be patient. Trust the wisdom of the universe. You will sense that you are onto something when you experience joy or peace in the moment, feel energized by your activity, or sense that you are being supported in your efforts by the universe, nature, God or your higher power. Know that life is on your side. Have faith and patience. Be open to signs and wonders, coincidences and opportunities. Keep your commitment and take small steps to make it happen.

Practice gratitude. Putting your attention on what you have and then asking for what you want will keep you from regretting the present moment. Grateful people do not deny or ignore the negative aspects of life. According to the experts, it’s easy to regret the time you’ve spent being unhappy or unfulfilled. Research has found that those who practice gratitude report higher levels of positive emotions, life satisfaction, vitality, optimism and lower levels of depression and stress. The disposition toward gratitude appears to enhance pleasant feeling states more than it diminishes unpleasant emotions.

Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple Computer, shares how he found his passion:“I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did."

You’ve got to find what you love…. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”

How do you know when you are on the ‘right’ path? Here are some of the signs people cite:

“It took me quite a bit of whole-body tuning-in to learn to feel it, but there’s a physical sensation of sweet ease in the center of yourself, between your chest and belly, that will let you know you are moving in the right direction.” Gay Hendricks, author Conscious Loving.

“The first sign would be a feeling of general happiness and satisfaction. If you drag out of bed in the morning and can barely face the day, then you’re definitely not on the right path. If you hop out of bed and you are enthused about what you are doing, then you are.” –Deborah King, Ph.D., author of Truth Heals: What You Hide Can Hurt You.

In his book and DVD, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, Dr. Deepak Chopra shares that everyone has a unique purpose in this life: “We all seek our unique destiny, our place in the cosmic plan. It is known as dharma and it is more than seeking work that you love. The root of the word ‘dharma’ in Sanskrit means ‘to uphold.’ This is a valuable clue. You know you’ve become part of the cosmic design when the universe upholds and supports you. Every principle of nature comes to your aid, every power supports you spontaneously.

“The universal mind choreographs everything that is happening in billions of galaxies with elegant precision and unfaltering intelligence. Its intelligence is ultimate and supreme, permeating every fiber of existence from the smallest to the largest, from the atom to the cosmos. You are an impulse of the universe.”

“Everyone has a purpose in life, a unique gift or special talent to give to others. When we blend this unique talent with service to others, we experience the ecstasy and exultation of our own spirit, which is the ultimate goal of all goals.”

Author's Bio
Sarah McLean, Director of Sedona Meditation Training & Retreats, is a sought after presenter in the personal growth arena and in in corporate environments. Her presentations throughout Arizona and the U.S. include self-awareness training, stress reduction techniques, and mind/body health and lifestyle programs.

Sarah lives in Sedona where she teaches meditation, writes, and offers personal health lifestyle changes. She is a frequent contributor to health and lifestyle publications on mind/body health and the benefits of meditation.
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/How_to_Open_Yourself_to_Your_Life_s_Purpose.html

How to Find Love by Changing Your Thinking

2009-07-31T13:25:00.000-07:00

One of the most universal desires we have as human beings is to find love.

Most of us want to find romantic love. To find a soul mate, someone with whom we can share our innermost thoughts and feelings. Someone to share the joys and sorrows of our daily lives and to walk beside us in this great adventure called life.

Often though, in our quest to find love we encounter many obstacles. They say the path to true love never runs smoothly, and this could also be said of the path to happiness, fulfillment, and emotional freedom. As with any big goal worth reaching, the goal of finding someone to share your life with takes effort.

Much of the effort required is internal. Fine-tuning your thoughts and expectations is far more important than scouring the personal ads endlessly.

Here are some of the main obstacles that can make it hard for us to find love;

• Having unrealistic expectations. Hard as it can be to accept, life is not a movie or a fairytale. It is better. Living ‘happily ever after’ would mean missing out on all the triumphs, tragedies, joys, and sorrows that make life real and interesting. ‘Happily ever after’ is boring, and ‘Prince or Princess Charming’ does not exist. We are all human beings with flaws as well as good qualities. Waiting for the perfect partner just means missing out on the joy of getting to know a lot of potentially good partners.

• Not having clear and reasonable expectations. If you don’t know what qualities you want in a partner, you won’t know when you find someone who has them.

• Forming a relationship with somebody just because they want you to. Don’t fall into the trap of being with someone because they desperately want you to be with them. If it is not what you want too, then it is the wrong choice.

• The flip side of the above point is forming a relationship with someone that seems reluctant to be with you. If your partner is only with you because you have talked them into it, you will never feel secure. Break free and give yourself a chance of finding someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them.

• Not believing you are worthy of a good relationship. If you feel that you don’t deserve to be loved, respected, and treated well, you have very little chance of creating a relationship that will provide these things.

• Choosing relationships based on what you think you ‘should’ want or what other people expect. Just because you can check all the boxes in a magazine survey about the ‘right’ partner doesn’t make them right for you. Equally, just because a potential partner looks great in the eyes of your friends and family doesn’t mean that you will be happy in a relationship with them.

• Excluding potential partners based on other people’s ideas of what is right or wrong. Have you ever dismissed the possibility of a relationship based on height, age, or skin color? You could be missing some wonderful potential mates by doing this.

• Settling. Deciding to be with someone because you are afraid of being alone, or because you believe this relationship is ‘as good as it gets’ is seriously short-changing yourself. Be clear about what you want, know that you can have it, keep your mind and options open, be realistic, and don’t settle!

You can find love, and have a wonderful, fulfilling relationship. Happily ever after is just a fairytale, but true love and lasting happiness is not. Believe me, I know!

Amanda Harvey

www.choosing-life-my-way.com

Author's Bio
A native of Australia, Amanda Harvey is currently based in Taiwan. Working as a teacher, trainer, speaker, and writer, she has spent the last decade living in various countries throughout Europe and Asia.

Through her work and life experiences, Amanda has developed a strong passion for encouraging others to embrace their differences and become empowered to choose their own paths.

Finding love in an unexpected way, and overcoming the stigma of depression while learning to live a happy, healthy life, provided Amanda with enormous opportunity for personal growth.

Making alternative life choices, including living abroad and becoming a mother-of-three through interracial adoption, has shaped Amanda’s sense of purpose in life.

The key message that Amanda endeavors to share is that there is always a choice, and that the only right way to choose life is your way.

Amanda is the author of two books.

One is a self-help book entitled Freedom from Shame,Overcoming the Stigma of Depression. This book is a personal account of Amanda’s experiences of coming to terms with suffering from depression. She shares the process she developed and used to overcome the stigma and shame she experienced, and how she is now enjoying a happy healthy life, even with depression.

Amanda's other title is Not My Flesh and Blood, But My Heart and Soul. this book is a memoir telling of Amanda’s journey to motherhood through interracial adoption. The key message is her deep realization that family love can transcend all conventions and stereotypes, and that there are many ways to create a family. She declares that biology is only one way of being related.

To read more, or contact Amanda, please visit

www.choosing-life-my-way.com
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/how_to_find_love_by_changing_your_thinking.html

Being Gay is a Gift from God

2009-07-30T21:33:00.000-07:00

"Being Gay is a gift from God. But our culture doesn't understand that, and consequently it sends messages that you are to be isolated. And Isolation is the antithesis of what all of us need. We need community, we simply cannot do spirituality or be fully alive without community" God's Gift

The above line was recently said by Rev. Ed Bacon, the rector of All Saints Episcopal Church in Pasadena, California during one of Oprah's Shows early in January. What an awesome way to start the New Year! Don't you think? I sure wish Oprah was around when I was growing up almost 40 years ago! Sure would have made things a lot easier, and chances are that hearing such statements on national television would have given me the courage I needed then to come out to my dad a lot earlier and not confess it in prayer after he had passed, leaving me feeling guilty that he never got to know me truly as I am.

As I was watching the broadcast (which I'm sure you'll be able to find by simply Googleing the words "Oprah" and "Gay") I could not help but feel a mixed sense of wonder, happiness, and sadness at the same time. Wonder because it was completely unexpected, and because it resonated in the depth of my being. Happiness because in so many ways it was a public acknowledgement by two very respected spiritual leaders with rather large followings, reaffirming something I've come to know and accept in my life after much pain and several hundreds of hours of therapy: That I was created in the image and likeness of God; that God in me, as me, is me. I felt sadness because I sensed that in so many ways, though much ground has already courageously been gained, there's so much healing that still needs to take place in the Gay and Lesbian community, not just here in South Africa, but all over the world.

So the question is where do we begin? How do we begin to heal the wounds left by years of feeling isolated, 'different' from the rest, years of being told that we are abominations, deviants, pedophiles, freaks and so many other 'labels', that unfortunately many of us started to, and eventually believed - some to the point where they have ended their life? What comes to mind is Gandhi's words "Be the change you want to see in the world." To me that translates into: be the healing, powerful, loving and self accepting gay person I want to see other gay men and women be in the world. The work starts first with oneself, then, as Rev. Ed Bacon indicates, in the community in which we live.

The path to healing can for some of us be long and painful, and for you it may take longer than you expect depending on how long you've been holding on to those 'beliefs' about homosexuality imposed by others. All healing must first begin with the full and complete acceptance of what is. That means to fully accept all that has happened in your life as a consequence of buying into those beliefs of separation without thinking about what you could have, should have, or would have done Once you've done that, then take the time to harvest all the positive that came from it. Sure there were bad moments, but certainly not all was bad. Some good things must have come from it. What good things emerged? Perhaps in order to hide your feelings of shame you learned to play an instrument or develop a skill or talent that otherwise you would not have. Perhaps you hid at the local library where you had a chance to read books you never would have found. Or perhaps, in the places that you escaped to you met wonderful, loving and supporting people that became lovers, others friends for life. Whatever that is, it helps if you write it down. Then, after you've listed all the good that was harvested from all that sense of separation and isolation, take the time to forgive. Forgiveness is one of the most underrated and powerful spiritual practices there is! All forgiveness is truly self-forgiveness, for when we forgive others we are truly healing and releasing all those thoughts, emotions, and feelings we are holding inside us about them. What do you have to forgive yourself for? Who else do you need to forgive? Your parents, church, friends, society, God? Write it down. You can write something like... "I forgive you _______ for _________. I release you and let you go. You no longer have any power over me." Forgiveness clears the path and allow for true healing to take place. Finally, ask yourself: "What new quality is now trying to emerge in me? What is seeking to be birthed? Write it down to. You see, in every seeming challenge or problem in our lives, there's always some quality which is being called forth to emerge inside of us. In my case, once I was able to forgive and truly let go of my own limited thoughts about myself, I began to feel freer, and more confident in myself, more self-accepting. Those were the qualities that were trying to emerge.

The healing we want to see in the world does truly begin with ourselves. As more of us begin to own this process, and become responsible for our own lives, our own Divinity begins to emerge, our lights to brighter shine. This in turn, allows others to do the same. By Divinity I mean all those qualities of God which we inherited when we were born: Love, Joy, Abundance, Peace, Acceptance, Harmony, Power, Giving, Creativity, the list goes on and on. As Rev. Michael B. Beckwith, spiritual director and founder of the Agape Movement said during the same Oprah Broadcast, "People don't just happen to be gay. People are born gay by Divine Right. We are the image and likeness of God, just as we are."

Gay Affirmations

I am gay for a powerful and purposeful reason.
I accept my personal responsibility for being a healing force in my life, the gay community, and the world.
I release shame and internalized homophobia from every level of my being.
Mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually I am tuned into the vibration of deep self-love and acceptance.
In this alignment my thoughts, words and deeds are filled with grace, clarity and power.
How great it is to be gay! I am FABULOUS . . . it's just true!

Note: Gay Affirmations are provided courtesy of Mark Anthony Lord.

Author's Bio

Intent.com is a premier wellness site and supportive social network where like-minded individuals can connect and support each others' intentions. Founded by Deepak Chopra's daughter Mallika Chopra, Intent.com aims to be the most trusted and comprehensive wellness destination featuring a supportive community of members, blogs from top wellness experts and curated online content relating to Personal, Social, Global and Spiritual wellness.

Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/being_gay_is_a_gift_from_god.html

Law of Attraction and Homosexuality

2009-07-29T19:41:00.000-07:00

An email from a troubled young man asked, "Is Law of Attraction not working for me because I'm gay?" He went on to say that his life was “doomed no matter what” because of the “sinful” nature of his sexuality. He even mentioned that few of his gay and lesbian associates have successful relationships. My answer to him was that the law of attraction works the same for everyone and that he is only doomed for as long as his thoughts are dooming him.

This young man was, unintentionally of course, resisting the joyful life that is his birthright. He was creating an awful existence for himself. Why? Because he didn’t know any better. Whole groups of people, not just homosexuals, respond to the negative messages of parents, teachers, religious leaders, and society by internalizing what they have been taught. In other words, the things that they’ve been told become their dominant thoughts (or beliefs). And the Law of Attraction will always send thoughts and circumstances that are a vibrational match to your beliefs.

At a workshop in 1999, Abraham Hicks said “there is nothing that you can do that is worse for yourself, than to do something that you believe is inappropriate. And so, get clear and happy about whichever choice you make because it is your contradiction that causes the majority of the contradiction in vibration.” This statement couldn’t be more perfect.

If you spend decades listening as people that you love or respect tell you that you are bad, evil, wrong, and on a path to hell, you may begin to feel that you are bad, evil, wrong, and on a path to hell. And when you begin to believe such things, you’ll experience quite a hellish existence on this Earth. Harboring negative beliefs about yourself is damaging to you and to anyone who gets involved in a relationship with you.
With this understanding, it is clear why the letter-writer notices so many unhappy gay and lesbian relationships. People who believe that their sexuality is “sinful” and their relationships are wrong will have a very hard time creating a stable, joyful bond with their partner. The law of attraction works in such a way that you experience exactly what you allow yourself to believe.

I’d like to offer a few words of advice to gays, lesbians, and anyone else who is struggling with living outside of the expectations of others.

* Come to terms with who you are.
When you learn that you are a magnificent Being whose existence is important to the expansion of this great Universe, you will stop being affected by what others say or think of you. When you realize that you are a powerful creator whose every thought is creating life experience, you will cease to doubt yourself in response to those who condemn you. When you learn to love yourself as Source (or God) loves you, you will benefit from the positive energy that flows within rather than withering from the negative words of those who don’t understand you.

* Consider a new belief system.
Although you may have been taught under a certain religious modality, you are free to choose what you will believe. If you can’t bring yourself to break the family religious tradition, at least learn to benefit from the positive parts of that faith while leaving the negative, fire and brimstone teachings for those who want to attract such monstrosities in their lives. Your parents, teachers, pastors, and priests are mostly well-intentioned, but they cannot properly make choices for you. You are born with an innate sense of your own truth. And if honoring what you feel to be true for you does not line up with the belief system under which you’ve been taught, you have a decision to make. Will you follow your Inner Guidance toward what is right for you? Or will you do what is right for others by following their teachings even if it leads you to think so poorly of yourself that you repeatedly attract negative life experiences? The choice is yours, so choose wisely.

* Practice awareness. Be conscious of your Inner Being.
You were born with the only tool that you’ll ever need for a successful life—your Inner Being. Living without conscious awareness of this powerful inner guidance is a handicap that afflicts most people who have been taught to get their guidance from others. Whether or not you are aware of it, this spiritual you IS the larger part of who you are. And the larger part of who you are will always do two things: call you toward a joyful life and let you know when you are on track. The problems come when you ignore your Inner Being in favor of what you hear, see, and learn in your physical world.

Your emotions are your evidence of how much you are in (or out of) alignment with your Inner Being, how you are vibrating, and what the law of attraction is bringing to you. You will enjoy positive emotion when you align with your Inner Being and the Law of Attraction will respond with manifestations of your desires. When your thoughts and actions are out of alignment with that spiritual part of you, you will feel negative emotion. And as you offer that low vibration of unhappiness or misery, you will attract undesirable circumstances that breed even more misery.

In order to tell the difference between the “voice” of your Inner Being and the subconscious trash that you’ve accumulated over your lifetime, start a spiritual growth journey. It will take some practice to become accustomed to noticing the spiritual part of yourself if you’ve spent your life only observing what can be detected with your physical senses, but simple practices like meditation are a great start.
Begin by dedicating a few minutes each day to developing your sixth sense. Calm down! That doesn’t mean you should see “dead” people. But it does mean that you should become aware of the fact that there is much more to you than this physical body. As you become more and more aware of who you really are, you will stop looking for answers outside of yourself.

* Start appreciating.
It can be difficult to know that there is something about you that is very different from others, even more-so when you’re frowned upon or judged by those that you love. But it does not serve you to be angry with those who are homophobic. It also doesn’t serve you to fear hell, to resist what is natural for you, or to feel guilty about not following the script given to you by your society. Feelings of guilt, anger, shame, and fear have very low vibrations, thus they will hinder you from living the joyful life that is your destiny. In order to attract a life filled with great relationships, emotional stability, financial abundance, and overwhelming internal joy, the majority of your thoughts must be of a higher vibration. To start allowing law of attraction to manifest your ideal life,replace the negative thoughts with those of appreciation and love. Here are a few statements about these issues, written from a compassionate, appreciative, loving point of view:

o Source loves me just as I am, so I love me just as I am.
o They can’t help how they feel about gay people—they are only doing what they think is right
o My parents and my pastor simply want to pass on a tradition that they believe in—they mean well and I appreciate their intention
o Now that I feel good about myself, the Universe will send the most magnificent partner my way for a fairytale romance
o Being different is actually quite fun—I now enjoy standing out from the crowd

In the words of Joseph Campbell, “follow your bliss.” Discover yourself, love yourself, forgive yourself, and free yourself. The result will be a wonderful life transformation that defies all understanding.

Copyright © 2009 Attraction Saga

Author's Bio
Nea Joy is the founder and author of the Attraction Saga Law of Attraction-based website. She specializes in teaching the art of joyful living through spiritual growth and deliberate use of the Universal law of attraction.

Enhance your life today by visiting http://attractionsaga.com for free articles, tips, and resources.
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/law_of_attraction_and_homosexuality.html

The Top 10 Things to do on a GREEN DATE

2009-07-28T23:20:00.000-07:00

Having a green lifestyle in general is very important to most of us, so why not take it a step further and make sure that your dating lifestyle is also green.

Here are 10 great, green dating ideas:

• Green Volunteerism! Spend time learning and talking about causes or issues that are most important to you and your date/mate. You both are most likely to be inspired, turned on, and energized, by volunteering for something you believe in. For example, look in your neighborhood newspaper together and find out when local organizations are doing habitat restoration projects, feeding the homeless or having a fundraising dinner for the local environmental agency. Start locally and as the relationship evolves, you can expand your volunteering together, nationally or globally.
• Plan a green camping trip. Leave the city, phones, computers, ipods behind, and embrace nature. Quiet time spent in the woods promotes deep conversation and getting to know one another. Don’t use plastic or paper throw-away products and do dishes together out of a sudsy bucket using green, biodegradable dishwashing soap. Play a game of sexy strip poker by candle light. Try some constellation identification and bring a musical instrument to play at night (even if you don’t know how to play!).
• Bike or walk to a community festival or fair. Paint each others’ faces with plant-based paints, flirt with each other as you sway to the sounds of local music.
• Learn about the indigenous people in your area. Research the natural history of your community together. For example, take a hike and focus only on medicinal or edible plants, or research and attend a local, Native American powwow.
• Romance with candlelight and poetry. Bring a blanket, find a quiet spot (even your living room floor will do) and read excerpts from one of America’s first green poets, Henry David Thoreau. Share with each other what inspires and touches you.
• Make homemade artwork together. Use recycled paper and natural plant dyes to make one of a kind, green works of art. Use in a scrapbook with your first date pictures or write romantic love letters on.
• Organic wine tasting. Take your hybrid car to your nearest organic wine tasting event. Sample and support the work of sustainable and green agriculture. If you’d like, book at the nearest Bed and Breakfast within walking distance. Spend time in nature with a bottle of wine from your favorite organic vineyard and listen to a stream or go for a relaxing hike.
• Get dressed up and head out to your local car dealerships. Test drive and research all the hybrids and/or electric vehicles available. After working up an appetite, end the night at your favorite organic restaurant. Remember to bring your own “to-go” container!
• Have a green summer party! Introduce your special someone to your friends and family, and show them what you stand for by being green. BBQ with 100% natural, additive-free charcoal (try Cowboy Charcoal or Greenlink Charcoal) or use gas or electric for a more environmentally friendly option. Choose organic, free range meats or go vegetarian. Portabella mushrooms are a great burger substitute! Use regular dishes, glass cups and cloth napkins. Go to a thrift store and buy an extra set of cheap dishes and napkins just for BBQ’s and casual parties. Play games like bochi ball on a grass lawn or charades.
• Go on a hike and picnic. Pack a couple of backpacks with an organic gourmet lunch for two. Use Camelbacks if you are going on a more strenuous hike (backpacks with water bladders and drinking tubes). When you reach your destination, find a nice rock to sit on and whip out the picnic. Feed each other grapes, mangos and organic, ginger beer. Enjoy the peace and tranquility of nature and each other’s company. If there is a lake, ocean or stream, take a dip and lie in the sun.

Have fun!

Author's Bio
Jill Crosby is the owner/founder of the largest exclusively spiritual/conscious dating site on the Internet, SpiritualSingles.com, originated in 1998 and launched in 1999. It’s is free to join, browse and reply. www.SpiritualSingles.com
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/the_top_10_things_to_do_on_a_green_date.html

Impacts of Sexual Dysfunction on Man’s Life

2009-07-26T13:52:00.000-07:00

Sexual dysfunction is the condition in men, it occurs when men are unable to get the erection or hold the erection for the sufficient amount of time during the sexual intercourse. Sexual dysfunction has a considerable impact on social as well as personal life of men. Individuals suffering from the sexual dysfunction are more deeply shocked than generally realized. The masculinity and self esteem of men suffering from sexual dysfunction is being particularly affected. The cause may either be psychogenic, physical or both of them; its effect is the same. Their sense of masculinity is battered with profound effects on their feeling of worth to their partner and also in the workplace. Previous studies on sexual dysfunction and men behavior, do suggest that sexual dysfunction or Impotence has a considerable psychological and social effect. For example, the Sexual Dysfunction Association found that 65% of participants in their online survey felt that sexual dysfunction reduced their self esteem, 31% said their relationships had been affected. And 25% reported that their relationship had ended as a direct consequence. The impact is compounded by considerable social stigma, with sexual dysfunction as a source of jokes, limiting the extent to which men with sexual dysfunction can confide in others or approach health professionals for treatment. Worries and depression are the consequences of sexual dysfunction. It shows a negative result in the work field and also in one’s social relationship. One feels as if he is the only one who suffers from sexual dysfunction. It’s because generally people don’t discuss about the topic with anyone. To avoid the impacts of sexual dysfunction, one has to make up his mindset so that he should think there are many other people suffering from sexual dysfunction and he is not the only one. Of course, there is nothing to suppose, it’s a fact. And anyone from any point of time can turn impotent after a certain age. So being away from all the negative notions, he has to go and consult with his doctor about the same problem. People don’t consult with their doctors about the same problem, because they either feel embarrassed to talk about their sexual dysfunction or they think there is no treatment, so consulting is of no use. They will definitely get rid of all their worries soon after they come to know that the problem they are going through is not permanent in nature and they can recover it as soon as they want. There are so many types of medications for the treatment of sexual dysfunction available that one can have numerous options. He can choose the option that his doctor suggests suitable for him. Low cost drugs are an inexpensive way through which one can get rid of sexual dysfunction and his worries about losing his masculinity. So let’s get out of the tensed thoughts. You deserve a much better life. One disorder can’t make you turn weak. Science and technology have improved a lot. Educate yourself about them. And surely you can avoid the impacts of sexual dysfunction on your life.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/sexuality-articles/impacts-of-sexual-dysfunction-on-mans-life-1071359.html

About the Author:
Hi I am Steve Marshal Caldwell. I work as an associate editor.
I am committed to provide visitors with complete information on Sexual Health Medicines and Men's Health Drugs , and latest news in the pharmaceutical sector.

The Steps to Forgiveness

2009-07-25T23:53:00.000-07:00

"Forgiveness involves letting go and surrender of judgment and condemnation. With compassion, we can help others become aware of their divine nature and become lovers instead of haters. Most of all, we must not forget to forgive ourselves. We can give up the victim mentality and become victors instead. If we look through our spiritual eyes, we can stop judging and truly forgive. If we stop resisting life so much, we will stop feeling like a victim and creating a life of drama where we constantly need to forgive. That is so freeing!" Patty Hayes

To forgive does not mean we agree with or condone inappropriate behavior, it means we are willing to let go, move on or free ourselves from the burden of resentment. Forgiveness can be exhibited in many ways and can be accomplished with or without the offender present. Below are some steps to consider when considering forgiveness.

1) A) Journal or write about your feelings, what happened and let it all out. This your personal experience so just put it all down in whatever manner makes you feel good! B) If you're not a writer, find an objective person who can listen to you without giving their opinion unless it is asked for by you. Then talk it out. C) If you have spiritual connection to some greater power you can pray about it.

2) Look at your side of the event, disagreement, problem. How did you participate, do you have anything to "clean up". "Clean up" means taking responsibility for your part in the issues, disagreement or problem. It is often helpful to look at how you may do things differently next time, so you can learn from this experience.

3) Consider if you are even willing to forgive yet. If not I would recommend that you take some steps to work through the underlying feelings you are still carrying around, such as anger, hurt or a myriad of other emotions. If you are unwilling go back to step 1 and repeat until you feel willingness beginning to emerge.

4) Make the decision to forgive anyone involved in the situation. Don't forget yourself if you need it too. Decide if you need to say or write anything to anyone involved to get your feelings out and be heard. The person you are forgiving does not need to be willing or present for you to complete this process. You can ask an objective person to be on the receiving end if you don't feel safe or comfortable going to the person who you are upset with. You can visualize that you are speaking to that person when you are speaking to a friend or objective listener.

5) Let go! Keep in mind you are choosing to forgive, if you are holding on to a belief that the other person has to do something before you'll forgive you are choosing to remain stuck. If you find situations re-stimulating the old feelings of hurt you may need to repeat step 1.

If you need any assistance with the process of forgiveness please feel free to e-mail me or call me.

Author's Bio
Allison is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in individual, couples and family therapy, and maintains a private practice in Pasadena & Monrovia, California.

With over five years experience as a therapist, and a graduate of Phillips Graduate Institute specializing in working with Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgendered issues, anxiety, depression, codependency, and grief & loss, she is currently serving as a private practitioner working with a broad spectrum of clients.

Allison is an interactive, humanistic, solution-focused therapist. Her therapeutic approach is to provide support and practical feedback to help clients effectively address personal life challenges. She integrates complimentary methodologies and techniques to offer a highly personalized approach tailored to each client. With compassion and understanding, she works with each individual to help them build on their strengths and attain the personal growth they’re striving for in their lives.

Education
Master's Degree in Psychology -MFT

License, Certifications & Awards
License Number MFT 46004
Pupil Personnel Services Credential

Additional Training
Social skills and violence prevention

Professional Activities and Memberships
American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists - Clinical Member
California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists - Licensed Member
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/The_Steps_to_Forgiveness.html

Panic Attacks - The Truth & The Lies

2009-07-24T13:46:00.000-07:00

If someone has told you that anxiety and panic attacks require coping mechanisms and anxiety management and that a cure is impossible - they are so, so, very wrong!

If someone tells you that medication and psychotherapy are the solution - they are also very, very wrong!

Let me tell you the truth about panic attacks.

Panic attacks or anxiety attacks, are the result of you developing a level of inappropriate anxiety at which Adrenalin, the hormone responsible for the anxiety reaction, is not used up by either fighting or fleeing from a potential danger. This over-spill of adrenalin can cause you to experience, sometimes, extreme and often distressing physical and psychological symptoms. While disturbing, they are completely harmless.

Panic attacks sufferers can also be subjected to what are called 'limited symptom panic attacks' during which, maybe as few as three or four symptoms are experienced.

But most panic attacks produce, sometimes, overwhelming symptoms and thoughts that make the sufferer believe that they are, in some way, ill, about to pass out or even die!

None of which will actually ever happen!

Panic attacks make the sufferer feel very vulnerable as the heart races and the thoughts of either going mad or dying wash over them. BUT, actually, during a panic attack a sufferer is at their strongest, their fastest and their most prepared for danger.

Panic attacks develop because adrenalin, the hormone responsible for the fight or fight response to potential threats, is released into the blood stream. This hormone is very useful if and when, it is required appropriately, but, when adrenalin is released during an anxiety disorder, there is no 'real' threat present, so it is not used up by either running from or fighting the threat.

This build up of Adrenalin causes the heart to race, the breathing to quicken and the digestive system to slow down; these systems then produce unpleasant symptoms like dizziness, sweating, palpitations, shortness of breath and many other physical sensations. The sufferer also starts to experience anxious thought patterns... 'what if' thoughts which can make them feel like they are losing their mind. Often these thoughts ask:

What if I kill X
What if I harm my kids
What if I jump off X
What if I pick up this knife and X
What if I am gay?
What if I do X to Y?

The list of inappropriate thoughts fuelled by the flight or fight response is long… but we have heard every single thought from our clients, believe me!

After a while, adrenalin is used up by the body and symptoms start to reduce, but the next panic attack develops faster the next time, as the benchmark anxiety level has been ‘pushed up another notch’. The fear of the next panic attack causes the sufferer to enter into a cycle of fear and anxiety which is hard to break.

Or is it?

The anxiety control center in the brain produces these ‘what if’ thoughts as a way of detecting danger. It sends out messages to the sensory organs (nose, ears, mouth, skin, eyes) to send back data about your environment in order to assess any risk. Of course, in anxiety disorders, there is no REAL risk present to be frightened of, but the sensory organs detect the anxiety symptoms in your body… this data is fed back to the anxiety control center of the brain and THESE SYMPTOMS are assessed as risk.

This causes the anxiety control center to react with adrenalin release, which causes more symptoms… these are interpreted as risk and the cycle continues!

In essence, you are scaring yourself!

There are three types of panic attacks (anxiety attacks), they are:

Spontaneous Panic Attacks
Spontaneous panic attacks happen without warning and are not associated to any external catalysts. Spontaneous panic attacks are unpredictable and can vary in intensity and usually result in the sufferer developing agoraphobia and limiting their geographic movements.

Specific Panic Attacks
Specific panic attacks happen when the sufferer is exposed to something which they know always causes them to panic. For example, some people may panic in a crowded place or when they see a dog or any other phobic catalyst. Specific panic attacks can also cause the sufferer to withdraw and even develop agoraphobia as a coping mechanism to prevent exposure to the things they fear.

Situational Panic Attacks
Situational panic attacks happen more if the sufferer is agoraphobic. Agoraphobia causes the sufferer to fear public places, crowds or even traveling away from a place or person of security, so it is easy to see why situational panic attacks occur mostly amongst agoraphobia sufferers.

Situational panic attacks happen more frequently on planes, on buses, in elevators and in cars than anywhere else.

Panic Attack Symptoms

Panic attacks may present both physical and psychological symptoms, including:

* Disturbed thoughts

* Feelings of impending doom

* Shortness of breath

* Chest pains

* Stomach cramps or diarrhea

* Racing heart

* Dizziness or faintness

* Tingling in the extremities

* Muscle pains

* Sweating

* and many others...

In fact, the anxiety symptoms list can be very long indeed for most. The symptoms above form the core or most commonly reported symptoms.

It is important to bear in mind that every one of us is built physiologically differently so these panic attack symptoms aren't going to be the same for every individual.

After the peak of the panic attack has subsided, the sufferer can be left feeling weak, tired, confused, emotional and achy. It is very important to understand that panic attack symptoms and adrenalin release, give the body a workout, like running or going to the gym. The aches and pains are inevitable side effects!

Actually, your heart is being strengthened by panic attack symptoms; the heart is a muscle and like any other muscle in your body, the exercise is good for it!

So, what is the solution to panic attacks?

OK, THIS IS VITAL:
The ONLY way to eliminate an anxiety disorder is to reverse its formation! There is NO OTHER solution. Every single recovered anxiety sufferer in the world has done exactly this.

Medication and therapy are not the solution!

In ancient times, do you think people had therapists and medication for anxiety? No, of course not... so how did they recover?

They became anxiety free by replicating a natural process that adjusts the anxiety levels back to normal!

By mimicking the exact same process that all recovered anxiety sufferers have followed to become anxiety free, you can completely and permanently eliminate anxiety disorders!

How do I know? Because I have proven this over 125,000 times with anxious clients from around the world AND I have done it myself!

FACT - By sending an ‘I’m safe’ message back to the anxiety control center, you can ERASE your anxiety disorder quickly and permanently!

Whether you have been diagnosed with anxiety, panic, stress or depression, my program makes stopping panic attacks and all of the associated symptoms very simple indeed. Because panic attacks are caused by an inappropriate anxiety reaction caused by artificially increased anxiety levels and an over production of adrenalin, by reversing the formation of the high anxiety, you can completely it.

"When I discovered how I could actually reverse what I had done to develop panic attacks in the first place, my world changed. I literally switched them off. I have described and explained this same technique tens of thousands of times to my clients from around the world and as soon as they 'get it', their panic attacks stop too!

The Linden Method provides a structured program which will show you exactly what you must do to achieve total panic attacks elimination. Used by tens of thousands of recovered sufferers, The Linden Method outlines the exact route taken by every recovered anxiety and panic attack sufferer – all I do, is make the whole process as simple, structured and direct as possible by providing you with a 'roadmap to wellness'.

Through helping so many thousands of clients and initially curing my own anxiety using this process, I developed a program which is acknowledged to be THE solution to anxiety, panic attacks, OCD and phobias by doctors and psychologists world over; and it used in private practice and by government health organizations and clinics world over.

I hope you allow us the opportunity to help you to recover fully using my Method.

I GUARANTEE anxiety and panic attacks elimination
I GUARANTEE your recovery

All we need is the opportunity to lead you to complete freedom from panic and anxiety.

"Panic attacks are simply accentuated versions of natural bodily reactions; remember, they CAN NOT harm you in any way. I will show you how panic attacks, phobias and all your fearful sensations and emotions can be erased."

Charles Linden

Link from article: http://www.panic-anxiety.com/ultimate-guide/

Author's Bio
Apart from providing support and counselling to anxiety sufferers through 'The Linden Method', I also work in private practice with anxiety disorder sufferers through The Linden Centers.

My 'Method' took seven years to develop and is now, not only, becoming recognised as THE drug free solution to anxiety disorders by government bodies, but is also receiving referrals from psychologists, doctors, psychiatrists, health authorities, insurance companies and other organisations from around the world.

I am also a regular contributor to printed publications such as Natural Health, Women, Women's Own, Pick Me Up, About.com, Top Santé, OK magazine and anxiety disorder websites. I contribute to BBC radio and I am also chairman of the International Association of Anxiety Management.

Additional Resources covering Panic Attacks can be found at:

Charles Linden, the Official Guide to Panic Attacks
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Panic_Attacks_-_The_Truth_The_Lies.html

Why to stop smoking?

2009-07-22T17:09:00.000-07:00

Smoking can have deadly impact on the smoker and so it is essential to stop smoking . Smokers are vulnerable to about 600 kinds of cancers, including lung cancer and so it is necessary to stop smoking as soon as possible. Smokers can increase savings by quitting smoking because the rates of cigarettes are going sky high these days. One can enjoy the pleasure of living longer and enjoying special relations such as grandchildren by stopping smoking. Smokers can boost up their sexual performance by stopping smoking.

Smoking can cause wrinkles on the face of smokers and can make the smoker look frustrated and tensed. Stopping smoking can improve the face value and personality of the smokers. One can boost up confidence level by stopping smoking as getting out of an addiction is the toughest task and it requires stronger will power. If a chain smoker person can stop smoking then he/she can combat any other hardship of life. One can lead a truthful life after stopping smoking and the ex-smokers need not lie from their family for smoking.

Smoking can lead to bad breath and so one should opt for other alternatives over smoking. Smokers can chew cinnamon sticks or chewing gums whenever they crave for smoking. One can notice increased body stamina after quitting smoking and can exercise for longer duration. Quitting smoking habit can make the ex-smokers to enjoy with their pets such as cats who can incur emphysema by the smoke of cigarette. Quitting smoking can make the ex-smokers to cough less.

Smoking can lead to yellow teeth which look bad when a person is talking or smiling. The topmost reason for stopping smoking is that it can lead to respiratory diseases such as asthma to those who live with smokers especially children. Smokers are vulnerable to breathing troubles which can lead them in a situation where they have to inhale by the means of a nasal tube.

Chain smokers usually get nicotine fits and by flushing off the nicotine from the body, smokers can start a new healthy life. Nicotine in the body can severely harm the unborn child of pregnant ladies and so they should stop smoking as early as possible. Nicotine can lead to infant death syndrome by which the fetus can die before birth. Smokers can enjoy improved metabolism and digestive functioning by the stopping smoking. One can also make the environment pollution free by stopping smoking.

By: michaelrussell56

The author of the article is Michael Russel providing information on the types of cancer that can be prevented by those who stop smoking. He also guides chain smokers on tips and techniques on how to stop smoking.

Words Cast Spells: The Power of Reframing and Renaming

2009-07-18T07:04:00.000-07:00

My path-ology report came back and showed that my nodes were clear. However, the cancer was more aggressive than they first thought and it had penetrated into two thirds of the uterine wall (making it Stage 1C, Grade 3). The doctor said there is a 25% risk of recurrence. I asked him,”Since I don’t have a uterus anymore, where would the cancer go?” He said, “Anywhere.”

That scared me; an image came to mind of marauding terrorist cells that had eluded the doctor’s scalpel and were cunningly roaming my body, looking for a place to set up camp and wreak more havoc.

Then I quickly reframed that. I can see how the increased risk is perfect - it keeps me awake, on my toes, bright eyed, bushy tailed, and motivated to continue with the healing life changes I have made: the vibrant diet, daily meditation, deep breathing, and enjoying my moment-to-moment game of TAG – Trust, Acceptance, and Gratitude. (TAG, I’m it – I choose what I want to focus on and generate.)

I am aware that words and images shape and color our world, they mold it like play doh. “Words cast spells, that’s why they call it spelling.” How we think of things and picture them creates a cellular response in our bodies. It is self-hypnosis. When hypnotized, our body can raise a blister if we’re touched with an ice cube and told that it’s a blazing hot coal.

Our thoughts can create heaven or hell, depending on where we’re choosing to dwell. These thoughts create feelings of well-being, or of being stuck in a well. They also create chemicals in our body, such as feel-good endorphins, or the stress hormone cortisol. We literally are walking laboratories, and our thoughts are the chemists.

Words and images also impact our immune system and ability to heal. A friend of Tom’s told him that she had cancer a few years ago and was in two cancer support groups. There were people in the groups who had an attitude of being at war and battling their cancer. Other people had an attitude of wanting to learn and grow and explore what their cancer brought up for them. In her experience, those were the people who tended to survive, while the ones who were at war did not.

Someone told me that they don’t use the word cancer, instead they call it aberrant cells. I’ve been playing with other names like waker uppers, I openers, shadows, fungi (some people believe that cancer is a fungus). How about fun guy? There’s a woman who calls hers crazy, sexy cancer (and wrote a book with that title).

My Cancer experience has opened my eyes big time in so many ways - therefore, I have decided to call it The Big See! I See the world with new eyes, big bright baby eyes. I See that I have more courage than I thought. I See the love of friends and family. I See that my life is purposeful and things happen for a reason. I See that life is finite and spirit is infinite. I See that it’s all about love.

I invite all of you as you go through your day today to eavesdrop on yourselves. What thoughts are you dwelling on? What chemicals are you cooking up in your body lab? What is ready to be reframed and renamed in your life?

Author's Bio
Jan Jacobsen has been on a 35-year learning journey. She has completed a 2-year training in Hakomi, a mind/body approach which advocates that healing happens when we bring loving presence to what is. She has also apprenticed for two years with Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks (authors of Conscious Loving), learning skills to make love real and fun. Her thriving relationship with her husband Tom is a testament to the effectiveness and value of those skills.

Jan recently got a diagnosis of The Big SEE, quit her job and decided to write, which she does with authority, passion, humor, and great insights.
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Words_Cast_Spells_The_Power_of_Reframing_and_Renaming.html

3 Flirting Body Language Signs of Attraction

2009-07-17T23:59:00.000-07:00

During pre-historic times, humans already have a way of applying flirting body language to show the opposite sex that they like what they see. Of course, we were a bit more frank then, and the codes were easier to decipher. Nowadays, we have already learned the art of subtlety, which makes the whole thing more challenging and exciting.

Over the years, man’s flirting body language has evolved into something more mysterious. We have even forgotten our ancestors’ direct-to-the-point ways - only using those skills on a purely unconscious level. Below are some examples to help you along.

Flirting Body Language # 1: The Hand That Feeds You

Some people like to flirt with others by feeding them fruit or a bit of cake from their own hand or utensil. Usually, this practice is done by lovers. However, more guys and girls are now starting to adopt the sweet gesture and use it to their advantage.

Of course, this flirting body language sign of attraction can also backfire. For one, it can surprise them if they are suddenly being offered the spoon. Such instances can result in awkwardness. If you find yourself unable to eat from the other person’s fork, simply take the utensil for yourself to avoid embarrassment.

Flirting Body Language # 2: Preening Material

When a woman leans in close to fix a man’s tie, there is a high probability that she is flirting with him. This flirting body language sign of attraction implies that she wants that man to look his best and that she wants to do that for him alone - to nurture and protect him.

Men also have their own version of the tie-fixing action. Notice that they often tuck a few stray strands of a woman’s hair behind her ear or simply let their fingers glide through them.

Flirting Body Language # 3: Goodnight Kiss

Friends or acquaintances who kiss you goodnight could also be a flirting body language sign of attraction. These people would like to know you better and would like to step over their usual boundaries.

It could be a light peck on the cheek or perhaps even a kiss on your hand. While guys tend to be more daring, girls are also stealing their share of kisses as well.

Flirting body language has certainly developed over the years - and not surprisingly so. After all, man has evolved from convening in caves to meeting up in bars and parties. It’s time for you to open your eyes and look to the future as well.

Author's Bio
Discover how to easily captivate the opposite sex with secret flirting body language tricks and conversational hypnosis techniques. Grab your FREE course that reveals 10 groundbreaking persuasion secrets at 20daypersuasion.com/secrets.htm
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/3_Flirting_Body_Language_Signs_of_Attraction.html

10 Texting Rules for Dating Singles – Texting Guidelines and Dating Etiquette

2009-07-17T09:27:00.000-07:00

I believe the growing preference for texting has a lot to do with its impersonal nature. It’s much easier to launch a new relationship by exchanging texts than it is to talk. It’s also very easy to say and do things over a screen that one would never have the nerve to do face to face (or say ear to ear). That would make things easier I suppose, but it also creates new problems. A large part of communication is non-verbal. When texting, the other party cannot receive those fine nuances of communication such as tone of voice, held back giggles, excited breathing, or body language that demonstrates anxiety, happiness or growing irritation.

Texting it seems, is here to stay, but there needs to be some rules in place. After listening to dozens of complaints from friends, coworkers, and family about their relationships and texting, I came up with "10 Texting Rules For Dating Singles."

#1 Do Share Updates or Ask for Simple Instructions. On your way but missed your train? Texting to update your date on your revised arrival time is a considerate thing to do. On your way to the store and can’t remember what you are supposed to pick up for dinner at her place? Receiving a texted shopping list can be a life and relationship saver! Had a great first date? Texting the day after to say, "Wow, I had a really great time with you!" is a low key, no pressure way to express appreciation for someone’s time.

#2 Never Text While on a Date. You’d think everyone would know this already, but I guess common sense ain’t real common! Texting while in a face-to-face conversation is just as rude as blabbing away on a call. If you’re on a date and you want to see that person again, don’t sit there texting (or Twittering) the whole time, or part of the time, or even at all. That includes your best friend trying to sneakily find out how things are going, the Masters of Electronically Transmitted Whining (the kids), or an angry ex who saw you and your date in the restaurant parking lot. Manners and courtesy must reign supreme.

#3 Texts Should Never Replace Real Conversation. Texting is only for transmitting unimportant information or short and simple messages, not an in-depth conversation. More than four texts in a row… it’s time to pick up the phone. Middle aged fingers and hands cramp easily, okay!? Oh, and if you notice that you are having most of your relationship via texting, you need to move things along to the face to face level or just end it.

#4 Does Anyone Care But You? Do not send text after text describing your every move, every conversation, or every thought. The fact that your coworker was late for the 10th time this month is of no importance to anyone but you. Get it? Unless what you are texting involves the recipient in some manner, and is very urgent (or at least a funny joke to break up our day), then don’t send a text.

#5 Do Not Send Compromising Photos. Are people these days crazy? What in the world is going on with this "sexting" stuff? Why would females send pictures of naked body parts (including their genitalia) over cell phones? Young ladies, not only is such behavior classless, it’s ridiculously dangerous. And if the sender or receiver of a sexually oriented text is a minor, it’s also illegal. The long-term repercussions of this type of loose attitude about one’s body has concerned me for a long time. Women are likely to be humiliated to discover that they are the brunt of jokes, as guys will often share the sexy texts they get from random women with their buddies and have a good laugh.

#6 If You’ve Been Drinking, Back Away From the Keypad! People will say and do things with firewater in their systems that they would NEVER do if sober. What types of things have I heard you ask? Sexual invitations to people known to have no interest, fights from months ago renewed with vigor due to unresolved anger, personal questions asked and personal information volunteered in a straight bonehead move. Though alcohol doesn’t put ideas into our heads, a little booze definitely relaxes the constraints we have in place on our mouths and evidently our fingers.

#7 Don’t Expect Instant Gratification. Do not get upset if you don’t get a reply back within seconds of sending a text. People over the age of 25 usually have full-time jobs, families, and things to do that involve their hands, including cooking, typing, and driving. They’ll return your communication with a text or a phone call when they can. One should also remember that technology is great, but not perfect. I’ve sent texts that didn’t arrive at their destination for 45 minutes to several hours! I’ve also had the same problem with receiving transmissions sent to me by others.

#8 Always Be Aware of Your "Tone of Voice" and Communication Style. It’s difficult to discern the sender’s tone in text messages, just as it is in e-mail. What may be meant as humorous sarcasm, or a completely innocuous message to you may be easily misinterpreted by the recipient of your text. Such miscommunication can cause hurt feelings and unnecessary tension, and require an unbelievable amount of apologizing and explaining to fix. In some instances it will cost you the relationship. Watch the shorthand and acronyms as well. Not everyone is up on the textn lingo neway, and yr msg may leave sum1 scratching their head in confusion sayn L8tr4u vs ROFLMBAO.

#9 Asking for Dates by Text is a No-No. Texting to set-up a date is bogus! Have the courage to speak up and risk rejection like a big boy or girl. Yeah, I know you’re a recent returnee to the dating scene, talking to someone you don’t know well feels awkward, and asking for a date when you might hear "no!" is scary. But one of the top qualities singles seek is a confident partner that goes after what he or she wants. Confident, secure people have an air about them that is very sexy… passive, hesitant, insecure people do not.

#10 Do Not Break It Off By Text. Neither do you use Twitter, Facebook, AIM, My Space, MSN messenger, email or fax. Use of any form of informal, emotionally disconnected electronic communication to dump someone is chickenshit. Not only is it immature, it’s just plain rude. If you opt to treat other people in such a way, don’t be surprised when your text is put on blast and ends up on Twitter, Facebook, My Space and every message forum in the world. Be an adult whydontcha, and tell people via phone (at least) that you two are not a match and you’re moving on.

Text messaging isn't necessarily a tool of the devil, but there can be quite a bit of misinterpretation and miscommunication if not used correctly. Texting is a great way to stay connected to someone you are madly in love with, and a useful tool to touch base with casual or new dating partners. However, texting is not and never will be a replacement for a heart-felt telephone conversation full of sighs and laughter.

Author's Bio
(c)2009 Deborrah Cooper. Deborrah has written dozens of articles on dating and relationships, and served as the resident advice columnist on AskHeartBeat! (www.askheartbeat.com) since 1997. She is also the author of the hilarious dating guide "Sucka Free Love! How to Avoid Dating The Dumb, The Deceitful, The Dastardly, The Dysfunctional & The Deranged!", and blogs regularly on topics of interest to single adults 35 and over on Living The Single Life: Surviving Dating at http://www.survivingdating.com.

This article may be reposted on your blog or website with full bio information and links as set out above. Please trackback to http://survivingdating.com/?p=291
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/10_texting_rules_for_dating_singles_%E2%80%93_texting_guidelines_and_dating_etiquette.html

Hugs...The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

2009-07-15T13:43:00.000-07:00

We all have crushes. Sometimes they are innocent...like when you're in 3rd Grade. And sometimes they are not as innocent...like when you're married and lust for another. Can you relate?

In my book Yeah Dave's Guide to Livin' the Moment (which launched today--March 17), there's a chapter sharing a fool-proof way to determine if the other person reciprocates your crush. The video above this text (also seen by clicking here) is based on that chapter and teaches how to decipher the body language of a hug.

So the next time you have a crush, keep it simple. Let a good hug be your saving grace. What you can never tell from another's face, you can tell from their embrace.

By David Romanelli (www.yeahdave.com)

I invite you to check out my book and get a taste for some lighthearted fun + feel-good inspiration in these dark times. Think irreverent humor (aka Saturday Night Live) fused with heartfelt insight (aka Eckhart Tolle) mixed with a touch of Cheech and Chong..

Author's Bio
Intent.com
Intent.com is a premier wellness site and supportive social network where like-minded individuals can connect and support each others' intentions. Founded by Deepak Chopra's daughter Mallika Chopra, Intent.com aims to be the most trusted and comprehensive wellness destination featuring a supportive community of members, blogs from top wellness experts and curated online content relating to Personal, Social, Global and Spiritual wellness.
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/hugsthe_good_bad_and_ugly.html

Powerful smoking alternatives

2009-07-13T17:52:00.000-07:00

Electronic cigarette is the best smoking alternative . One can purchase these cigarettes from a nearby electronic store at almost the rates similar or lower to real cigarettes. One of the most alluring features of electronic cigarettes is that they can be reused by recharging their battery with the charger attached with them. These cigarettes are cent percent smoke free and prevent the environment from getting polluted. The smoke free cigarettes are growing exclusively popular among chain smokers who are unable to resist the cravings of a cigarette. These cigarettes exclude ill health effects and are absolutely a safe way to kick out smoking from the life.

Rigorous exercising is another powerful alternative to smoking. Smokers can change their exercise schedule and can go for a brisk walk in the morning time instead of having cigarettes after the morning breakfast. Most of the men are used to smoking after having dinner and it can be a better option to go for a stroll with children after having dinner as children can make men too engaged to smoke. Oat extracts are other powerful alternative to fight smoking habit as these extracts are prescribed by herbalists to get rid of smoking habits. Chewing gums are the best means to engage mouth thereby reducing the cravings of cigarette.

Opting for cinnamon tea is also the best means available to fight smoking. Smokers should drink at least two three liters of water daily as it can help them to flush away the harmful extracts such as nicotine from the body. The cravings for cigarette will automatically decrease after the nicotine level in the body becomes nil. One can opt for passion games, such as tennis or computer games at the time when the craving for cigarettes becomes irresistible. Yoga exercises, such as deep breathing can be highly effective alternatives for combating smoking. Brisk walking twice a day preferably in early morning and at late evening can also help the smoker get rid of smoking addiction.

Conversation is an effective smoking alternative and the smokers are advised to engage themselves in an online or telephone conversation whenever they develop craving for cigarettes. Most of the people smoke because of tension in personal and professional life but one must understand that talking and sharing stress with a loved one is much more relieving than smoking at the time of stressful situation. Smokers are advised to opt for alternatives, such as playing with pet, washing up the car, cleaning the cupboard, taking nap, lighting up candles and any and every thing that can give you pleasure while keeping you busy.

By: michaelrussell56

The author of this article dealing with smoking alternative is Michael Russell. He has complete knowledge of the best smoking substitutes that can help the smokers quit smoking. The author has acquired complete expertise and experience that can help smokers to quit smoking and live a healthy life.

Gay Dating - Top 10 Excuses For Ditching Your Date

2009-07-13T08:22:00.000-07:00

Top Ten Excuses For Getting Out Of A Date

Here are some wonderful excuses for dumping the bloke of your nightmares .. use all 10 if you have to.

10. I cant i'm washing my wig.

9. The dog has been suffering from the cold and I really think we both need to spend some quality time alone.

8. I'm off to work abroad on thursday but I`ll be back in eight decades, why don't I text you then.

7. My friend is going to be on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" and I'm her phone a friend and you know what the programmes are like, they could call at any time.

6. I have work commitments for the following 2 months but I will give you a email at the end of it.

5. My daughter is coming to stay for a few weeks so don't call me I'll call you. Our gay dating can wait

4. I think I'm coming down with the flu, and I don't want to give it to you.

3. Sorry I dont think we are a match

2. No way I would rather kiss my mum

1. I don't think I'm ready for dating just yet.

By: Martyn White

Fundamentals of a Successful Relationship: A Marriage Counselors’ Perspective

2009-07-11T09:53:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered how ‘that couple’ stayed together all those years? What is it they are doing right? What are the things that contribute to the success of healthy long term relationships? There are a few fundamental things that will improve the chances of a relationships success. Those things include; 1) fighting fairly, 2) healthy communication, 3) similar core values/desires, 4) willingness to compromise, 5) expressing your love and appreciating each other, and most importantly, 6) mutual commitment.

1) Fighting Fairly
To begin, one must understand one of the most basic rules of getting along with others. Every relationship has arguments; they are a natural part of all relationships. But how you choose to engage in those arguments is a key factor in whether your relationship will withstand the test of time. You and your relationships benefit tremendously if you learn how to “fight fairly”. What does it mean to fight fairly?

If you are the type to pull punches below the belt, name calling, screaming or using a threatening tone, bringing in another person for their opinion, drudging up past history or slipping in that sarcastic comment just because you know it will hurt the other person than you are not fighting fairly. Some behaviors or interpersonal patterns must be decidedly eliminated from your relationships if you wish to have a healthier relationship.

Fighting fairly includes, taking time out if you need time to cool off before discussing issues with your significant other. It also entails healthy communication, willingness to compromise, and discussing items of conflict without withdrawing physically or shutting down emotionally. Can you touch your significant others hand when your discussing something where you feel conflict? Or do you pull yourself away the minute a conflict arises.

2) Healthy Communication
Avoid absolute language like “always” and “never”. It means using “I” statements that describe your feelings instead of “you” statements that often make the other person feel attacked.

For example, instead of saying to your significant other, “you always come home late, you never think about me?”, you could say, “I feel worried (fill in your feeling) when you (fill in your significant others behavior as objectively as you can) come home late without calling and I would like you to (what do you want or need) call if you are going to be late.” It is important to understand that we must express what we need and take a look at our expectations to see if they are reasonable and fair. If expectations are continually not met than something is not working in the area of compromise or your core values/desires are significantly different and outside help may be needed.

3) Similar Core Values/Desires
A critical component to a successful relationship is determining if you and your significant other have similar core values and desires. If you want kids and your honey doesn’t have the slightest interest in children you want to find this out early. If one of you wants to live in the city and one of you wants to live in the country and neither of you is willing to compromise this match may not be made in heaven. If you believe in undying honesty and your significant other thinks lying is acceptable behavior you may be dealing with some of the more critical “deal breakers”.

It is important to clarify the big issues and identify if there are any core values or desires that are vastly different and can’t be worked through. If you go into the relationship seeing these red flags and think “I’ll deal with it later” it is a recipe for disaster. By definition a “deal breaker” is something you believe you absolutely must have in your relationship to be happy. Each person has to figure out what their deal breakers are before they can actively decide if a relationship will work or not. It is mostly about knowing what you want in life and in your relationships.

Some other topics to consider when evaluating core values and desires are to look at how each of your view and feel about the following topics such as; money, raising children, sex or sexual issues, division of labor/chores, how you like to spend your off time, monogamy, friendship, commitment, trust, substance use or abuse, anger management and styles of handling anger, and most of all do you both believe in or want a long term relationship.

4) Willingness to Compromise
There are many times where compromise plays a significant role in a successful relationship. If you want one thing and your significant other wants something else, there are times when you both could benefit the relationship by meeting the need of your significant other. It is important to ask yourself, is this something I can compromise on?

The way you choose to think about your chosen compromises can help or hinder the relationship. If you choose resignation “Ugh, I have to go to this party because my significant other wants to” versus acceptance “I am choosing to go with my significant other to this party because it is important to him or her”. Just by virtue of choosing the way you frame the thought, you are influencing your feelings about the situation. Many of the perceived deal breakers may not be deal breakers at all if you have good communication with your significant other and can talk things out throughout the relationship you may find very amicable solutions to your differences.

One of the biggest questions you must ask yourselves when you are in relationship, is it more important to be right or happy? Sometimes it can be as easy as letting go of the need to the one in the relationship who is “right”. One question to consider when deciding if you are willing to compromise on an issue is, “will this matter to me in five years”, if you find the answer is no it maybe easier to find your way to compromising in that scenario.

5) Expressing Your Love and Appreciating Each Other
The research suggests that couples that demonstrate their affection and love towards one another are more successful. Particularly appropriate when they can demonstrate affection and maintain a positive connection to their significant other when in the middle of conflict. This is much easier said than done, but it can be learned and it is definitely worth attempting to incorporate into your work towards being a successful couple.

Focus on what you love about each other. Catch your significant other doing things that you appreciate and let them know how much you appreciate those things. Find special moments in the day to share your love and appreciation with one another and you will find you continue to discover more to love and appreciate. It is important you remember what it was that attracted you to each other talk about those things that you find loveable, kind, warm, fun, sexy and attractive. When you are feeling a momentary lack of love, do something kind for your significant other getting out of your own head and into being of service. A little bit of gratitude goes a very long way. If you sneak a peek at your honey doing something you really love, tell them! Express gratitude in every way possible.

6) Mutual Commitment
This one is simple yet the most important; you both must be committed to the relationship and the work it takes to maintain a health functional relationship. Relationships may only be ‘easy’ in the ‘honeymoon period’ when both parties are on their absolute best behavior, there is tons of mystery and you are still both really getting to know one another. When that period wears off, whether it takes two months or three years that is when you really get to see if you both have what it takes to make this relationship work for the long term. You may trade the butterflies of the unknown for a shared beautiful history when you are in a long term relationship but with mutual commitment the feelings ebb and flow and the hard work it takes to maintain the relationship makes it all worthwhile.

If one of these essential components is missing from your relationship but you have mutual commitment than there is still hope. Seek a qualified counselor to assist you with the other areas covered above. It is often a great tool to have an objective qualified therapist who can reflect back and assist both of you in the process of navigating the road to long term commitment.

It is my experience in counseling couples that no situation is hopeless if both people are willing to do the work necessary to make changes to work through the issues that arise in the relationship, even some of the seemingly large ‘deal breakers’. It is my wish that you all have beautiful, fulfilling, love filled relationships in your lives.

Author's Bio
Allison is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in individual, couples and family therapy, and maintains a private practice in Pasadena & Monrovia, California.

With over five years experience as a therapist, and a graduate of Phillips Graduate Institute specializing in working with Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgendered issues, anxiety, depression, codependency, and grief & loss, she is currently serving as a private practitioner working with a broad spectrum of clients.

Allison is an interactive, humanistic, solution-focused therapist. Her therapeutic approach is to provide support and practical feedback to help clients effectively address personal life challenges. She integrates complimentary methodologies and techniques to offer a highly personalized approach tailored to each client. With compassion and understanding, she works with each individual to help them build on their strengths and attain the personal growth they’re striving for in their lives.

Education
Master's Degree in Psychology -MFT
License, Certifications & Awards
License Number MFT 46004
Pupil Personnel Services Credential
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Fundamentals_of_a_Successful_Relationship_A_Marriage_Counselors_Perspective.html

Step by Step, Breath by Breath - Courage

2009-07-11T08:58:00.000-07:00

I walked into the hospital on Monday morning for my surgery trembling like a dog walking into the vets. I put one foot in front of the other, one step at a time, one breath at a time, and I got through it!

I’ve always been afraid of hospitals and the idea of surgery. In the past I thought if I had to choose between hospitalization and death, I would choose death. I didn’t think I had it in me to be able to handle it. But I am handling it. I am braver than I thought!

Cancer has been one of my worst fears. Over the years I’ve performed all kinds of anti-cancer rituals (taking vitamin D, wearing sunscreen, eating broccoli, etc.), trying to keep it at bay. It’s like I’ve been tiptoeing around a sleeping beast, trying not to wake it. Yet despite my best efforts, the beast awakened.

A friend told me about someone she knew who had taken great care of his body, mind, and spirit; yet still he had a heart attack. He was sure it was a mistake and said, “Somewhere, there’s a guy sitting in front of a TV watching wrestling, clutching a beer, with Cheetos dust floating down onto his big belly…. and I HAD HIS HEART ATTACK!” We humans are so funny! We actually think we can control these things!

In early childhood I had a recurring dream: I was walking into a field with other kids and they wanted to walk into the woods at the edge of the field. I was afraid of the big bad wolf in the woods, so I didn’t go with them. I lay down on a picnic table in the open field by myself and thought that I was safe; but when I opened my eyes, the wolf was there, right next to me, staring at me with sparkling flinty eyes! Even as a young child I was struck by the irony of it.

One way I’ve tried to keep the wolf from my door is by very carefully avoiding x-rays, not even wanting digital dental x-rays. When I had appendicitis a few months ago I was given a CT scan which has 500 times more radiation than a normal x-ray! That wolf has a way of finding me no matter what I do! I’ve finally come to a place where I give up; I surrender; I throw up my hands; I let go of trying to control everything; I stop running.

I lay on my hospital bed pre-op, and in a field of awareness, I took slow deep breaths and faced the wolf. I got up close and curious about it’s sharp teeth and claws. I looked into its flinty eyes…and I discovered…it is Fear in wolf’s clothing! What I’ve feared is the biting discomfort of my throat clutching, heart pounding, gut wrenching fear. FDR was right, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself.” The Fear of the cancer feels so much worse than the cancer itself.

I am facing my fear, sitting with it, keeping it company, holding its hand, feeling compassion, allowing it to be here. I’ve heard two acronyms for FEAR: one is Feel Everything And Recover. The other is F__k Everything And Run!

These are the different agendas of our ego and our spirit. Ego wants to run for the hills and be safe. Spirit wants to fly like an eagle as high as it can go, fully experiencing life, including fear. When challenges befall me, my ego wails in a Mr. Bill whine, “Oh Noooooo. Not another learning opportunity!” My spirit says, “Oh Yeah! Another opportunity to grow! Bring it onnnnn!”

My ego moans, “We are in deep doodoo!” My spirit exalts, “Rich soil!” Ego scolds, “Now we’ve gone and done it – our fear has drawn the cancer to us!” Spirit exclaims, “Cool, cancer! It will help us come face to face with fear, feel it fully, and make friends with it!” Who knows what our souls are up to; there’s so much more going on than meets the eye - We are so much more.

When faced with the thing I most feared, I’m finding that I have more courage than I ever dreamed possible. My mind has been telling me that I’m “the biggest scaredy cat in the world.” What I’m actually discovering is that I am someone who has the courage to be present with my worst fears, one breath at a time, one trembling foot in front of the other. Hand in hand with my Compassionate Witness, I am doing this! And if I can do this, anyone can!

We have more courage and spirit than we know. When we are tested, we somehow find the strength to soar with the eagles; no longer circling the drain, we circle the sky!

The View from My Hospital Bed

It is midnight.

I am inwardly moaning and complaining about

the moaning, complaining woman next to me

who is keeping me awake.

I want to feel compassion.

And…I want to throttle her.

I ask the nurse, “Is there a quieter room?”

“No.”

There is no escape.

How perfect - I am reading the book, “The Wisdom of No Escape”

about compassion and surrendering to what is.

I surrender.

I cry.

My roomie and I cry together.

I ask about her and she tells me her story.

Her daughter died 4 months ago, which shattered her heart.

Ten days ago she crashed her car into a tree, which shattered her body.

“I am in so much pain,” she cries.

I want to hug her.

I want to hold her hand.

How perfect that she is my roommate.

She is reminding me about compassion.

I fall asleep sending her love on my out breaths.

This morning I watched the sun rise

over the mountains.

How wonderful to have this view

from my hospital bed.

Author's Bio
Jan Jacobsen has been on a 35-year learning journey. She has completed a 2-year training in Hakomi, a mind/body approach which advocates that healing happens when we bring loving presence to what is. She has also apprenticed for two years with Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks (authors of Conscious Loving), learning skills that help love be real and fun. Her thriving relationship with her husband Tom is a testament to the effectiveness and value of those skills.
Jan recently got a diagnosis of cancer, which inspired her to quit her job and focus on doing the writing she always said she would do one day. She writes with passion, purpose and playfulness.
Her newsletters are available at http://Enlightenink.com
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Step_by_Step_Breath_by_Breath_-_Courage.html

Exercise the Penis to Increase the Size of a Penis

2009-07-10T17:01:00.000-07:00

Exercises performed on the penis for enlargement purposes date back thousands of years ago in ancient records. It is only a recent involvement in studies and patient trials that penis exercises have been proven to effectively make the penis larger in length and width. Through these same studies, the penis exercises not only created a male enlargement effect but also provided further benefits too.

Sometimes called male enhancement exercises, manifest benefits such as a longer and thicker penis, making the penis harder during an erection and having the stamina for longer use of an erection, a raise in the levels of sperm contained in an ejaculation, enhances sexual control and performance. These benefits to penis exercises can give other benefits in other areas of you life as well. Gain confidence and esteem knowing how you can perform with your sexual partner and the ability to pleasure in bed all the better with a tool that is above average and long-lasting. Following penis exercise programs can accomplish of of this.

How is it that penis exercises can make all this happen? Simply put, the penis is a muscle and when you work a muscle it gets stronger and bigger. Depending on the exercise performed, the penile tissues will react accordingly and through increased blood flow, will expand and make room for more blood circulating, therefore building strength and size.

In a more slightly more detailed manner, here is how specific exercises perform to give results:

* Kegel Exercise

The focus of these exercises are not on the penis but instead work the muscle found at the base of the penis which are called the pubococcygeus muscle. Working this muscle is reported to impede erection which results in a longer period of erection ability.

* Penis Stretching Exercise

Increased length and girth will result from stretching the penis' inside tissues. By stretching the tissues, this forces the cells to expand and multiply taking up more room within the penile walls and creates growth everywhere. The stretching exercises carried out on a penis can be done through various types, but the end result will all be the same.

* Jelqing Exercise

This is most likely the oldest of penis exercises performed today and possibly the most well known. This penis enhancement method dates back to nomadic tribes of Arabia. This exercise technique works to fill the Corpora Covernosa with increased amounts of blood through a "milking" motion applied to the penis. For those that are not aware, the Corpora Covernosa is the section in the penis that becomes enlarged during erections due to blood filling it up. Practicing the "milking" technique regularly will continue to increase the amount of blood held within the penis and the penis will grow in size to accommodate the blood flow. Increases in size will be noticed both in width and length.

All exercises should be performed regularly in order to maintain the size and ability of the penis. Look for more information on these exercises over the Internet, to ensure you are performing the exercises correctly for the most benefit and to reduce risk of injury.

Author's Bio
Learn differnt techniques of male enhancement and also read reviews of Prosolution.
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/exercise_the_penis_to_increase_the_size_of_a_penis.html

Book Review: The Success Principles: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be

2009-07-07T14:48:00.000-07:00

If there's anyone qualified to write a self-help book on success, it's Jack Canfield, who's worked his way from scraping by as a teacher to holding a Guinness world record for having seven books simultaneously on The New York Times® Best Sellers list.

As a coauthor of the Chicken Soup for the Soul® series, he's sold more than 80 million books, and now lives "in a beautiful California estate" with his days of dining on spaghetti and tomato paste long behind him. "All you have to do is decide what it is you want, believe you deserve it, and practice the principles in this book," he says, and success is yours.

His advice is straightforward (examples: "reject rejection" and "surround yourself with successful people"), but rather derivative, with quotes from the likes of JFK, Colin Powell, Aldous Huxley, and fellow motivation author Napoleon Hill.Canfield's definition of success is primarily monetary, and he includes plenty of anecdotes depicting average folks who saved themselves from the brink of bankruptcy after following his principles. He could tone down the braggadocio; readers don't need to know that he's stayed in resorts in Hawaii, Italy, Australia, and Morocco. Despite those gripes, his cheerleader-caliber enthusiasm should benefit anyone looking to improve their lot in life. --Erica Jorgensen

Product Information

Jack Canfield, cocreator of the phenomenal bestselling Chicken Soup for the Soul® series, turns to the principles he's studied, taught, and lived for more than 30 years in this practical and inspiring guide that will help any aspiring person get from where they are to where they want to be.

The Success Principles™ will teach you how to increase your confidence, tackle daily challenges, live with passion and purpose, and realize all your ambitions. Not merely a collection of good ideas, this book spells out the 64 timeless principles used by successful men and women throughout history. Taken together and practiced every day, these principles will transform your life beyond your wildest dreams!

Filled with memorable and inspiring stories of CEOs, world-class athletes, celebrities, and everyday people, The Success Principles™ will give you the proven blueprint you need to achieve any goal you desire.

To view this book on Amazon.com, click here.

Author's Bio
Jack Canfield, America's Success Coach, is the cocreator of the Chicken Soup for the Soul® series, which includes 40 New York Times bestsellers, and coauthor with Gay Hendricks of You've GOT to Read This Book! An internationally renowned corporate trainer, keynote speaker, and popular radio and TV talk show guest, he lives in Santa Barbara, California.
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/The_Success_Principles_How_to_Get_from_Where_You_Are_to_Where_You_Want_to_Be.html

Prostate Massage Can Ease Prostate Symptoms

2009-07-05T20:42:00.000-07:00

Prostate massage can ease prostate symptoms, improve the circulation of blood in the prostate, help cleanse the gland, promote bladder health, and rejuvenate sexual capabilities. It can be done as often as necessary and once prostate symptoms have gone away, once or twice a month is enough to keep the prostate healthy.

After the initial squeamish sensations of having the male prostate gland stimulated are overcome, a man can begin to enjoy the pleasurable effects and in many cases may experience highly pleasurable orgasms. As with all forms of foreplay, there should be prior buildup of intimacy between the partners and this form of pleasure cannot be rushed.

Prostate Stimulation

Prostate stimulation, also known as prostate massage, is term used to describe stimulation of male's G-spot. When done properly, self prostate stimulation can help a man to achieve explosive and mind altering multiple orgasms. While there are no shortage of advice on female's orgasm and G-spot, it is time to talk about enhancing your sexual pleasure.

Prostate stimulation is when the prostate gland is massaged and a man has an ejaculation of semen without his penis being manipulated. This can be done by yourself or with a partner. You can find out how you can start finding sensual pleasure without your penis ever being touched simply by learning how to utilize prostate stimulation.

Prostate exercising at least once a week allows you flush the system with oxygenated blood and allows peak sperm production, maintains prostrate health and generally maintains optimum performance.

Aside from the potential health benefits, prostate stimulation can for many men, lead to a prostate orgasm. A prostate orgasm is much different than a typical male orgasm in the fact that they usually are much more intense and last longer than a typical male orgasm.

Prostate Orgasm

A Prostate massage also known as self prostate milking is one of the most pleasurable activity a man can experience in his lifetime. It is not only pleasurable, but it helps maintain a healthy Prostate.

A prostate massager is specifically designed to stimulate the prostate and is very beneficial for men who dislike using their finger for the prostate massage or prostate milking or can't reach their prostate.

Prostate orgasms are much more intense and last much longer than regular penile orgasms. Also, since you don't ejaculate during prostate orgasms, your refractory period (time between erections/sex) is no longer an issue. Again, no ejaculation, no prolactin. Therefore no end to sex!

While beneficial for some individuals,prostate milking it is NOT advisable for men with acute prostatitis as a prostate milking may for allow the prostate infection to spread to other parts of the body.

About the Author:

Keeping your prostate healthy should be something on your agenda because it is exceptionally important to your health.Care to read more about Healthy Prostate

Paul Rodgers specializes in promoting natural health and beauty products

Article Source: ArticlesBase.com - Prostate Massage Can Ease Prostate Symptoms

Live Gay Sex and the Changing Landscape of Homosexual Casual Sex

2009-07-05T07:02:00.000-07:00

As always, homosexuals have the cutting edge when it comes to social and sexual trends. Before most global societies have accepted and recognized the norms and behaviors of homosexuals when it comes to sex, marriages and lifestyle, gay men in the old eras have strived to be discreet about their love and intimate lives. They had been so creative and innovative in hiding and enjoying their lives, despite prejudice and discrimination by the 'straight' societies.

Just when people around the globe are building respect and acknowledgement to gay relationships, lifestyles and marriages, the gay community is at it again. This time, casual sex and entertainment is innovated and revamped, to the further convenience and enjoyment of gay men who may want and need intimacy, anytime, anywhere they are.

The Internet is now flooded with numerous live gay Webcams, which promote online, interactive and live gay sex across the broadband. What makes such gay Webcams flourish is the undeniable fact that indeed, there are many gay guys (bisexuals, discreets and out) who are getting into online adventure. Live gay Webcams and online intimate sessions are becoming a more integral part of the Internet.

Now, any gay guy need not go out to the streets or to known meeting places to 'cruise around' and meet people who may potentially get to bed with them. Gay guys only need to get to the front of the computer monitor, log online and get to any of the many gay Webcams services sites proliferating across the online media. In an instant, they could meet prospective guys for online or virtual casual sex. Take note, gay Webcams facilitate for online casual intimate sessions, without the need to meet somewhere else.

The Internet is really changing people's behavior, especially towards sex and intimacy. The gay community is just getting ahead of the game. Live gay sex has spread out like wildfire. Now, there are even versions of such online Webcam sexual sessions for straight people.

These days, gay guys could just stay inside the comforts of their home and have sex virtually through online live gay sex sites. Experts are not surprised that more and more gay people prefer such online encounters. First, gay Webcams are convenient. Second, such live gay Webcams are less expensive. Third, the market for such live gay sex is getting broader and bigger, bringing in more options and more people to possibly hook up with. And lastly, gay guys could easily avoid being exposed to possible sexually transmitted disease infections.

By: Robert Thomson

Casual sex and entertainment within the global gay community is innovated and revamped through the emergence of live gay sex sessions. Visit www.livejasmin.com.

What Do Men Really Want?

2009-07-03T22:54:00.000-07:00

I've been seeing many articles about "what men want?" The themes are typically: food, sex, laundry, etc. Now, I certainly don't claim to know what all men want. I don't think any woman, or man for that matter, really knows such a thing. It implies all men are the same and have no capacity for individuality. I think most women would state that they want food, sex, and laundry too...

Food is an obvious one. Every human being (breatharians aside) needs food for survival, so it seems fairly straightforward, although some of the suggestions suggest that men wants women to provide food for them. Well, women need food too and most of us would love someone to prepare it for us. Having said that I think there are men (and women) who are exploiting gender stereotypes to suit their (sometimes selfish) wants.

Sex is also fairly obvious (for both men and women) but the articles I've been reading have made sex out to be this utilitarian thing that women provide. Women can certainly engage in sex if they choose to when they are in the mood. But, it shouldn't be presumed that because a woman (or a man, for that matter) is in a relationship, they are expected to be available for sex whenever his/her partner wants it. And, instead of looking at sex as something a man wants, perhaps more men would do well to be less self-focused and strive to authentically love, respect, and honor the women in their lives.

And, as for the laundry thing. What woman wouldn't want the laundry done for her too? It's not like the genome scientists discovered that only women come with the laundry gene. I think it's valuable to let go of some stereotypes about gender "norms" in favor of relationships involving people as individuals.

As a woman who has been in a long-term marriage to the most incredible man I've ever met and who brings a depth of character that goes well beyond desires for food, sex, and laundry, I've come to appreciate that some men are so much more than their perceived "wants" and that men deserve to be treated as individuals who may actually rise well above some of their counterparts. My incredible husband does a lot more laundry than I've ever done, while I do a lot more cooking, but that's what works for us. I don't expect him to do more of the laundry, and I know he doesn't expect me to have a meal on the table when he gets home. As he says, "if I'm hungry, I know how to make something to eat." And, perhaps the reason why people still think we're honeymooners after 12 years is that we love and cherish each other so much that we truly want the greatest happiness for each other, and nowhere does that mean servitude.

And women, too, deserve to be treated as individuals and not just entities that exist for the purpose of serving the wants of the men in their life. We are so much more than our capacities to provide food, sex, or laundry services. Yet, so many of us are taught to please others from the time we're children. So, if a guy says he'll be more commitment-oriented if we provide food, sex, and laundry services, many women will do these things. But, ultimately, such claims are exploitive of women.

And what about gay and lesbian relationships? Based on the arguments presented in some of the articles I've been reading, it would seem that gay and lesbian relationships would end in power struggles and stalemates. While that happens in some gay and straight relationships alike, homosexual relationships are not doomed to this ridiculous outcome because of gender stereotypes.

Isn't it time we recognized that all people are individuals with unique characteristics and therefore a combination of wants and needs may be unique to us? Oh, sure, many men (or women) will be thrilled to have women (or men, as the case may be) make their food, offer them sex, and complete their laundry at their beckon call. But, that isn't the way to true love or a successful long-term relationship.

And, maybe more women need to forget the articles, books, and blogs that tell them "what men want." All men are different. It serves men to perpetuate ridiculous stereotypes and broad claims (by doing so, they get their meals made, laundry done, and sex.) It's time for every woman to honor the beautiful individual she is: intellectually, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. By being a strong and authentic woman, I assure you, you will attract a partner who values your strength and respects your individuality--a partner who will love and honor you. That's because some men truly want a strong woman who is happy and not burned out from trying to please her man.

Michelle Schoffro Cook, DNM, DAc, CNC is a best-selling and six-time book author, whose works include: The Life Force Diet, The Ultimate pH Solution, The 4-Week Ultimate Body Detox Plan, The Brain Wash, and Healing Injuries the Natural Way. She has appeared in/on over 350 radio and television shows, newspaper and magazine articles worldwide, including: Woman's World, First for Women, Vegetarian Times, Robert Kennedy's Oxygen: Fitness for Women, HELLO! Canada, Glow, YOU: The Owner's Manual Radio Show, and The Gary Null Show. Visit www.DrMichelleCook.com to learn more about her work.

Author's Bio

www.Intent.com
Intent.com is a premier wellness site and supportive social network where like-minded individuals can connect and support each others' intentions. Founded by Deepak Chopra's daughter Mallika Chopra, Intent.com aims to be the most trusted and comprehensive wellness destination featuring a supportive community of members, blogs from top wellness experts and curated online content relating to Personal, Social, Global and Spiritual wellness.
Source URL: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/+What_Do_Men_Really_Want.html

4 Mistakes Gay Singles Make When Internet Dating

2009-06-29T19:40:00.000-07:00

Gay internet matchmaking web sites supply millions of gay dating singles all over the world an excellent chance to start dating someone they're completely compatible with. Why is it that these gay singles can't use this hugely successful system of meeting another single to it's fullest potential?

Mistake 1

The first mistake gay online daters make is just signing up to one gay internet matchmaking agency. Only signing up to one gay internet matchmaking agency restricts your opportunities of meeting another gay single, and it won't allow you any room for error. When you join more than one service ( they're all cost you nothing to join ) you can try different things with your profile to see which approach gets you the best results. You will find out what works and what doesn't work.

Creating an account at more than one gay internet matchmaking site offers you a much better opportunity of being contacted. You can also see which web site has the most gay singles living in your city.

Mistake 2

Not putting your photo on your profile will seriously effect your internet matchmaking. People that put their photo on their profile can obtain up to 20 times more contact than people without a photo.

Most gay online daters will select to have only the personal ads with photos appear in their search results. This means that if you don't have your photo on your internet matchmaking profile you're not even going to get noticed. Even if they never select this option no one is going to viewing a profile that hasn't got a photo on it.

Mistake 3

Expecting your free trial to be your membership forever will not allow you to start conversing with other gay people. Lots of gay people start their guest membership, and that's it, and then they can't understand why no one sends a reply to their flirts. Other gay people, mainly the gay women, want to be sent emails that have a message in them. Single women want to receive a message that has meaning, and lets them know that you have viewed their profile.

Before you pay for your membership make sure you have given all the gay internet web sites a good try out first. Upgrading too soon could lead to you signing up with the wrong matchmaking agency.

Mistake 4

gay online daters that don't login very often are missing out on being contacted. Most gay internet matchmaking web sites will show how many days it has been since you last logged in to your account. This lets other people know how determined you are on wanting to start dating on the internet. If you only login every 3 weeks to see if you have any messages you probably won't have any.

Logging in more often lets the dating web site know that you're determined to find a partner on the internet. They will reward you when they show your profile nearer the top of the search results, and sometimes even on the homepage of the dating service.

Stearing clear of these mistakes will help you have a much more rewarding gay internet matchmaking experience. 90% of gay online daters get nothing from their internet matchmaking because they make the faux pas' above.

You will definitely be meeting another offline, and starting a new relationship when you do internet matchmaking how it's suppose to be done.

By: Jennifer King

For more information on Gay online dating services visit Gay.COM review

Porn videos: A daily dose of sex

2009-06-29T19:39:00.000-07:00

Today, people's lives have become big stress and the rate at which the divorces are taking placed has been causing unimaginable anxiety on those who are in a relationship but do not manage to make it sexually fulfilling. After all, sex is always known to take any pain away or at least it can take a person's mind away from the pain. With the advancement in technology, pornography has now become easier than ever. In today's age, you do not need to hustle to a magazine stand for the latest addition of a porn magazine, but you can easily do your video upload from a free porn site from the comfort and privacy of your own home and get the porn videos that you want to see and enjoy, and that too without paying any cost. Because of the easy and free availability of these videos on various sites over the Internet, there are a number of people who download these videos on a regular basis. You will laugh at the thought of a person getting addicted to these porn videos but this is a fact that these videos are so enjoyable, pleasurable and sexually arousing that a large number of people get addicted to see them every night before having sex with their partner. As watching porn is harmless for anyone and only add pleasure to one's life, people who watch these videos are noticed to be more sociable and are seen to have long lasting relationships in their lives. These videos add vigor to people's lives and they enjoy a fulfilling sexual life with their partner.

Everyone enjoys seeing porn videos that are filled with sex, fun and fantasies. They may be extremely useful after spending a hard day with difficult people and situation at office. These videos always bring the lighter sides of your moods and help in lightening up the situation just good for having a great sexual activity. The best part is that they are available free of cost at free porn sites and there is a large number of websites that are equipped with lots of videos that are exotic to watch. People who enjoy watching these videos can do video upload on their mobile phones and enjoy them at any time of the day.

If you have been searching for porn videos of your particular choice, you can search the websites available over the internet and find the ones that specialize in your favorite subject, whether it is gay sex, anal sex, lesbian sex or masturbation. These websites are regularly updated and videos are constantly added for the convenience and fun of the visitors. These videos are off shoots of the crazy old pictures and are sure to give a tickling to your sex bones. People like watching videos of people having sex as they are able to bring up their wishes of whatever they want to do with their sexual partner and in some instances; they see them so that they get inspired to do the same thing with their partner.

By: Bastiaan Vanderveer

Bastiaan Vanderveer is the author of this article on Porn videos. Find more information relating to youtube porn, and free porn here.

Male Sexual Dysfuntions

2009-06-21T08:17:00.000-07:00

Male sexual dysfunctions is a topic that many people are reluctant to discuss. Fortunately, most cases of sexual dysfunction are curable, so it is important to share your problems with your partner and doctor. A sexual dysfunction, refers to a problem that prevents the man from experiencing satisfaction from sexual activity.

Male sexual dysfunctions can be attributed to physical problems such as diabetes, heart and vascular (blood vessel) disease, hormonal imbalances, chronic diseases such as kidney or liver failure, and alcoholism or drug abuse. Along with these work pressure and anxiety, marital or relationship differences and depression can also jeopardise your sexual health.

The most widespread sexual dysfunctions in men are ejaculation dysfunctions, erectile dysfunction and loss of sexual desire and these are prevalent in the aged people though men of all ages are susceptible to such dysfunctions.

The ejaculation dysfunctions can be classified as; Premature or rapid ejaculation, delayed or retarded ejaculation and retrograde ejaculation. In premature ejaculation the usual problem is that a man will climax before or during soon after the penetration. Delayed ejaculation is the inability to ejaculate or a long delay before ejaculation. Retrograde ejaculation befalls when the sperm is forced back into the bladder and does not flow out of the penis.

In some cases, premature and delayed ejaculation are caused by psychological factors such as absence of attraction for a partner, a painful and distressing experience in the past. Premature ejaculation, the most prevalent form of sexual dysfunctions in men, is generally attributable to jitters over how well one will perform during intercourse. However, such symptoms can also be traced to anti-depressants and rampant use of other drugs.Retrograde ejaculation is prevalent in diabetic males. This generally occurs due to problems with the nerves in the bladder and the bladder neck that allow the sperm to flow back into the bladder.

Erectile dysfunction is also known as impotency. It is the continual inability to achieve or maintain full erection required to complete your sexual intercourse satisfactorily. There are two main causes of erectile dysfunctions: physical and psychological. Experts agree that the majority of cases are physical but sometimes many men with such disorders start to feel nervous or low. These feelings can easily aggravate the symptoms of erectile dysfunctions. The few causes of erectile dysfunction include diseases affecting blood flow, nerve disorders; stress, depression, and performance anxiety; and injury to the penis.

Loss of sexual desire or libido, refers to a decrease your interest for sex, causing concern to you and your partner. You rarely feel like having sex. It has been associated with low levels of testosterone, anxiety and depression; medical illnesses, such as diabetes and high blood pressure; and relationship difficulties.

This article is first in a series of articles that deals with male and female sexual problems.

About the Author:

I am the content reviewer and internet research analyst at www.zoren.com

Article Source: ArticlesBase.com - Male Sexual Dysfunctions

Hardcore Straight and Gay Sex Scenes Kept Under Wraps to Promote AIDS Awareness

2009-06-17T21:04:00.000-07:00

In 1981, the Center for Disease Control (CDC) published its first report on a mysterious, deadly enemy that would come to be known as AIDS, or Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome. Unsure at first what the disease was or what caused it, it was eventually determined and confirmed that the virus was communicable through the sharing of bodily fluids such as semen, vaginal secretions, and blood. The HIV virus, which is the virus responsible for AIDS, is also transmitted from sharing hypodermic needles and the like. In the 1980s, the fear that the AIDS epidemic caused was surpassed only by the number of people who fell victim to the disease, most of whom had been gay males.

Since that time, AIDS awareness movements and gestures have spread far and wide across the world, and the industry of hardcore gay sex entertainment is certainly no exception. In the earlier days of the pornographic movie, not one actor would be seen in any film putting on a condom. As the seriousness of the AIDS crisis continued to mount, slowly but surely, the adult film studios began to show both gay and straight porn stars donning the rubbers to cleverly take a stand on using protection, without their message being to in your face or intrusive to viewers. Fans of the movies took notice, and more and more, instead of the big no no being the use of a condom during an explicit sex scene, the pooh poohed practice became NOT using a condom in the fleshy, horny shows. Many people began to think that not using a condom for protection in porno movies was a selfish, egotistical way that many low key, struggling studios used to break into the business. Other people, however, still enjoy bareback movies because it is all about the dangerous and the forbidden, which continues to keep the bareback porno flicks in demand.

The movement that porn studios were pushing didnt end there. Once the use of condoms in straight and hardcore gay sex movies became the norm in 1992, a new term erupted to classify movies that did not advocate the use of the condom. The term barebacking was used to refer to having sex without a condom in these movies, and many online adult movie businesses refused to rent out or sell bareback movies that had been made after 1992.

While some people hail and support the industrys decision to try to encourage condom use, there is not 100% support for the move. While films that do advocate using condoms continue to make way in the fight against AIDS, the forbidden danger that bareback films bring to their fans continue to divide the adult film industry, in all aspects of porn, whether it be hardcore gay sex or big time straight sex.

By: Kelly Renaul

WHERE TO FIND GAY COMPANIONS

2009-06-17T07:12:00.000-07:00

However, the way society functions is quite contradictory to the way sex functions. Sex requires man to pursue pleasure, whereas society asks you to suppress it. Society will tell you ‘Okay, pursue pleasure, but we tell you how long to run, how fast and in what direction.’ It is thus obvious why many individuals will want to keep their preferences a secret, and will often not be able to talk about their sexual life or even enjoy it, in the fear of being ostracized by society.

Although certain regulations that society creates are essential to protect exploitation of individuals incapacitated to take decisions, but an individual who has the capacity, and who fully realizes the consequences of his actions, must not be governed in the choice of his sexual partner. An individual is free to do what he thinks is best for himself and do what makes him happy, as long as he does not intentionally cause harm to others. However we live in a less than perfect society, which loves to restrict and control any behavior that is a deviation of accepted norms. It will also condemn those who indulge in such behavior. So when it comes to sex, most people with same sex preferences or even both sex preferences (in other words if you’re gay or bisexual) will face some animosity and hostility from society.

This becomes worse if you’re a gay man or bisexual man. As a male, your chances of being labeled are much higher, especially if you’re a black gay man. Latino gay men face the same prejudice in their community. However, you’re not alone. If you’re a black gay man looking for a companion you will be surprised at how many others are like you and want the same things as you. However, most of them do not know where to look since voicing their desires publicly is often not a possibility.

In such situations, you will find a sense of belonging at the many gay events happening in parts of the country. Places known as party destinations like Miami or even Florida are known for events hosted specifically for the benefit of those with same sex/both sex preferences. The best part is that these events are legal and offer a safe platform where you can meet others like you and develop relationships you’ve always desired. You do not have to suppress your preferences or lie about who you are.

Most of these events are targeted towards Latino gay men and black gay men, since gay men from these communities have the hardest time with their preferences. Once you become a member, along with meeting people like yourself, you will also get to participate in interesting games, workshops, get VIP access to exclusive events and receive wonderful gifts and prizes, all over the span of a weekend.

By: Mira Williams

MiamiBeachBruthaz.com - Miami Beach Bruthaz was founded in July 2006 as an annual summer lifestyle event for the same gender loving men and women from across the country: Latino Gay Florida , Black Gay Florida, Gay Event!